Mormon Terms:Potential Terms

Revision as of 11:16, 13 September 2008

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Contents	A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A

Abomination

a.p. - See assistant to the president.

Aaronic Priesthood - The lower order of priesthood authority in the L.D.S. Church, encompassing the offices of deacon, teacher, and priest. Young males are usually ordained deacons at the age of twelve. Named for Aaron, the brother of Moses -- not for baseball great Hank Aaron, as is widely believed. All "worthy" young Mormon boys are "ordained" to this priesthood beginning as young as age twelve. There are three "offices" within this priesthood: deacons, teachers, and priests. The lesser priesthood of the Church, consisting of the offices of deacon, teacher, priest, and bishop. Holders of this priesthood attend to temporal affairs of the Church (cf. Melchizedek Priesthood).

active in the Church Refers to regular attendance at meetings, observance of the principles of the gospel, and acceptance of Church callings.

Activity in the Church

Adam-God Theory

Adam-ondi-Ahman The place (in what is now Daviess County, Missouri) where Adam gathered and blessed his posterity before his death; a locale where a future priesthood meeting will be held just previous to Christ's second coming.

Adam The first man. Latter-day Saints view him as one of the greatest and noblest of all men.

Adamic language A perfect spoken and written language given by God to Adam. added upon A phrase indicating that the faithful receive additional blessings in the life to follow. Those who were faithful in premortal life had blessings "added upon" them in mortality. Those who are faithful in this life will have "glory added upon their heads for ever and ever" (Abr. 3:26). administer To perform an ordinance, such as anointing the sick with oil or saying the set prayers to bless the bread and water of the sacrament.

Administration of angels

Administration of Ordinances

Adoption

Adult

Adversary

Advocate With the Father

After Life

age of accountability The age at which a child becomes personally responsible for motives, attitudes, desires, and actions. Designated by revelation to begin at eight years of age (D&C 68:25).

Age of Consent

agency (often called free agency) The granted right to choose good or evil, and the responsibility for the choices made.

Alpha and Omega

Altar

Ancestral File(TM) A computerized system of genealogical information that links names of individuals into pedigrees, showing their ancestors and descendants.

Ancient Apostles

Ancient of Days A term used in Daniel 7:9, identified by revelation to Joseph Smith as Adam.

angel

Angel Moroni

angel, fallen Specifically, the devil.* Generally, all who followed the devil in the premortal existence.

angels Literally, messengers; usually referring to messengers from God.

Anoint

anointing(s) The placing of a drop or two of consecrated olive oil on a person's head as part of a special blessing, under the direction of the Melchizedek Priesthood.

Anti-Christ

Anti-Mormon

Anti-Mormon Critic non-Mormon scientist, writer, historian, whose work undermines LDS doctrine.

Anti-Mormon Publications

Antichrists

AP - See assistant to the president.

ape - See assistant to the president.

Apologetics

Apologist

apostasy

apostate - One who has repudiated Mormonism for whatever reason and in whatever fashion, whether or not his or her name remains on the church's rolls. The commonly repeatedly Mormon party line would have it that these are the most unhappy people on the face of the earth, but reasonable humans are likely to perceive this attitude as sour grapes.

apostle - The second highest office in the Melchizedek Priesthood, and a special witness of Jesus Christ. Common Mormon belief holds that apostles know the resurrected Christ personally. Apostles are considered "prophets, seers and revelators," though only the ordained president of the Church holds all the keys necessary for administering the Kingdom of God on earth. See also Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the. An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood; usually a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

apostolic Church The Church presided over by the Twelve Apostles following the resurrection and ascension of Jesus Christ.

appropriate

April 6

archives A general description for the record-keeping facilities of the Church in Salt Lake City. The archives hold a wide variety of records, including Church membership information, historical accounts, and the largest collection of genealogical data in the world.

area - The usually relatively small geographical region to which two missionaries are assigned

Area Presidency

area A geographical ecclesiastical unit of the Church consisting of several regions and presided over by a president, who is a General Authority.

Armageddon

Article of Faith

Articles of Faith Thirteen concise statements of LDS belief written by Joseph Smith in the Wentworth Letter.

assistant to the president - One of two missionaries who, by virtue of superior dedication, spirituality, and brown-nosing, are privileged to push paper in the mission office rather than pound pavement.

Assistants to the Twelve Persons who at one time in the Church were specifically called to be General Authorities to assist the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

atonement

Atonement of Jesus Christ

attitude

attributes

Authority believe this was restored to Joseph Smith by having key Bible leaders appearing and ordaining Smith. Anyone ordained in the church receives a card tracing his priesthood back to Joseph Smith. Duly conferred priesthood power or delegated responsibility associated with position or function.

Auxiliaries

Auxiliary Organizations The Primary (children), Relief Society (adult women), Sunday School, and Young Men and Young Women organizations of the Church. Auxiliary organizations exist primarily to assist the priesthood government of the Church.

B

b.o.m. - Book of Mormon.

Babylon A term symbolic of worldliness.

Baptism by Immersion

baptism by proxy

Baptism for the Dead

Baptism of Fire and the Holy Ghost

Baptism:* "Baptism by immersion under the hands of a legal administrator, one empowered to bind on earth and seal in heaven, is the initiatory ordinance into the Church on earth and the celestial kingdom in the world to come (D. & C. 20:68-74; 2 Ne. 9:23-24). Baptism is the formally appointed means and ordinance which the Lord has provided so that man can signify his personal acceptance of all of the terms and conditions of the eternal gospel covenant. Thus in baptism, which as part of the gospel is itself a new and an everlasting covenant (D. & C. 22), man covenants to abide by all of the laws and requirements of the whole gospel."

Barge:* Jaredite

Barrow pit: * Something found only in Utah--a ditch alongside the road.

bear - In Mormon parlance, a verb invariably used with the word "testimony" to refer to the process of relating one's personal conviction of the truthfulness of certain religious precepts. This curious usage of the word is probably derived from the phrase "to bear witness." See also fast-and-testimony meeting, testimony meeting.

bear the priesthood To possess or hold duly conferred priesthood authority.

bear testimony To express one's personal convictions of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Beehive - 1) An LDS symbol of industry. 2) Young women's class.

Beehive house

Beehive Symbol* A logo representing industry and harmony, appearing frequently on objects associated with the LDS Church and Utah.

best two years of my life, the - A phrase sometimes employed by returned missionaries to describe their mission experience.

Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt

beyond the veil A metaphorical expression for the spirit world or for life after death.

BIC:* Born in the Covenant

bind on earth, bind in heaven Through the priesthood sealing power, to make an ordinance performed on earth valid throughout eternity.

Birth

Birth, Spiritual

Bishop:* heads a ward [300 to 500 members] who is also ordained a High Priest in their Melchizedek priesthood. They are largely unpaid and perform marriages and funerals and conduct services.

bishop's court A term used until recent years to indicate a disciplinary council conducted by a

Bishop's Storehouse

Bishopric - In the L.D.S. ecclesiastical hierarchy, the presiding body of a ward, consisting of a bishop and his two counselors. See also first counselor.

Black

Blasphemy

Bless

blessing - This term can be used generically to refer to most any prayer, particularly prayers before meals, meetings, activities, etc. The term is often used specifically, however, to refer to an ordinance of the priesthood whereby hands are laid on a supplicant's head and a pronouncement of health, comfort, counsel, or christening is made. Though the syntactical structure of the blessing is similar to that of a regular prayer, the words are directed to the recipient rather than to God, often with instructions such as "be healed" or "live worthily" or "remember that your Father in Heaven is mindful of you." The giver of a blessing of this sort must be a worthy priesthood holder, and he is directed to keep his mind open and not speak his own thoughts or wishes, but rather to listen for the promptings of the Holy Ghost in knowing what instructions and/or promises to pass along to the recipient. When giving a blessing, the spokesman may be assisted by one or more other priesthood holders, who stand shoulder to shoulder and also place hands on the recipient's head.

Blood Atonement Some Mormons historically believed that some sins are so serious that they are outside of the blood of Christ. They believed it would be in the best interest of the offending person to have their own blood shed so they can have a hope that they will eventually be released from hell into the lowest kingdom in their afterlife. Some underground militia like fundamentalists feel they would be doing certain apostates a favor by shedding their blood.

BMW:* Big Mormon Wagon.

board (general, auxiliary) A small group of Church members called to help leaders of Church auxiliary organizations, such as Relief Society or Sunday School, at both the stake and the general Church administrative levels.

body

BOM:* Book of Mormon.

Book of Abraham* Writings of Abraham, revealed to Joseph Smith. The Book of Abraham is one of the books in the Pearl of Great Price.

Book of Commandments* The earliest published collection of revelations to Joseph Smith; a predecessor to the Doctrine and Covenants.

Book of Life

Book of Mormon - A collection of writings ascribed to various prophets who lived in undetermined regions of the American continents between 600 B.C. and A.D. 421. Another testament of Jesus Christ, and the keystone of the L.D.S. faith. The Book of Mormon tells the story of the prophet Lehi, who fled Jerusalem with his family after having been warned in a dream of the city's impending destruction by the Babylonians. They built a ship and sailed to America, where his son Nephi, also a prophet, began to keep a record of their proceedings on engraved metal plates. Subsequent prophets and kings continued this practice. Nearly a thousand years later, a prophet named Mormon abridged the records kept by his predecessors onto engraved plates of gold. These he gave into the keeping of his son Moroni -- you guessed it, another prophet -- who added a few chapters and then buried the record in a hill in what would later become the state of New York. In the early 1800s, a resurrected Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith, Jr., and led him to the site where the record was buried. Young Smith, aided by the Urim and Thummim, translated the engravings from the Reformed Egyptian into an English reminiscent of King James and soon thereafter published the work as the Book of Mormon -- so named in honor of its prime abridger. An account of ancient inhabitants of the Western Hemisphere, recorded on gold plates and translated by Joseph Smith. The record contains both a history of the people and the fulness of the everlasting gospel as revealed by the Savior to the ancient inhabitants.

Book of Moses* A record from the creation of the world and mankind to the flood at Noah's time, revealed to Joseph Smith while he was translating the Bible. Selections from the Book of Moses are now part of the Pearl of Great Price.

Book of Remembrance (1) A record begun by Adam and his immediate posterity; (2) a personal book containing genealogy and significant family history.

born

Born Again

Born in the Covenant All children born to a couple after they have been married (sealed) in a temple.

Born of God

born of goodly parents

Branch

Branch President

Brass Plates - A record spoken of in the Book of Mormon, which was similar to the Old Testament, written on plates of brass, containing many writings of the prophets (1 Ne. 5:10-16); brought by Lehi and his family to the Western Hemisphere.

bread

Brethren - (1) All male members of the Church; (2) "The Brethren," a designation of the General Authorities of the Church.

Brigham Tea or Brigham Weed:* See Mormon tea [DAW].

Brigham Young Cocktail:* [DAW] Moonshine, especially firewater or Indian whiskey.

Brighamite:* A follower of Brigham Young in the schism following Joseph Smith's death.

Brother of Jared

Brother

Brotherhood

bucket - Calgary Canada Mission slang for a lazy missionary who habitually breaks the rules. Derivation uncertain. See also kicker.

buckfart - A flakism roughly equivalent to such words as "joker," "clown," "scumbag," and "stoopnagle."

burning in the bosom A metaphorical description of the feeling that sometimes attends the enveloping Spirit of the Lord, particularly when one understands God's words through the influence of the Holy Ghost (Luke 24:32; D&C 9:3-8).

Burnings, Everlasting

BYD-This term stands for Bishop Youth Discussion. This is usually a Sunday evening meeting that youth 12 to 18 are asked to attend. At the meeting the Bishop gives a lesson on a specific topic, then the youth are able to ask him questions at the end.

BYU

BYU Motto:* Enter to serve, go forth to learn. The campus is our world.

BYU-Idaho

C

Call - To offer a Church job to someone, through inspiration from God; e.g., "Brother Gilmore, the Lord has seen fit to call you to the position of Young Men's President." Derived from the Biblical passage Matthew 20:16: "For many be called, but few chosen." Also, the official notice of having been called. See also calling, mission call.

Calling and Election

Calling* Invitation to accept an office or assignment; offices or assignments themselves. Any position of responsibility within the Mormon Church, from nursery attendant right up to prophet. Holders of such positions are said to have been "called" by God -- by inspiration through the duly constituted member of the bureaucratic chain. Missionaries receive their callings directly from the President of the Church, who purportedly receives revelation as to where in the world each one should be sent.

Canon

Canonize - To remove knowledge from member awareness by placing it in scriptures.

Celestial Kingdom* The highest of three degrees of glory in the kingdom of heaven.

Celestial marriage

celestial room

Celibacy

center place of Zion The "center place," Independence, Missouri, the future site of the City of Zion (the New Jerusalem) and the temple (D&C 57:3); sometimes incorrectly called "center stake."

Ceremonies

CES

Chapel: * is the building the branch or ward meets in every week. The room or hall in a Church meetinghouse used for worship services.

Chaplains

charity

Child of God The Latter-day Saint belief that all persons are spirit children of God in the premortal existence and that this parent-child relationship continues on this earth and through eternity.

choice

choose

chosen people Specifically those selected by God for special responsibilities, often requiring service and sacrifice; participants in the covenant of the gospel.

Church Educational System

Church of Jesus Christ

Church of the Firstborn* Those who are exalted or assured of receiving exaltation.

Cohab:* See Polyg.

collection of fast offerings The collection of voluntary offerings on fast day, usually the first Sunday of each month.

comfort

Comforter* The scriptures speak of two Comforters. The First Comforter is the Holy Ghost. The Second Comforter is Jesus Christ (John 14:1623; see also TPJS, pp. 150-51).

commandment

Commandments, The

commitment

Common consent* The principle whereby Church members vote to sustain and approve those called to serve in the Church and decisions made by leaders.

common judge The bishop of each ward, who has the responsibility to judge the spiritual and temporal condition of members of his ward. The stake president of each stake serves as a common judge for all members of his stake.

Communion

Community

Companion - A missionary's assigned partner. Often shortened to comp. See also companionship.

companion, missionary A missionary's partner. Missionaries in the Church always work in pairs.

companionship - A unit consisting of two partnered missionaries who spend all their time together and are assigned to proselyte in a specific area. See also companion.

Compassionate Service* Aid or comfort rendered to others, in particular by members of the Relief Society.

Condescension

Condescension of God

Conference Center

Conference Reports* The published proceedings of the general conferences of the Church.

Conference:* Where one goes twice a year to hear "Mo"-tivational speakers.

confess

Confession of Sins

confirmation* The bestowal of the gift of the Holy Ghost to newly baptized members by holders of the Melchizedek Priesthood; also official recognition of Church membership.

confirm

conscience

Consecrate

Consecration, law of* A divine principle whereby men and women voluntarily dedicate their time, talents, and material wealth to the establishment and building up of God's kingdom.

consequences

Contention

Conversion

Convert (noun) A person who has chosen to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by being baptized and confirmed.

Corianton

correlation meeting - Any of a broad spectrum of regularly scheduled meetings where Mormons in positions of responsibility get together to compare notes, swap gossip, and step on each other's toes as much a possible where their duties overlap.

correlation* A process by which all programs of the Church are identified and placed in proper relationship to each other: teachings, organizations, programs, meetings, and instructional materials.

Council in Heaven* The meeting in the premortal life of the Godhead and spirits designated for this earth, in which the plan of salvation was presented.

Council of Fifty

Council of the Twelve, the - See Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the.

counsel

Counselor: A person called to serve as an adviser, assistant, and occasional substitute for an officer or leader in the Church.

Couple Missionaries

court (Church)* A term formerly used to mean a Church disciplinary council.

Covenant

Covenant Israel, Latter-Day

create

Creation

Creeds

crickets (Mormon) A type of cricket that threatened the crops of early Mormon pioneers. The crops were saved when large flocks of seagulls came and devoured the crickets.

Cross

Crossroads of the West

Crucifixion of Jesus Christ

CTR Ring

CTR-This stands for Choose The Right, and is often seen on rings that members wear as reminders.

Cub Scouts

Cultural Hall - A very large space in the exact center most Mormon meetinghouses, suitable for stage plays, banquets, Scout ceremonies, blood drives, wedding receptions, and so forth -- though most often used for basketball games.

cumom - According to the Book of Mormon, a "more especially useful" beast living in ancient America. See note for "curelom." See also elephant, horse, ass.

Cumorah* (1) A hill in which the Book of Mormon prophet Mormon concealed sacred records before the annihilation of his people; (2) the hill in New York State, near the town of Palmyra, where Joseph Smith unearthed the gold plates from which he translated the Book of Mormon.

curelom - According to the Book of Mormon, a "more especially useful" beast living, along with cumoms and elephants, in ancient America. No one knows for certain what a curelom or cumom looked like, but apologists have speculated that they may have been mammoths or mastodons, and that Joseph Smith knew no English word to use as translations from the Reformed Egyptian.

Cymorgs

D

D - Slang for "discussion"; e.g., "How many D's did you teach this week, Elders?" See also discussions, the.

d.a. - See dinner appointment.

D&C - See Doctrine and Covenants.

damnation* (1) The opposite of salvation; (2) to be stopped in one's spiritual progress; (3) the suffering of various degrees of penalty at the final judgment by those who have not accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ and repented of their sins.

DAMU:* Disaffected Mormon Underground.

Danites* A small and briefly organized band of Mormon militia men in 1838 who became the source for anti-Mormon legends.

Darkness:* The total lack of any light for three days, where even the sun could not light up the clouds during the day, and no one could light a fire with dry wood for three days. Mormons easily accept this claim in Third Nephi, Chapter 8 without any question or doubt whatsoever, and that has to be real "spiritual darkness!"

Daughters of the Whore:* LDS scriptural name for Protestant churches, the whore being the Roman Catholic Church.

Deacon:* Worthy boys age 12 to 14 are "ordained" into the Aaronic priesthood of which the office of deacon is the first held. Deacons pass the sacrament in LDS church services.

Dear Jane - A gender-reversed "Dear John" letter.

Dear John - A letter to a missionary from his significant other, informing him that she has failed to successfully wait. Often accompanied by a wedding announcement linking the significant other with one of the missionary's former companions. See also "Dear Jane."

Dedication

Degrees of Glory* The celestial, terrestrial, and telestial kingdoms in heaven.

denying the Holy Ghost d (1) In general terms, rejecting a spiritual witness given by the Holy Ghost; (2) another term for blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which is an unpardonable sin.

descendants

Deseret* A Book of Mormon word meaning "honey bee," often used in titles of LDS institutions or by businesses in areas with concentrated LDS populations. A territory marked out by Brigham Young and his followers, originally comprising all of Utah, most of Nevada & Arizona, and parts of the states of California, Idaho, New Mexico, Oregon and Wyoming. The word comes from the BoM where it is glossed as "Bee".

Desert Tea:* See Mormon Tea [DAW].

devil

dh

die - In mission parlance, to be released from one's mission and return home; e.g., "I hope I die here in Babylonville, Elder. I'd hate to have to adjust to a whole new area before going home." Derived by analogy with the process in Mormon theology whereby spirits leave their premortal existence, are born physically and die on earth, then return to the spirit realm to await resurrection and judgment.

dinner appointment - An occasion when a member family invites the local missionaries over for dinner. The Church encourages this activity because a) it gives the missionaries a chance to remind the members that they should be introducing non-members of their acquaintance to the Restored Gospel, and b) it assures the missionaries of nutritious hot meals on occasion.

Discernment, Gift of

Disciples of Christ

Discipleship

Disciplinary Procedures* The process of bringing a Church member before a priesthood officer or disciplinary council to account for alleged transgressions against Church standards and to take necessary steps toward repentance.

discussion - A lesson taught by missionaries to an investigator. So named, I believe, so as to minimize in investigators the feeling of being taught a rote catechetical sermon by inviting dialogue and greater back-and-forth participation. The current curriculum for prospective members includes six discussions, each about an hour in length, which cover the very most basic tenets of the Restored Gospel. Each discussion consists of several principles, which the missionaries are free to put across in their own words, adapting to the necessities of the situation. Companions usually take turns teaching principles. Most discussions end with an invitation to baptism. Most invitations to baptism end with a shake of the head. See also discussions, the.

discussions, the - A term applied broadly to the set of six missionary discussions, or to the process of teaching them to an investigator. A structured lesson on basic gospel principles presented to interested nonmembers.

disfellowship

disfellowshipment* A disciplinary action against a Church member that severely restricts participation in Church activity but falls short of excommunication.

disobedience

Dispensation of the Fulness of Times

Dispensation A period of time in which priesthood authority and keys are established among mankind. The present dispensation, the last before the second coming of Christ, is called the "fulness of times."

Dispensations of the Gospel

Distribution Center* Centrally located outlets from which Church publications and other supplies are distributed.

district activity - A recreational activity designed to strengthen bonds of friendship, community, and purpose between the members of a district. Also, an excuse for goofing around. Contrast district meeting. See also zone activity.

District Leader - A missionary assigned to supervise usually two to four companionships, encompassing from four to eight other missionaries. Often shortened to d.l. See also zone leader.

district meeting - A weekly meeting at which the members of a district convene to report on their achievements of the past week, set performance goals for the next week, practice their teaching skills, and decide on someplace cool to go for lunch. Also, an excuse for goofing around. Contrast district activity.

District President

District* (1) An ecclesiastical unit consisting of several branches of the Church in a geographic area where stakes are not organized; (2) a unit of organization in missions, consisting of missionaries and presided over by an experienced missionary called the district leader. A geographical area consisting usually of two to four companionships, encompassing from four to eight missionaries and supervised by a district leader. See also zone.

Divinity

doctrine

Doctrine and Covenants:* A volume of Latter-day Saint scripture containing selected revelations given to Joseph Smith and his successors in the presidency of the Church. A collection of revelations received primarily by Joseph Smith, though other latter-day prophets are also represented. One of the four canonized works of Mormon scripture. Often shortened to D & C

double-digit midget - Mission slang for a missionary with less than a hundred days of service remaining.

doubt

Dove, Sign of the

Dugout:* [DAW] Type of early Mormon log cabin.

dunk - Mission parlance for baptism. Can be used as either a noun or a verb; e.g., "How many dunks have you scored this month, Elder? Are you going to dunk anyone else before the month is over?" So derived because Mormons baptize by total immersion.

Duty to God

E

Eagle Scout

Early Morning Seminary LDS religion courses for high school students offered before the normal school day begins.

Efy.

elder brother A name or title of Jesus Christ, the firstborn of all Heavenly Father's spirit children.

Elders Quorum A group consisting of men holding the office of Elder in the Melchizedek Priesthood. An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood; a title designating a holder of this priesthood, a General Authority, or a male missionary.

Elohim* God the Father.

Empty Sea - A slang reference to the M.T.C.

Endless and Eternal

Endowment House

Endowment* Ordinances of instruction and covenant performed by and for individuals in temples.

Enduring to the End* The doctrine that converted individuals must continue to show their faith through good works till the end of mortal life.

Ensign* (1) Since 1971, the official monthly periodical published by the Church. (2) a standard or flag.

Ephraim* The son of Joseph who was sold into Egypt, and heir to the birthright. The patriarchal blessings of many Latter-day Saints declare them to be of the lineage of Ephraim.

Epistemology

Especially for Youth

eternal

Eternal investigator - An investigator who takes the discussions repeatedly, often for years, without ever joining the Church. Sometimes, though not always, this is because the investigator simply enjoys the company of missionaries. Missionaries are counseled to limit the amount of time they spend with eternal investigators and to focus on more immediate prospects. (But eternal investigators are usually so much more interesting than the other kind!)

Eternal life* Exaltation in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom; often spoken of as "eternal lives."

Eternal Lives

Eternal Increase

Eternal Progression: Endless increase in glory and dominion.

eternity A synonym for "endless" as contrasted to things of mortality.

evangelist* The office of patriarch in the Melchizedek Priesthood.

Eve

even = as in ...thy Son, even the Lord Jesus Christ (Hinckley genitive)

Every Member a Missionary

Evil

ex-Mo

exaltation* Attainment of the highest degree of glory in the celestial kingdom.

example

Excommunication A disciplinary action against a Church member in which membership is withdrawn.

Ex-Mormon or Exmormon:* Apostates-R-Us. Perdition Mission. The Church of the Latter-Day-Down-to-Earth People. Hellots.

experience

F

faith

Faith in Jesus Christ

Faith promoting rumor:* Something that didn't happen or isn't true that we pretend did happen or is true, because it makes us feel good. Mormon urban legend.

Fall, The

Families Can Be Together Forever

Family History - Activity in the LDS Church that involves tracing one's lineage and composing ancestral histories.

Family History Centers

Family History Library* The Church's repository of genealogical and historical data, the largest of its kind in the world, with branch libraries in more than 1,400 stake centers.

Family Home Evening:* FHE. A program in which families gather (usually on Monday evening) for family-centered spiritual training and social activities.

Family Organizations

Family Prayer

Family Registry(TM) A service provided by the Family History Department of the Church to help people who are doing research on the same family lines to cooperate and share results.

Family Reunion

Family Tree

FamilySearch An automated computer system designed to simplify the task of family history research.

farewell - See mission farewell.

Fast - To go without food for a specific purpose. In L.D.S. circles, this means skipping usually one or two meals in an act of discipline designed to tame the bodily appetites and bring a person more in tune with spiritual things. Fasting is normally coupled with prayer, and very often people fast when they are in need of a special sort of help from God, as a way to make their prayers more effective. It may also facilitate the sort of kinesthetic hallucinations which many people interpret as spiritual visitations. See also fast-and-testimony meeting, fast offering, Fast Sunday.

Fast and Testimony Meeting

Fast Day

Fast Offering* Donation of at least the value of meals not eaten on fast Sunday, given to the bishop for the relief of the needy. - In L.D.S. culture, a necessary accompaniment to fasting in which the faster donates to the Church an amount of money equal to or greater than the cost of the skipped meals. The money is earmarked directly for assistance to the poor (not a bad idea, actually). Think of it as "guilt money." On Fast Sundays, deacons are sent from house to house to troll for fast offerings from inactive members.

Fast Sunday - In the L.D.S. Church, the one Sunday set aside per month when all members who are physcially able to fast are expected to do so. See also fast-and-testimony meeting, fast offering. - Usually the first Sunday of each month, on which Church members refrain from food or drink for two meals and donate the equivalent cost to the Church to assist the poor and needy. The sacrament meeting on each fast Sunday, called fast and testimony meeting, is devoted to the voluntary bearing of testimony by members.

fast-and-testimony meeting - A testimony meeting held on Fast Sundays in place of the normal sacrament meeting, where the time normally given over to sermons is devoted to allowing volunteers from the congregation to bear their testimonies. Suffering hungry through a fast-and-testimony meeting is one of the most agonizing ordeals that Mormons are required to undergo.

Fasting

Father and Sons Campout

Fellowshipping Members* The activity of encouraging established Church members to help new or inactive members to participate in Church practices.

Fellowshipping

Fetch:* Mormon exclamation meaning to "mess up". Slang for the s word. See also: Flip. A word used by Mormon missionaries the world over as an all-purpose substitute for the s word. Synonymous with "flip."

field - See mission field.

filling the canteen = a boy trying to kiss as many girls as he can before he leaves for his mission

Final Judgment

Firesides* Informal gatherings of Church members and friends, often in homes and usually on Sundays, that feature a speaker or program of a spiritual theme. Occasionally Churchwide firesides are held under the direction of the First Presidency. An evening Church service in which a touchie-feelie speaker addresses a group of Latter-day Saints on a gospel-related topic. The earliest firesides were held in people's homes -- thus the name -- and while some still are, the term has broadened to include any evening address, whether it be in a family room or in a chapel or via satellite from Salt Lake City.

First Contact:* The first meeting when the missionaries meet their investigator.

First Counselor - In the Mormon ecclesiastical hierarchy, the first of usually two assistants called to aid a bishop, a stake president, etc., in the administration of his assigned jurisdiction, i.e., ward, stake, and so forth. See also bishopric, First Presidency, stake presidency.

First Estate

First Ministry of Jesus Christ:* Jesus having taken a physical body, and come to earth to establish the kingdom of God, was apparently incompetent and lacking in inspiration, for He made numerous mistakes and ultimately failed to impact humanity and complete His Mission - in fact creating such a mess with that Great Abominable Church, it seems like we would have all been better off had Jesus just stayed home and really gotten serious about carpentry. As it turns out, Peter was not the Rock upon He would build his church, but rather Peter was to return like Ben Kenobi bestow upon Luke Skywalker the Jedi Priesthood. In fact it seems Jesus was set up by His Father In Heaven for complete failure, just so that Joseph Smith could come down here and clean up all that mess Jesus had started... Leave it to Jesus, right?

First Presidency of the Church

First Presidency, the - The supreme governing body of the L.D.S. Church, consisting of a president (or prophet) and an unspecified number of counselors, usually two.

First Presidency* The President of the Church and his counselors; the highest ranking quorum in the Church.

first principles and ordinances of the gospel* Faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism by immersion in water for the remission of sins, and the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.

First Principles of the Gospel

First Quorum of the Seventy, the - A governing body of the L.D.S. Church subordinate only to the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

First Vision* The initial appearance of God the Father and Jesus Christ to Joseph Smith in the spring of 1820 near Palmyra, New York, marking the beginning of the restoration of the gospel.

Firstborn of God

Flip:* Mormon exclamation meaning to "mess up". Slang for many common curse words. See also: Fetch. A word used by Mormon missionaries the world over as an all-purpose substitute for the s word. Synonymous with "fetch."

follow

Following the Brethren* Heeding the counsel of local and general leaders of the Church.

FoMo:* Formerly Mormon.

Food Storage - Organic substances which promote good health among the brethren, not by consumption, but through a rigorous weightlifting program. A supply of food necessary to sustain life for a year. Church leaders encourage members, where possible, to store food, clothing, fuel, and other items in preparation for emergencies.

Foreknowledge of God

Foreordination* The doctrine that individuals were called and set apart in the premortal existence to perform certain roles in mortal life, should they so choose.

forever

forgive

forgiveness

Freaking:* Mormon acceptable alternative to the f word. See also "Friggin."

Free Agency - The L.D.S. belief in every person's absolute right to choose his or her own beliefs and actions.

Freedom

Frick or Frickin':* A word used by contemporary mormons as a surrogate for the f word.

Friend, The* Since 1971, the Church periodical for children.

Frigging (or freaking):* A euphemism for the "F" word as used by the righteous.

fruitcake = at BYU spaz, fruity, and fruitcake mean crazy and not gay.

fruity = at BYU spaz, fruity, and fruitcake mean crazy and not gay.

fulfill

fullness

Fullness of the Gospel* The doctrine, ordinances, authority, and organization necessary to enable individuals to attain salvation.

Fundamental Principles

Fundamentalist Mormons:* these both practice and believe in plural marriages and hold to very fundamental teachings taught by early church leaders like Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and John Taylor.

Fundamentalists:* Fundies. People who still actually practice historical Mormon doctrine.

G

g.a. - See general authority.

g's - Slang for garments.

GA's - See general authority.

Gabriel A person spoken of in Daniel 8:16 and Luke 1:11-19, identified as Noah by the Prophet Joseph Smith.

Garments - The sacred underclothing worn by many Mormons as a reminder of the covenants undertaken in the Temple as part of the endowment ceremony. The garments are to be worn at all times -- except during bathing, sports, and certain other activities -- and are not to be shown to or handled by non-members. Despite apocryphal claims that Mormons killed in various types of accidents have suffered no injury on the parts of their bodies covered by the garments, the Church teaches that the garments offer only spiritual and not physical protection.

Gathering, The

Gathering of Israel

gator - slang for "investigator."

Gazelem

GEDCOM

Genealogical Work:* Mormons have been taught that they must research out their relatives. They fill out family group sheets and pedigree charts to establish links to the past. They present these records to the Mormon temple so that people can be baptized by proxy for the dead, then later adult "temple Mormons" will go through an endowment session by proxy for the relative. Later others will go into a sealing room and by proxy have entire families sealed together so they can be together in the Celestial Kingdom.

Genealogy

General Authority - Catch-all term for a member of any of the governing bodies of the L.D.S. Church, including the First Presidency, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the First and Second Quorums of the Seventy, and the Presiding Bishopric. Also applies to the Patriarch of the Church. Often shortened to g.a.

General Conference General assemblies of Church members in Salt Lake City, regularly convened every April and October.

General Conference Reports:* Chloroform in print. Statistics only making sense when viewed with your "spiritual eyes."

General Conference Talks

General Handbook of Instructions

General Relief Society Presidency

General Relief Society Presidents

Gentile - An individual who is not a Mormon - yet. - Used to refer to any non-Mormon. This is a non-stigmatic term, as opposed to "heathen." - According to the context in which it is used, the following meanings are possible for Latter-day Saints: (1) one not of the lineage of Israel; (2) a non-Latter-day Saint; (3) one who is not Jewish; (4) one who is not a Lamanite.

Gideon

Gift of the Holy Ghost

Gift of Tongues

Gifts of the Spirit

Gilead. Balm of

God the Father

God:* an exalted man who once lived on a planet like ours and proved obedient. He received "priesthood" and went through a temple having his family sealed to him. He and his wives are having spiritual babies for other planets as his kingdom eternally expands "eternal progression." Mormons believe in a trinity of purpose not substance. Doctrine & Covenants 130:3 reads "the appearance of the Father and Son in that verse [Jn 14:23], is a personal appearance; and the idea that the Father and Son dwell in a man's heart is an old sectarian notion, and is false." Later in the same section in verse 22 Smith wrote "the Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man's; the Son also; but the Holy Ghost has not a body of flesh and bones, but is a personage of Spirit. Were it not so, the Holy Ghost could not dwell in us." In the current temple endowment, as in the past, God the Father is introduced as being "Elohim," God the Son is introduced as "Jehovah," and the "Michael" is introduced as the third major person among the gods of creation. Many Mormons believe Michael was Adam's premortal name.

God's Will

Godhead:* "The Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man's; the Son also; but the Holy Ghost has not a body of flesh and bones, but is a personage of Spirit. Were it not so, the Holy Ghost could not dwell in us." Doctrine and Covenants 130:22 "I will preach on the plurality of Gods. I have selected this text for that express purpose. I wish to declare I have always and in all congregations when I have preach on the subject of the Deity, it has been the plurality of Gods. It has been preached by the Elders for fifteen years."

Godhood

Gold Plates* The anciently engraved metal plates from which Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon.

Golden - A term applied to investigators who are primed and ready to join the Church, often before even meeting the missionaries, and for whom taking the discussions is merely a formality before baptism.

Golden Bible:* see Mormon Bible.

Golden Opportunity

Golden Plates, the - The engraved record delivered by the angel Moroni to the prophet Joseph Smith, from which the Book of Mormon was purportedly translated. The plates were seen by only a few select witnesses, whose testimony can be found in the front of current editions of the Book of Mormon. Shortly after the work of translation was complete, Moroni returned and took the plates back to whatever dimension he originally came from.

Gospel

Gospel Doctrine Class

Gospel Essentials Class

Gospel of Abraham

Gospel of Jesus Christ

Gospel Principles

Gospel* The "good news" of redemption through Jesus Christ; the principles and ordinances of the plan of salvation.

Grace:* Divine help given through the mercy of Jesus Christ. It is an enabling power that allows men and women to receive eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts.

Great and Abominable Church* All assemblies, congregations, or associations of people not authorized by God and that fight against God and his purposes

Great Apostasy

Greenie - A term applied to new missionaries based on the metaphor of un-ripened fruit. Because, unlike other missionaries, they are not yet sweet, round and soft in the middle. - Greenhorn. A missionary new to the field, freshly arrived from the M.T.C. Butt of jokes and victim of mostly harmless initiation rites.

grove of trees

Guilt

H

Hear - as in let them that have ears hear.

Heart Heaven* (1) The dwelling place of God; (2) any kingdom of glory.

Heavenly Father

Heavenly Mother

Heck:* Mormons avoid saying "Hell"

Heirs

Hell* (1) The condition of misery one may feel after sinning; (2) the temporary dwelling place of the unrepentant till the judgment day.

Hie:* What you have to do to get to Kolob.

High Council* A group of twelve high priests (and sometimes alternates) who help direct the affairs of a stake.

High councilor

High Priest Group Leader

High Priest:* worthy adult male leaders who have proven worthy elders. They "administer" ward and stake leadership as a bishops, high counselors, or stake presidencies. - An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood.

Higher law, a - The authority to which Mormons appeal when the laws of the land inconvenience the fulfillment of their desires. Nowhere mentioned in Joseph Smith's twelfth Article of Faith: "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law."

Holy Ghost* The third member of the Godhead, a personage of Spirit.

Holy of Holies

Holy Spirit

Holy Spirit of Promise

Home Teachers - The men in the ward are paired up and asked to visit usually three to four families each month. They are supposed to talk with the families, and give a lesson. Home teachers are supposed to provide extra support for those families, be aware of their needs and help in any way they can.

Home Teaching A Church program in which priesthood holders regularly visit assigned homes of members.

homemaking One of three areas of emphasis in the Relief Society of the Church.

Honor Code of BYU

hooked-up = beginning an exclusive dating relationship; getting married

Hope

Hope of Israel

Hosanna Shout

Hot drinks: * (Word of Wisdom) Including iced tea and coffee, but not hot soup or hot chocolate. house

Humor - need to include lightmindedness

hump day - The halfway point in a mission. For an elder, this comes one year into his mission; for a sister, it comes nine months into hers.

Hymn

Hymnal

Hymns and Hymnody

Hypocrisy

I

I AM

I know the Church is true

Immaculate Conception

Immersion

Immigration and Emigration

Immortal

Immortality

Immortality and Eternal Life

Improve

Improvement

Improvement Era, The* An official publication of the Church, 1897-1970.

Inactive

Inactivity

increase

Indian student placement* The practice of bringing LDS American Indian children to live in LDS homes during the school year. Also known as Indian Student Placement Program or Indian Student Placement Services

Infant Baptism

Inspiration

Inspire

Inspired Version of the Bible Another name for the Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible.

Institute

Institute of Religion* Weekday religious instruction for students attending colleges, universities, and other postsecondary schools. College and university outreaches with college level course work which are often accepted by students transferring to LDS colleges and universities.

Instructor, the

Intelligence

Intelligences

Interfaith Relationships

International Genealogical Index or IGI

Interview

Investigating

Investigator - A prospective member of the L.D.S. Church, usually one who is being actively taught the discussions by the missionaries. A person who is interested in the Church and is receiving missionary instruction.

Iron Rod An image from Lehi's dream in the Book of Mormon, meaning "the word of God"-suggesting straitness and security.

Israel* (1) Members of the Church; (2) the Old Testament patriarch Jacob and his descendants.

Israelite

J

Jack Mormon - Once a term which referred to a non-member friendly toward the Church. Now refers to a Mormon who does not practice Church teachings and does not bother to conceal the fact, as by publicly smoking and drinking, or by having too much fun on a Sunday.

Jackson County (Missouri)

Jaredite

Jay Dub - Mission slang for a Jehovah's Witness. So derived from a shortening of the initials J.W.

Jehovah - Another name for Jesus Christ, particularly in the Old Testament.

Jehovah's Witnesses:* Like Mormons, but without the weirder bits.

Jello Belt: * Area of land from Rexburg, Idaho to Snowflake, Arizona (see Zion Curtain).

Johnny Mormon:* Gentile term meaning a typical Mormon. The male version of Molly Mormon cf similar forms like John Doe, Johnny Reb, etc.

Joining the Church

Joseph or Brother Joseph

Joseph Smith Memorial Building

Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible aka JST* The translation of the Bible by Joseph Smith, begun in 1830, which resulted in his receiving many doctrinal revelations.

Joseph, the Seer

Josephite:* A follower of Joseph Smith III, the son of Joseph Smith Jr. They formed a larger group than the Brighamites originally, and did not head to Utah. They became the RLDS, now known as the Community of Christ.

Journal

Journal of Discourses* A collection of sermons by LDS leaders, 1854-1886 (26 volumes); it is not an official source for Church doctrine.

Judgment Day, Final

K

Keeping a Journal

Keeping the Sabbath

Key or Keys

Keys of the Priesthood* The right to exercise or direct authority, perform ordinances, or to preside over a priesthood function, quorum, or Church organization.

keystone

Kicker - Washington Spokane Mission slang for a lazy missionary who habitually breaks the rules. This may be derived from the New Testament passage in which the Lord appears to Saul on the road to Damascus and says, "I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks" (Acts 9:5). Then again, perhaps it's derived from the simple phrase "to kick back," meaning "to relax." Beats me. See also bucket.

King Follett Discourse

Kingdom

Kingdom of God* (1) God's dominion; (2) the Church; (3) the political government of God.

Kirtland (Ohio)

kneel

know

knowledge

Kolob - According to Mormon mythology, the star about which orbits the planet on which God lives.

Korihor

KSL Radio

L

L.D.S. - See Latter-Day Saint.

Lamanites* (1) An Israelite people in the Book of Mormon, descendants of Joseph of Egypt through Lehi and Ishmael; (2) today, many American Indians.

Latter-Day Saint - Member of the Mormon Church. Taken from the Church's official moniker. Used in abbreviation as an adjectivial reference to things Mormon; See also Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, The, saint.

Laying on of Hands The placing of hands by those holding priesthood authority on the head of a member to confer authority, office, calling, or blessing.

Leadership conference - A regular series of training meetings for the district leaders, zone leaders, and assistants to the president in a mission.

Legend - A missionary whose successes and/or exploits were so amazing and inspirational that his fame lives on in the mission long after his release -- sometimes for years afterward. Most legends tend to accrete around righteous, upright missionaries, though it is rumored that there exists a subculture in which legendary tales of bold rulebreaking are passed down from one generation of elders to the next. But I wouldn't know anything about that.

Leopard Sweat:* [DAW] Moonshine -> Valley Tan.

Less Active

Less Valiant In The Pre-Existence

Letting your light so shine

Levitical Priesthood* The lesser priesthood. (See also Aaronic Priesthood.)

Life and Death, Spiritual

Light

Light and Darkness

Light of Christ.* The power of Christ infused in all creation.

Light-Mindedness

Line of authority (1) A priesthood bearer's "priesthood lineage," that is, a sequential listing of ordinations tracing one's own priesthood authority through priesthood leaders to the apostles and Jesus Christ.

Living in the Latter-days

M

M.T.C. - See Missionary Training Center.

Magnifying One's Calling * Measuring up to the duties to which one may be called.

Man of Holiness

Man's Search for Happiness

Manifesto

Manifesto of 1890 * The pronouncement that the Church had officially ended the practice of polygamy.

Manuscript, Lost 116 Pages

Marriage Supper of the Lamb

Marriage, Eternal * The doctrine that the bonds of marriage may continue into the eternities if a man and a woman are sealed in a temple and continue faithful to their covenants.

Marriage

Marriott Center

Martyrdom of Joseph and Hyrum Smith * The murder of Joseph and Hyrum Smith by a mob in Carthage, Illinois, on June 27, 1844.

Martyrdom of Joseph Smith

Martyrs

Marvelous work and a wonder A reference to a prophecy of Isaiah (29:1-14) concerning the restoration of the gospel and the coming forth of the Book of Mormon.

MAV * Mormon Assault Vehicle. Short for Mormon-owned mini-vans full of blond-haired children.

MBT * Member by Tradition, as opposed to TBM - True Believing Mormon.

meeting

Meetinghouse

Meetinghouse Libraries

Meganacle

Melchizedek Priesthood * The higher priesthood, including the offices of elder, seventy, high priest, patriarch, and apostle, and focused upon the spiritual things of the gospel (cf. with Aaronic Priesthood). all worthy adult males hold this priesthood. Offices within the Melchizedek priesthood are elder, seventy, high priest, patriarch and apostle. This priesthood is extremely important to Mormons and particularly as it applies to the temple work.

Mericat:* [DAW] Native term for non-Mormon Anglo (from "American"?)

Meridian of Time - The era in which Jesus Christ lived. The term is derived from the fact that time, in Western civilization, is measured backward and forward from the approximate date of his birth.

message

messenger

Messenger and Advocate

Messiah

Michael The archangel, - identified in LDS teachings as Adam.*

Milk before Meat

Millennial Star * The official publication of the Church in the United Kingdom, 1840-1970.

Millennium

Miracle of forgiveness

Miracles

Mishie:* Slang for Mormon Elder or Sister serving full time as a missionary.

Mission - (1) The period of service, usually two years, in which a young man or woman gives up a real life in exchange for serving the Lord. (2) Also used to denote a single geographical region, administered by a mission president, in which missionaries are assigned to serve.

Mission Call - The official notice a prospective missionary receives of where he will be assigned to labor. See also call, calling.

Mission Farewell - The Sunday church meeting at which a departing missionary offers his testimony before entering the Missionary Training Center. Mission farewells used to be more elaborate affairs than they are now. Both of the departing missionary's parents would also speak during the program, and other family members would be likely to perform musical numbers or offer prayers. In recent years, the general authorities have attempted to scale down mission farewells, particularly by not permitting family members to plan the program and by discouraging families from holding "open houses" after the meetings. Predictably, given the social nature of the Mormon animal, that's one of the dicta from Salt Lake that hasn't gone over very well.

Mission Homecoming

Mission field - Metaphorical term used by Mormons to indicate the non-specific place where missionary work takes place -- as distinguished from the places where they live. Derived from a passage in the Doctrine and Covenants, referring to the great number of souls awaiting conversion, that says, "For behold the field is white already to harvest" (D & C 4:4).

Mission Home - (1) The residence of a mission president and his family. (2) Predecessor of the MTC.

Mission Office - The administrative headquarters of a mission.

Mission Reunions - An event at which returned missionaries who served together under the same mission president gather. Usually held in conjunction with General Conference in April or October.

Mission President - A leader appointed for a period of three years to oversee and administer a specific geographical mission of the Church, supervising usually one to two hundred missionaries.

Mission

Missionary - A proselytizing representative of the L.D.S. Church. Most missionaries are young males who serve for a period of two years at their own expense -- or, more likely, at the expense of their families. Young women serve for a period of eighteen months, and older couples serve for six, twelve, or eighteen months. Young single men become eligible to serve missions at the age of nineteen, whereas young single woman (being, of course, encouraged to consider multiplying and replenishing the earth as a higher priority) are not eligible until the age of twenty-one. All young men are encouraged to go on missions -- and may find themselves censured by the community if they do not. Mission service is such an important rite of passage that many parents offer their sons what amounts to bribes in order to coax them into the field. It is not uncommon for returned missionaries to be rewarded with a car, with college tuition, or with, in my case, a newly finished bedroom all to himself in the attic of his family's house. Missionaries are expected to devote all their time and energy to the task of preaching the Restored Gospel. They dress and groom conservatively and are not permitted to engage in such worldly activities as dating, watching movies or television, reading newspapers, magazines, or books not officially approved for missionary consumption, listening to music not performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and any other pastime designed to stave off imminent insanity. Children are trained early to look forward to mission service, by learning to sing such songs as "I Hope They Call Me on a Mission" in Primary. See also "best two years of my life, the," elder, mission president, sister missionary.

Missionary Assault Vehicle:* An ancient mountain bike with bald tires and no brakes.

Missionary Couple:* People who engage in coupling on a frequent basis in the missionary field.

Missionary Discussions Basic gospel lessons missionaries use to teach interested people about the Church and its doctrines.

Missionary district

Missionary Lessons

Missionary Program

Missionary Training Center MTC * Centers where formally called missionaries are instructed and trained before departure to assigned missions. - A complex of dormitories and classrooms adjacent to Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, where newly called missionaries go for training before being sent to their assigned missions. Those learning to teach the discussions in their native tongues stay at the Missionary Training Center for three weeks. Those learning a foreign language stay for eight weeks. Usually shortened to M.T.C.

Missionary Work - The act of attempting to convert souls to the Restored Gospel. All Mormons are encouraged to perform missionary work, though most prefer to leave it to the ordained missionaries.

MMM:* Mountain Meadow Massacre. Murdering Mormon marauders. Mormon Millennial Madness.

Modest Clothing

Modesty

Modesty in Dress

Moho, meaning Mormon homosexual.

moisture (as opposed to rain, snow, etc.)

Molly - A perjorative adjective referring to behavior typical of a dewy-eyed Mormon girl; e.g., "Buying herself a sewing machine was such a Molly thing for my wife to do." Derived by shortening Molly Mormon

Molly Mormon:* Derogatory name for the stereotypical young Mormon female. Sometimes shortened simply to "Molly." See also Peter Priesthood.

Mollywood:* Salt Lake City. Relief Society. Brigham Young Studios. Mormon themed film production including: The RM, Singles Ward, The Book of Mormon Movie, The Work and the Glory, Seminary videos, church PR campaign segments, etc.

Mopologist:* A Mormon apologist.

Morg:* Mormon ORGanization. An unthinking member of the Church. This has its origin in Star Trek the Next Generation. "The Borg" are a collective of various different humanoid species which have been "assimilated" into a huge community. Each member of the collective is incapable of individuality. All actions are determined by the collective mind and are for the benefit of the collective, its future existence, and continual growth. The Borg are characterized by their cold lack of compassion or emotion, and ruthless pursuit of the goals of the collective, if necessary at the expense of the individual "drones" or members of the collective. Morg = Mormon + Borg. Also, Morg is a homonym for Morgue, representing death of the individual or spirit which often results in fully submitting one's will to the Church.

Mormanism - common misspelling of Mormonism

Mormanity:* The Latter-day Saint sub-section of humanity. Wherever two or more Mormons gather. The state of Utah.

Mormon - A prophet of ancient America, according to L.D.S. teachings. Compiler and abridger of the original engraved plates from which the Book of Mormon was purportedly translated. Also, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, so nicknamed due to belief in the divine nature of the Book of Mormon, or an adverbial reference to things related to the Church.

Mormon Assault Vehicle or MAV:* A Chrysler or Dodge mini-van.

Mormon baptism

Mormon Battalion

Mormon Bible:* Gentile name for Book of Mormon, also called golden because of the plates. Can be found in some early sources about the religion. An old Western expression according to DAW is "to take a davy on the Mormon Bible", meaning to swear on something considered worthless or stupid, by non-Mormons.

Mormon Blanket:* [RA] Patchwork quilt made of smaller scraps.

Mormon Miracle Pageant

Mormon Missionaries

Mormon Oiler:* Derog. Mormon Mexican.

Mormon Pioneer Trail

Mormon Pioneers

Mormon Scripture

Mormon Standard Time - Twenty minutes late. The LDS belief that time is merely a transient illusion associated with our mortal existence.

Mormon Tabernacle Choir Broadcast ("The Spoken Word")

Mormon Tabernacle Choir* The large lay choir that broadcasts weekly from Temple Square in Salt Lake City.

Mormon Trail

Mormon undergarments

Mormon underwear

Mormon-Brake:*[D.A.W] A log tied behind a cart to slow it down when going downhill.

Mormon-Buckskin:* [RA] Baling wire.

Mormon-Buggy:* [D.A.W] Light springed wagon with fringed top.

Mormon-Currency:* Carrots.

Mormon-Derrick:* [RA] Type of crane for lifting hay off carts.

Mormon-Dip:* [RA] Milk gravy.

Mormon-Dog:* [DAW] Can with pebbles used as a rattle to control cattle when no dogs are available.

Mormon-Hobbles:* [DAW] Hobbles made of metal like a puzzle to deter native rustlers.

Mormon-Iron:* [DAW] Rawhide.

Mormon-shirttail:* [RA] Short-sleeved shirt.

Mormon-tangle:* [DAW] A packerís knot, also known as the ìsquaw hitchî.

Mormon-tea:* [DAW] A brew made from plants of the genus "ephedra." (Although it contains no caffeine, it does contain ephedrine. Apparently drunk by some 19th Century Mormons.)

Mormon-Tree - [DAW] The Lombardy poplar (Populus nigra), a fast growing tree used for hedging etc.

Mormon

Mormons * Unofficial terms for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and its members; members prefer to use the official name of the Church and to be referred to as Latter-day Saints.

Mormondom - [DAW] ñ Mormon country, Utah and environs.

Mormoness - Old word for Mormon woman.

Mormonism

Mormonite :* Old word for Mormon.

Mormonopoly - The Church's ownership and acquisition of non-religious real estate. Example: There's a Mormonopoly in downtown Salt Lake.

Mormonry:* [DAW] Arch. Mormonism.

Mormons

Mormotone - The cadence of speech often used by General Authorities during talks, especially at General Conference.

Moroni - (1) A Nephite military leader, c. 60 Be; (2) a Book of Mormon prophet, c. AD 420 who in 1827, as a resurrected being, gave Joseph Smith the gold plates from which Joseph translated the Book of Mormon. A statue of Moroni is placed atop some LDS temples and on the hill Cumorah.

Mother in Heaven - The teaching that spirits born on this earth have their premortal origins with a literal Heavenly Mother as well as a Heavenly Father.

Mother in Israel

Motherhood

Motrix - A society based on Mormon beliefs.

Mount of Transfiguration

Mountain Meadows Massacre - An incident in which certain Indian and Southern Utah Mormons participated in the massacre of a wagon train of immigrants passing through the Territory of Utah, 1857.

MTC - The shortened name of the Mission Training Center. The most well known missionary training center is in Provo, Utah, but there are numerous centers all over the world. Formally called missionaries go to the centers for training and instruction. Missionaries going places where they will be speaking a different language stay longer to learn the language.

much of... = as in much of happiness (Hinckley genitive)

Mulekites

Music and the Spoken Word

Mutual - Weekly activities for the teenage members of the Church. These are put together on a ward or congregation level. - The Church's auxiliary organization for youth ages twelve through eighteen, for many years called the Mutual Improvement Association, or MIA.

my heck

Mysteries of God

Mysteries

N

name

Name Extraction Program* Systematic transcription of genealogical information from original vital records.

Nature, Law of

Nauvoo, Illinois

Neighbor:* See "Friend."

Nephites * The Book of Mormon teaches a family left Jerusalem prior to its destruction. Lehi was the father and Nephi was the faithful son after which a godly civilization that the Book of Mormon said spread over the continent of America. The ungodly son Laman for which another civilization of ungodly works was also spread far and wide. LDS scholars have no problem locating Lamanites because pre-Columbian pagans were in fact all pagan. The missing link in Mesoamerican archeology and history for the Mormons are the Nephites. No one has ever found a single scrap of evidence for them.

New and Everlasting Covenant* The gospel of Jesus Christ. All covenants between God and mankind are part of the new and everlasting covenant.

New Birth

New Era* Since 1971, the Church periodical for young people.

New Heaven and New Earth

New Jerusalem* The administrative headquarters of the kingdom of God in the Western Hemisphere during Christ's millennial reign.

New Revelation

Newly-Wed and Nearly-Dead:* An LDS ward usually located in the poorer sections of Utah towns where only newly weds or nearly deads (the elderly) can afford to live.

Nibleyism:* A made-up factoid which supports Mormonism.

NoMo:* Never was a Mormon.

Non-Mormon:* Anyone who does not believe that x = x + 1 can be a true statement as long as you get a good feeling about it.

Nourish and strengthen - Part of most blessings on the food. This is due to a secret desire of all Mormon men to resemble the pictures of Nephites in the old Book of Mormons. (See food storage.)

Nursery

O

o.c. - Off-camera. Oakalate:* Present something as bad as good and something good as bad. Example: "Lying is good, honesty is bad. Lying is faith promoting - honesty is faith destroying." Oakland California Temple Oakland Pageant oath Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood Oaths Oaxaca Mexico Temple Obadiah obedience Obedience:* Following the Prophet's rules and regs to the letter, no matter how bizarre. Also, adopting each new version of church history as it arises. Obedienforcer:* 1. Mormon tattle tale. 2. Driving term: The person who will speed up, cut you off and slow down to just below the speed limit to make sure that you are driving the speed limit. Most often found in UT cutting off cars with a CA license plate. obey Obscene - An ancient word still used by Mormons and Baptists. Obsolete - See above. Occupational Status OCD:* Observant Cult Disorder commonly found in bright rational people who no longer allow themselves to be duped by cults operating as organized religions such as the Mormon Church. Oceania, the Church in office (1) A position of authority, duty, or trust in the Church organization; (2) an ordained calling or assignment to serve in the priesthood. Ogath Ogden Utah Ogden Utah History Ogden Utah Temple OH-CRAP:* Orrin Hatch School of Campaign Rhetoric And Promises OH-SHIT:* Orrin Hatch School of Highly Ineffective Tact. OH SHIT stands for Office of Holy Silencing of Historic and Intellectual Teachings (OHSHIT). "When the brethren read a book or an article they don't like, they refer it to the OHSHIT folks." Ohio Period Ohio, LDS Communities in Oil, Consecrated Oklahoma City Oklahoma Temple Old Main Page Old Testament Oliver Cowdery Omer Omer, son of Shule Omni Omnipotent God; Omnipresence of God; Omniscience of God one-tenth Only Begotten Son of God Opening Exercises Opening Exercises Opinion:* the word that is used to designate a teaching or doctrine given by a general authority that is unpopular as in, "that is only his opinion." opportunity Opposition Oquirrh Mountain Utah Temple Order of The Black Garment:* See Ex-Mormons Orderville:* Disorders-Ville. ordinance Ordinance Ordinances ordinances* A performance or prescribed ceremony related to the reception of a blessing, covenant, or ordination, such as baptism, confirmation, endowment, marriage, etc., performed by one who has been ordained to the priesthood and authorized to perform the ordinance. Ordination to the Priesthood Ordination:* Mormon male power surge. Organ Transplants and Donations Organic Evolution organization Organization of the Church in New Testament Times Organization of the Church, 1830 organize Origin of Man Original Sin Orihah Orihah, son of Jared Orlando Florida Temple Orrin Hatch Orrin Hatch:* Hatchet Man. O-ring. Borrin' Orrin. Tony Randall. Orrin Porter Rockwell. Washington D&C. Orson F. Whitney Orson Hyde Orson Pratt Orthodoxy, Heterodoxy, Heresy Osmosis:* A process whereby Mormon celebrities can be formed Other Leadership Positions Out of Mormonism Outer Darkness outer darkness A region totally removed from the light and glory of God, to which Satan and his followers will be consigned. Outer Limits - A phrase used to describe the subjects of church meeting talks when they are not pre-assigned. outside, the - Underworld slang for the free world outside of prison; e.g., "You know, Birdman, I can't even remember what things are like on the outside." (Okay, I know you knew this already. You're just following these links for fun!) Ovarimony:* What all females should have. overcome Overcoming Debt Oversacramentified:* When one begins to "zone out" and focuses on all of the "white noise" associated with Sacrament meeting. Kids crying, parents shushing, shuffling papers, coughing, preparing your lesson, and begins to playing / making faces at the kids in front of you etc., instead of listening to the "official" speaker or musical number. Ovumary:* "Semenary" for females. Oxymormon:* Robert Kirby. A double negative. Oxymoron:* Mormon Truths.

P

p-day - Short for "preparation day." Missionaries have one day of the week set aside for preparatory activities such as housecleaning, shopping, laundry, letter-writing, and, oh yes, recreation. Officially, missionaries are supposed to wear their suits and ties on p-day, except when participating in sporting activities. In reality, there are no ties in sight on p-day. Officially, p-day starts at 6:30 am and ends at 6:30 pm. In reality, the fun often starts at 10:30 the night before, and doesn't end until until late in the p-day night. Paanchi Packerson's Disease:* Tremulous condition caused by going for decades without oiling your little factory with the backup of body fluids creating rigidity and homophobic expletives. Pacumeni Pagan Animism:* LDS revelation teaching that non-living objects were also rational spirit beings. The earth itself lived and breathed and had been born from other parent earths! Pageants Pageants Pahoran pain painful Paler-mo:* The first city in Italy to become infested with Gadianton Mafia and Secret Combinations. An Italian Mormon who conspires to become the first General Authority from Italy. Palm Reading:* An activity denounced in the Bible but practiced by Lucy Mack Smith. Palmerization:* Neo-Mormon alternative to resignation or excommunication. By professing a clear knowledge of the truer Mormon origins and the discounting of Mormon scripture as not divine, yet having a love for the Mormon lifestyle and brotherhood, and a desire to continue with as few modifications as possible. The approach of Palmerization is to maximize Jesus and phase out the "Smith worshiping traditions." Palmyra Palmyra New York Temple Palmyra/Manchester, New York Panama City Panama Temple Papeete Tahiti Temple Paper Mormon:* One that is still on the records of the church and is one of the 10,000 boasted repeatedly by TBM's (True Believing Mormons), but is inactive and not a tithe-paying member. Many paper Mormons are dead people who once showed an interest in the LDS, they can be kept on membership lists for up to 90 years (not a joke!). Papyri, Joseph Smith Parable Parable Parables paradise paradise* The dwelling place of the spirits of the righteous dead who await resurrection and judgment. Parallelomania:* What modern Mo-pologists (Mormon apologists) try to do---find "parallels" between ancient, obscure belief systems that match roughly to Mormon beliefs, and use that to claim that Moism is "true." parent Parley P. Pratt Parmley, Lavern Watts part partake participate Pass along cards Pass along cards Passion of Christ Passover Pathetic:* The person(s) that put so much negative energy into bashing someone's religion by putting up a website. See: Latter Day Lampoon. patience patriarch Patriarch to the church Patriarch to the church patriarch* (1) An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood; (2) a holder of that. office in the Melchizedek Priesthood who gives patriarchal blessings; (3) an evangelist; (4) the father of a family. Patriarchal Blessing:* each stake has a stake patriarch who lays hands on young adults speaking prophetically. Mormons hold these blessings in high regard. Patriarchal Blessing:* Patronizing blessing. Old dude with hearing aid waxes sentimental. Roadmap for life. No need to plan further. patriarchal blessing* A formal blessing given by an ordained patriarch in which the recipient's lineage from one of the tribes of Israel is usually declared, exhortations are given, and spiritual gifts and life-missions are specified. Patriarchal Blessings Patriarchal Death Grip:* The Temple Recommend Interview. Patriarchal Grip:* The firm finger-hold with which the church accepts any monetary donation. The Houdini Handshake. The sticky goop keeping GAs' teeth in. Patriarchal Order of the Priesthood Patriarchal order:* Pecking order. Patronizing order. Pat on the head order. Pecker odor. An ancient order instigated by insecure men to usurp the property and wealth of women. Patronizachal Order. Megalomaniacal Order. Patronize (Patroneyes):* That glossed over glassy eyed, droopy eyed look one suffers from during an endowment session at an LDS temple. Patten, David W. pattern Paul Paul H. Dunn:* Paul-HecheDone, Paul H. Dung. Shared a fox hole with Gordon Hinckley in the "War in Heaven." Pauldunn (n.): * A special literary genre named after one of its most prolific modern users: A false story, often autobiographical, told for a good purpose, which thereby becomes true, and can be repeatedly retold; When capitalized ("Pauldunn"), a synonym for Mormonism in general. pay Pay Lay Ale:* DeBeer of DeCelestial Kingdumb. Pay Lay Ale Light. DeBeer of DeAaronic Penishood (a.k.a. "Lil' Whackers"). Paylay ale: No different than any other kind of ale. Attacks the brain directly, first weakening a persons judgment, then killing brain cells and causing hallucinations. This is the only kind of ale that a Mormon partakes of. People addicted to this ale begin to believe that the only way to heaven is by playing thumb-war with God through a curtain, rather than by accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Pay Lay Aliens:* Progressed Mormons (Usually dead like Moroni). PAY LAY femALE:* Secret password at 1870's Church-owned bordello. Pay-lay-aleontologist:* FARMS staff member. Nibley wannabee. PBS (Joseph Smith, American Profit):* Provo's B.S. Prozac Broadcasting System peace Pearl of Great Price Pearl of Great Price, Jesus Christ in Pearl of Great Price, The - Slimmest of the four standard works of the L.D.S. Church. This volume of scripture contains not only slightly altered rehashings of the early chapters of the Book of Genesis in the guise of first-person accounts by Moses and Abraham, but also the official eyewitness account of Joseph Smith's First Vision. This volume's Book of Abraham in particular is interesting, because it affords the only example of a still-extant ancient document supposedly translated by Joseph Smith. The papyrus scroll from which this book was "translated" came from an Egyptian mummy and fell into Smith's hands as a traveling exhibit passed through his town. Smith proclaimed the text a record kept by Abraham, and proceeded to produce a translation. When experts later showed that the scroll mentioned nothing whatsoever of Abraham, apologists began claiming that the scroll had merely prompted a revelation of things Abraham had written and that Smith hadn't actually translated anything as such. A "pearl of great price" indeed. Pearl of Great Price:* Early forerunner of today's "National Enquirer". The scriptures which don't fit anywhere else, and are the most embarrassing. Pearl of Great Price:* This is a collection of five Mormon revelations. The "Book of Moses," is an 8 chapter "revelation" revising the early chapters of Genesis. The "Book of Abraham," is purportedly more ancient and valuable than Genesis. This Egyptian text is said to contains the sacred Mormon Temple Endowment, but Egyptologists say these texts are merely part of the Egyptian Book of the Dead. This book also includes three illustrations or facsimilies with translation notes. Next is Joseph Smith's version of Matthew's Olivet Discourse. Next is a portion of Joseph Smith's history which includes his First Vision. Finally it contains the Articles of Faith which are said to be the beliefs and practices of the Church. These 13 articles are so vague it is hard to make conclusive statements about what they really believe from these statements alone. Pearl of Great Price* One of the standard works of the Church, containing the book of Moses, the book of Abraham, Joseph Smith-Matthew (a translation of Matthew 24), the Joseph Smith-History, and the Articles of Faith. Pearl of Great Price* One of the standard works of the Church, containing the book of Moses, the book of Abraham, Joseph SmithóMatthew (a translation of Matthew 24), the Joseph Smith-History, and th Articles of Faith. Pearls:* Shellfish boogers that most Mormons can't afford because of twenty kids and tithing and that they're told not to cast into wine. PEC - Priesthood Executive Committee - When asked about the execution of his priesthood leaders, the bishop might actually recommend it. Pedogamy:* Early church practice involving the taking of several underage wives. Sort of like the early day equivalent of The Neverland Ranch. Early church members have been known to convert their bedrooms into makeshift playrooms as a result of pedogamy. Peep stone: * Poop stone. For Toms like Joe only. pen - Underworld slang for "prison." Derived through an uncannily appropriate shortening of the word "penitentiary." (Don't tell me you didn't know this already.) Penis:* Patriarch's primary organ of communication. Most commonly played organ in church. Sword of spiteousness. The rod of God. Brigham's biggy. The iron rod. Root word i.e. Mel'schizeldick Penishood. people Perdition, Sons of perfect Perfection Perpetual Education Fund Perpetual Emigrating Fund (PEF) Perpetual Emigration Fund Perpetual Emigration Fund Persecution Personages:* Something-or-Otherages. personal Personal Ancestral File Personal Ancestral File Personal Ancestral File® (PAF)* A genealogical software package produced by the Church. Personal Ancestral FileÆ (PAF)* A genealogical software package produced by the Church. Personal Experiences and Testimonies Personal Progress Perth Australia Temple Peter Peter Priesthood - Derogatory name for the stereotypical young Mormon male. See also Molly Mormon. Peter Priesthood:* What the patriarchal order and priesthood is fixated upon. Peter Principle:* Tendency for Genital Authorities to rise to their level of incompetence in The Church Office Building's organizational hierarchy. The curious tendency for the length and size of one's male member to be inversely correlated to the rise in rank at LDS Church Headquarters. Peter Vidmar Peter Whitmer Home Peter Whitmer, Jr. Peter Whitmer, Sr. Petersoneptitude:* The icapability of the apologist to come up with a valid counter-argument which often leads to apologinsulting. Pew :* A medieval torture device still found in Mormon Churches. A first olfactory reaction to entering the High Priest class room. Smell coming from church gathering in summer time. Philosophy physical Physical Body Physical Death Physical Fitness and Recreation Physical Mischief Between Two Boys :* Male homosexuality (see Darth K. Vader's "For Young Men Only") Pinewood Derby - This race results in a whole lot of whining, crying.and all out tantrums. But the boys have a lot of fun. Pioneer Day Pioneer Day:* The Mormon Inquisition Celebration. Pioneer Day* July 24, celebration of the anniversary of the arrival of the Latter-day Saints in Salt Lake Valley in 1847. Pioneer Economy Pioneer Life and Worship Pioneers Pipe Links Pizza - Food which originated in the Chicago suburb of Italy on which is spent the second ten per cent of LDS income. place Plains of Agosh Plains of Heshlon plan Plan of Salvation Plan of Salvation, Plan of Redemption plan of salvation* The plan presented in the premortal existence providing for the creation, fall, probation, death, resurrection, judgment, salvation, and exaltation of mankind. Planning Calendars - A device that helps leaders remember meetings they didn’t want to go to. (They don’t need a planner to remember the ones they want to go to.) plates Plates, Metal Plates:* Dental appendages found in the mouths of many apostles. Pleasantville:* Documentary about life in Idaho Pleeeease? It's just one small request! :* Last ditch conversion effort by horny missionaries to convert that cute naughty Catholic girl who lives down the road. We all know what they say about those Catholic girls, don't we? Plural Marriage plural marriage* The doctrine that a man may be authorized by revelation from God through the living prophet to have more than one living wife. Plyg:*: A term to denote a polygamist or the child of a polygamist. PMT:* 1) Pre-Mormon Tension - The moral turmoil foisted on an investigator in order to get them to be baptized. 2) Pre Mormon-Testimony - A faking "Mormon's" worst nightmare as they have to pretend to believe what they don't. 3) Pre-Missionary Tension - Go figure. Poke-a-MO Weekend:* A semi-annual event that kicks off at downtown gay bars; occurs each and every General Conference weekend (best pickings after General Priesthood sessions). Policies, Practices, and Procedures Politics Polyg:* Nickname for someone in a polygamous marriage, especially one of the wives, also ìcohabî. polygadate polygamy Polygamy - The practice of plural marriage that was done away with so that the brethren would not miss all the Mash reruns. polygamy The practice of having more than one wife; more accurately, polygyny. Polygamy:* Pole-gamy. "Holier" Matrimony. "Mormon Hold 'em" (As seen on "The Simpsons") Legitimized lechery for the big sticks (see "priesthood" entry). No longer "official". Polygamy:* the LDS "belief" that men should have more than one wife. They are not practicing this "belief" currently. However some say when they make conversions in Muslim countries they do not require the convert to give up the extra wives. Many "fundamentalist" groups still "practice" polygamy. There are thousands of "secret polygamists" within the LDS church. FUNDAMENTALISTS Polygaphobia:* Fear of being or marrying a polygamist. Polygarmiony:* Two garments too many. Polynesian Cultural Center Polynesians ponder Poonvert:* Slang word for hormonal convert. pornography Portland LDS Temple:* Disneyland North. Portland Oregon Temple Porto Alegre Brazil Temple Post an Article on MormonWiki Post-Civil War Persecution Postearth Life posterity Postum - A coffee substitute made from barley and enjoyed by a good many Mormons. Yes, a "hot drink." See also Word of Wisdom, the. Postum:* Mormon coffee made from any and everything under the sun except tea or coffee. Liquid burnt toast. potential Potluck - Food that ceases to be lucky when removed from the pot. Potty Principle:* The peculiar process of the bladder and bowels reaching maximum storage capacity during Sacrament Meeting even on Fast Sunday and especially during testimony time. Poverty, Attitudes Toward power powerful PPI - Personal Priesthood Interview - Which is often preceded by the PPE (Preparation of Preposterous Excuses). Pratt, Orson Pratt, Parley Parker pray prayer Prayer Circle Prayer:* What you will be required to do until you have come around to my way of thinking. An oration issued in public or private full of flowery insincerities. A truly heart felt petition to the mercy of God when issued in a casino. The Judeo-Christian form of blessing (white magic)and cursing (black magic...no racial implications intended. Mormons do this 4-5 times a day! a device used to coax reluctant converts, or to break up awkward silences; during missionary work, it also allows a peek down a girl's top & up their skirt when they're not looking to check their modesty. Pre-Existence (Pre-Earthly Existence) Pre-Mortal Life Preaching the Gospel Predestination Preemie-This term is used to describe a young man who has not yet gone on a mission. The term is most commonly heard on LDS university campuses. Preexistence Preexistence:* It is hard to understand or witness effectively to a Mormon without understanding this doctrine. In some ways they have some very fatalistic values based on "present life" conditions being based on "past life" behavior. They believe if a person is born into a Mormon family in America that this means they were valiant faithful spirits in the preexistence. preexistence* (See .) preexistence* (See premortal life.) Preface Premarital Sex premortal Premortal Life premortal life* The doctrine of life as a spirit being before mortality. It is also called pre-earthly existence or antemortal life. Preparation Day prepare presence Preside Preside presidency Presidency Presidency of the Seventy Presidency, Concept of president President Benson - See Benson, Ezra Taft. President Hinckley Funeral President of the Church Presidents and Prophets Presiding Bishop Presiding Bishop* A General Authority under the First Presidency who directs the temporal affairs of the Church, assisted by two counselors; together they compose the Presiding Bishopric. Presiding Bishopric Presiding High Priest Press and Publications Press, News Media, and the Church Preston England Temple Prevelation:* What the prophet gets when he speaks with his Public Relations firm. price pride Pride and Prejudice:* Favorite reading of Mormons. Many get no further than the title. priest Priest, Aaronic Priesthood Priest:* youth group for "worthy" males between the age of 16 until they are ordained to the Melchizedek priesthood. These young men have been "ordained" into the Aaronic priesthood. You can see priests blessing the sacrament on Sundays at LDS church services. Because many young men leave the church during this age period there are many "inactive" members on the records of the church holding this office. priest* An office in the Aaronic Priesthood. Priestcraft priestcraft* Misuse of priesthood authority or spiritual gifts to gain personal influence or money. PriestDUD:* Efficacy indicating "Homonym" for Morg (Mormon) Priesthood. priesthood Priesthood - (pre-1978):* The Mormon Apartheid system priesthood - In L.D.S. doctrine, the authority to act in the name of God. Priesthood authority is passed from one priesthood holder to another through the laying on of hands, and every priesthood holder can trace his line of authority back through Joseph Smith to Jesus Christ himself. Every worthy male in the Church is given priesthood. Also used generically to refer to the entire group of priesthood holders as a body, though less pointedly so than in most other churches. See also Aaronic Priesthood, Melchizedek Preisthood. Priesthood Authority Priesthood Blessings priesthood blessings* Blessings of counsel and divine influence conferred by the authority of the priesthood. Priesthood Councils Priesthood Executive Committee, Stake and Ward Priesthood in Biblical Times Priesthood Interview Priesthood meeting Priesthood Offices priesthood offices* Specific appointments to positions of authority or of responsibility in the priesthood. Priesthood Power priesthood quorum* An organized body of male members who hold the same priesthood office. Priesthood Quorums Priesthood:* because their central teaching is "restorationist" Mormons emphasize the need for "restored" authority without which no Mormon believes they can receive baptism, communion, or temple ordinances. "The Priesthood was first given to Adam; he obtained the First Presidency, and held the keys of it from generation to generation," the Prophet said. "He obtained it in the Creation, before the world was formed." Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 157 "Christ is the Great High Priest; Adam next." Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 158 Priesthood:* Penishood. Penilehood. Melchizeldic Penishood. Mel's Chizeldick Penishold. Crazydick Priesthood. Holy Perpahood. The big stick which rules the family home. priesthood* (1) The power of God; (2) the authority to act in God's name; (3) the right and responsibility to preside within the Church organization; (4) a term referring to the men of the Church in general. Priests Primary Primary - A sort of Sunday School for Mormon children aged three through eleven. Primary* The auxiliary organization in the Church for children from ages eighteen months through eleven years. principle prison Pro-mo:* An employee of the Mormon Church or Brigham Young University. Probation problems process Proclamation to the World Proclamations of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles Procreation Profanity Professional Intuitive Consultant:* Prophet, seer and revelator. progress Prohibition Prolonging Life promise Promised Land Promised Land, Concept of a promised land* In Book of Mormon usage, usually the Western Hemisphere. Promised Poon Tang:* The syndrome that results any time sexual repression and religious ambition mix to form a bizarre doctrine based on an after-life filled with sexual fulfillment and religious exclusiveness. Prompting:* Inner feeling usually caused by dead people. In conference, a means of helloing nearly dead people to speak. The hearing of voices in the head. Prophecy Prophecy Prophecy in Biblical Times Prophecy in the Book of Mormon Prophecy:* Premature articulation. A sense of deja vu brought on by living the same life, over and over again. prophet prophet - In L.D.S. doctrine, one chosen by God to receive direct revelation. While apostles of modern times are ordained as "prophets, seers, and revelators," only the president of the Church is referred to as "the prophet" and is authorized to receive revelation on behalf of all God's children. Prophet Joseph Smith Prophet Mormon Prophet of the Church:* The man not sure if any specific belief is still taught within his church. (Gordon B. Hinckley, for example.) Prophet, Seer, and Revelator prophet, seer, and revelator* The special powers and functions held by members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Prophet:* The Zion King. Profit. Pro feet. Master-Mo. Ferengi. LDS Prophet...Grand Poobah of Utah. Pro-fet, fet being short for fettered. HRZ (His Royal Zioness). The Precedent (for everything a Mormon's supposed to do). Man noted for ability to live a long time and outlast his contemporaries. Prophet's pimp:* An employee of The Corporation of the President. prophet* (1) When capitalized, often refers to Joseph Smith; (2) when not capitalized, it can refer to the President of the Church, or any authorized spokesman for God; (3) one who has a testimony of Jesus Christ by the Holy Ghost has the "spirit of prophecy" (Rev. 19:10). Prophets proselyte (verb) An LDS variant of "proselytize," that is, to invite others to convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Protestant Reformation Protestantism Proverbs Provident Living Provo Utah Temple Provo-ked:* Self-righteous indignation in Utah County. Provo-tariat:* Working class Mormons from the backwoods, as opposed to the Salt Lake City-sie, the upper middle class General Authorities. Provo:* The Holier-than-thou City. Mormon Mecca. BYU. Provozac. Provoodoo. The City of Smotherly Love. City of birth of at least one (preferably two) children in every BIC (Born in the Covenant) family. Mormon Ground Zero. Provolone:* A Mormon form of baloney spattered about the BYU campus. The "meat", in contrast with the "milk". Provosexual:* Someone who is turned on by boring towns, boring women/men and boring religion. Proxi-mo:* A Holocaust victim who has been baptized for the dead by a Nazi Mormon. Proxy Baptism Proxy Baptism Prozac:* Provo Pez. ProvoCet. "Sandy Candy" - (In Sandy, Utah it's estimated that about 90% of the Mormon women in that city are on Prozac, Zoloft, or some other prescription anti-depressant.) Psalms Psalms, Messianic Prophecies in Pseudepigrapha Pubertum Maxidrine:* A wonder drug developed by Mormon fundamentalists which when administered to infants causes puberty to be reached at the age of two thus allowing more procreation and proliferation of the flock. Public Communications Public Relations Public Speaking Publications Puke-a-torium:* The Conference Center Pulpit Pulpit pure purpose Purpose of Earth Life Purpose of Life

Q

Quad Quad Quentin Cook Quentin L. Cook Quentin L. Cook question Quetzalcoatl Quinnify:* To find damaging information that undermines the very existence of the church but still be in denial about it's "truthiness." QuinnTelestial:* A defense of Mormonism for marginalizing apostates by accusing them of blowing "trivial tidbits of history" out of proportion and for being immoral, gay, lesbian or intellectual. Commonly used by Mormon apologists to discredit D. Michael Quinn, a prominent LDS historian who was excommunicated. quorum quorum (See .)* quorum (See priesthood quorum.)* Quorum of the Seventy Quorum of the Twelve Quorum of the Twelve Apostles Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the - The collection of apostles which stands second only to the First Presidency as a governing body of the L.D.S. Church. Sometimes also referred to as the Quorum of the Twelve, the Council of the Twelve, or simply the Twelve. Quorum of the Twelve Apostles* The body of twelve men who, under the direction of the First Presidency, constitute the second-highest presiding quorum of the Church. Quorum of the Twelve:* Mormon Politburo. Circling the Drain Gang. Quorums of the Seventy General Authorities organized in bodies of up to seventy members. Under supervision of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve, they direct missionary and other administrative activities of the Church. Quotes from the Prophets

Mormon Terms:Potential Terms

Revision as of 11:16, 13 September 2008

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@@ Line 1,633: / Line 1,633: @@
 [[Nursery]]
+== O ==
+o.c. - Off-camera.
+Oakalate:* Present something as bad as good and something good as bad. Example: "Lying is good, honesty is bad. Lying is faith promoting - honesty is faith destroying."
+Oakland California Temple
+Oakland Pageant
+oath
+Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood
+Oaths
+Oaxaca Mexico Temple
+Obadiah
+obedience
+Obedience:* Following the Prophet's rules and regs to the letter, no matter how bizarre. Also, adopting each new version of church history as it arises.
+Obedienforcer:* 1. Mormon tattle tale. 2. Driving term: The person who will speed up, cut you off and slow down to just below the speed limit to make sure that you are driving the speed limit. Most often found in UT cutting off cars with a CA license plate.
+obey
+Obscene - An ancient word still used by Mormons and Baptists.
+Obsolete - See above.
+Occupational Status
+OCD:* Observant Cult Disorder commonly found in bright rational people who no longer allow themselves to be duped by cults operating as organized religions such as the Mormon Church.
+Oceania, the Church in
+office (1) A position of authority, duty, or trust in the Church organization; (2) an ordained calling or assignment to serve in the priesthood.
+Ogath
+Ogden Utah
+Ogden Utah History
+Ogden Utah Temple
+OH-CRAP:* Orrin Hatch School of Campaign Rhetoric And Promises
+OH-SHIT:* Orrin Hatch School of Highly Ineffective Tact. OH SHIT stands for Office of Holy Silencing of Historic and Intellectual Teachings (OHSHIT). "When the brethren read a book or an article they don't like, they refer it to the OHSHIT folks."
+Ohio Period
+Ohio, LDS Communities in
+Oil, Consecrated
+Oklahoma City Oklahoma Temple
+Old Main Page
+Old Testament
+Oliver Cowdery
+Omer
+Omer, son of Shule
+Omni
+Omnipotent God; Omnipresence of God; Omniscience of God
+one-tenth
+Only Begotten Son of God
+Opening Exercises
+Opening Exercises
+Opinion:* the word that is used to designate a teaching or doctrine given by a general authority that is unpopular as in, "that is only his opinion."
+opportunity
+Opposition
+Oquirrh Mountain Utah Temple
+Order of The Black Garment:* See Ex-Mormons
+Orderville:* Disorders-Ville.
+ordinance
+Ordinance
+Ordinances
+ordinances* A performance or prescribed ceremony related to the reception of a blessing, covenant, or ordination, such as baptism, confirmation, endowment, marriage, etc., performed by one who has been ordained to the priesthood and authorized to perform the ordinance.
+Ordination to the Priesthood
+Ordination:* Mormon male power surge.
+Organ Transplants and Donations
+Organic Evolution
+organization
+Organization of the Church in New Testament Times
+Organization of the Church, 1830
+organize
+Origin of Man
+Original Sin
+Orihah
+Orihah, son of Jared
+Orlando Florida Temple
+Orrin Hatch
+Orrin Hatch:* Hatchet Man. O-ring. Borrin' Orrin. Tony Randall. Orrin Porter Rockwell. Washington D&C.
+Orson F. Whitney
+Orson Hyde
+Orson Pratt
+Orthodoxy, Heterodoxy, Heresy
+Osmosis:* A process whereby Mormon celebrities can be formed
+Other Leadership Positions
+Out of Mormonism
+Outer Darkness
+outer darkness A region totally removed from the light and glory of God, to which Satan and his followers will be consigned.
+Outer Limits - A phrase used to describe the subjects of church meeting talks when they are not pre-assigned.
+outside, the - Underworld slang for the free world outside of prison; e.g., "You know, Birdman, I can't even remember what things are like on the outside." (Okay, I know you knew this already. You're just following these links for fun!)
+Ovarimony:* What all females should have.
+overcome
+Overcoming Debt
+Oversacramentified:* When one begins to "zone out" and focuses on all of the "white noise" associated with Sacrament meeting. Kids crying, parents shushing, shuffling papers, coughing, preparing your lesson, and begins to playing / making faces at the kids in front of you etc., instead of listening to the "official" speaker or musical number.
+Ovumary:* "Semenary" for females.
+Oxymormon:* Robert Kirby. A double negative.
+Oxymoron:* Mormon Truths.
+== P ==
+p-day - Short for "preparation day." Missionaries have one day of the week set aside for preparatory activities such as housecleaning, shopping, laundry, letter-writing, and, oh yes, recreation. Officially, missionaries are supposed to wear their suits and ties on p-day, except when participating in sporting activities. In reality, there are no ties in sight on p-day. Officially, p-day starts at 6:30 am and ends at 6:30 pm. In reality, the fun often starts at 10:30 the night before, and doesn't end until until late in the p-day night.
+Paanchi
+Packerson's Disease:* Tremulous condition caused by going for decades without oiling your little factory with the backup of body fluids creating rigidity and homophobic expletives.
+Pacumeni
+Pagan Animism:* LDS revelation teaching that non-living objects were also rational spirit beings. The earth itself lived and breathed and had been born from other parent earths!
+Pageants
+Pageants
+Pahoran
+pain
+painful
+Paler-mo:* The first city in Italy to become infested with Gadianton Mafia and Secret Combinations. An Italian Mormon who conspires to become the first General Authority from Italy.
+Palm Reading:* An activity denounced in the Bible but practiced by Lucy Mack Smith.
+Palmerization:* Neo-Mormon alternative to resignation or excommunication. By professing a clear knowledge of the truer Mormon origins and the discounting of Mormon scripture as not divine, yet having a love for the Mormon lifestyle and brotherhood, and a desire to continue with as few modifications as possible. The approach of Palmerization is to maximize Jesus and phase out the "Smith worshiping traditions."
+Palmyra
+Palmyra New York Temple
+Palmyra/Manchester, New York
+Panama City Panama Temple
+Papeete Tahiti Temple
+Paper Mormon:* One that is still on the records of the church and is one of the 10,000 boasted repeatedly by TBM's (True Believing Mormons), but is inactive and not a tithe-paying member. Many paper Mormons are dead people who once showed an interest in the LDS, they can be kept on membership lists for up to 90 years (not a joke!).
+Papyri, Joseph Smith
+Parable
+Parable
+Parables
+paradise
+paradise* The dwelling place of the spirits of the righteous dead who await resurrection and judgment.
+Parallelomania:* What modern Mo-pologists (Mormon apologists) try to do---find "parallels" between ancient, obscure belief systems that match roughly to Mormon beliefs, and use that to claim that Moism is "true."
+parent
+Parley P. Pratt
+Parmley, Lavern Watts
+part
+partake
+participate
+Pass along cards
+Pass along cards
+Passion of Christ
+Passover
+Pathetic:* The person(s) that put so much negative energy into bashing someone's religion by putting up a website. See: Latter Day Lampoon.
+patience
+patriarch
+Patriarch to the church
+Patriarch to the church
+patriarch* (1) An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood; (2) a holder of that. office in the Melchizedek Priesthood who gives patriarchal blessings; (3) an evangelist; (4) the father of a family.
+Patriarchal Blessing:* each stake has a stake patriarch who lays hands on young adults speaking prophetically. Mormons hold these blessings in high regard.
+Patriarchal Blessing:* Patronizing blessing. Old dude with hearing aid waxes sentimental. Roadmap for life. No need to plan further.
+patriarchal blessing* A formal blessing given by an ordained patriarch in which the recipient's lineage from one of the tribes of Israel is usually declared, exhortations are given, and spiritual gifts and life-missions are specified.
+Patriarchal Blessings
+Patriarchal Death Grip:* The Temple Recommend Interview.
+Patriarchal Grip:* The firm finger-hold with which the church accepts any monetary donation. The Houdini Handshake. The sticky goop keeping GAs' teeth in.
+Patriarchal Order of the Priesthood
+Patriarchal order:* Pecking order. Patronizing order. Pat on the head order. Pecker odor. An ancient order instigated by insecure men to usurp the property and wealth of women. Patronizachal Order. Megalomaniacal Order.
+Patronize (Patroneyes):* That glossed over glassy eyed, droopy eyed look one suffers from during an endowment session at an LDS temple.
+Patten, David W.
+pattern
+Paul
+Paul H. Dunn:* Paul-HecheDone, Paul H. Dung. Shared a fox hole with Gordon Hinckley in the "War in Heaven."
+Pauldunn (n.): * A special literary genre named after one of its most prolific modern users: A false story, often autobiographical, told for a good purpose, which thereby becomes true, and can be repeatedly retold; When capitalized ("Pauldunn"), a synonym for Mormonism in general.
+pay
+Pay Lay Ale:* DeBeer of DeCelestial Kingdumb. Pay Lay Ale Light. DeBeer of DeAaronic Penishood (a.k.a. "Lil' Whackers"). Paylay ale: No different than any other kind of ale. Attacks the brain directly, first weakening a persons judgment, then killing brain cells and causing hallucinations. This is the only kind of ale that a Mormon partakes of. People addicted to this ale begin to believe that the only way to heaven is by playing thumb-war with God through a curtain, rather than by accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.
+Pay Lay Aliens:* Progressed Mormons (Usually dead like Moroni).
+PAY LAY femALE:* Secret password at 1870's Church-owned bordello.
+Pay-lay-aleontologist:* FARMS staff member. Nibley wannabee.
+PBS (Joseph Smith, American Profit):* Provo's B.S. Prozac Broadcasting System
+peace
+Pearl of Great Price
+Pearl of Great Price, Jesus Christ in
+Pearl of Great Price, The - Slimmest of the four standard works of the L.D.S. Church. This volume of scripture contains not only slightly altered rehashings of the early chapters of the Book of Genesis in the guise of first-person accounts by Moses and Abraham, but also the official eyewitness account of Joseph Smith's First Vision. This volume's Book of Abraham in particular is interesting, because it affords the only example of a still-extant ancient document supposedly translated by Joseph Smith. The papyrus scroll from which this book was "translated" came from an Egyptian mummy and fell into Smith's hands as a traveling exhibit passed through his town. Smith proclaimed the text a record kept by Abraham, and proceeded to produce a translation. When experts later showed that the scroll mentioned nothing whatsoever of Abraham, apologists began claiming that the scroll had merely prompted a revelation of things Abraham had written and that Smith hadn't actually translated anything as such. A "pearl of great price" indeed.
+Pearl of Great Price:* Early forerunner of today's "National Enquirer". The scriptures which don't fit anywhere else, and are the most embarrassing.
+Pearl of Great Price:* This is a collection of five Mormon revelations. The "Book of Moses," is an 8 chapter "revelation" revising the early chapters of Genesis. The "Book of Abraham," is purportedly more ancient and valuable than Genesis. This Egyptian text is said to contains the sacred Mormon Temple Endowment, but Egyptologists say these texts are merely part of the Egyptian Book of the Dead. This book also includes three illustrations or facsimilies with translation notes. Next is Joseph Smith's version of Matthew's Olivet Discourse. Next is a portion of Joseph Smith's history which includes his First Vision. Finally it contains the Articles of Faith which are said to be the beliefs and practices of the Church. These 13 articles are so vague it is hard to make conclusive statements about what they really believe from these statements alone.
+Pearl of Great Price* One of the standard works of the Church, containing the book of Moses, the book of Abraham, Joseph Smith-Matthew (a translation of Matthew 24), the Joseph Smith-History, and the Articles of Faith.
+Pearl of Great Price* One of the standard works of the Church, containing the book of Moses, the book of Abraham, Joseph SmithóMatthew (a translation of Matthew 24), the Joseph Smith-History, and th Articles of Faith.
+Pearls:* Shellfish boogers that most Mormons can't afford because of twenty kids and tithing and that they're told not to cast into wine.
+PEC - Priesthood Executive Committee - When asked about the execution of his priesthood leaders, the bishop might actually recommend it.
+Pedogamy:* Early church practice involving the taking of several underage wives. Sort of like the early day equivalent of The Neverland Ranch. Early church members have been known to convert their bedrooms into makeshift playrooms as a result of pedogamy.
+Peep stone: * Poop stone. For Toms like Joe only.
+pen - Underworld slang for "prison." Derived through an uncannily appropriate shortening of the word "penitentiary." (Don't tell me you didn't know this already.)
+Penis:* Patriarch's primary organ of communication. Most commonly played organ in church. Sword of spiteousness. The rod of God. Brigham's biggy. The iron rod. Root word i.e. Mel'schizeldick Penishood.
+people
+Perdition, Sons of
+perfect
+Perfection
+Perpetual Education Fund
+Perpetual Emigrating Fund (PEF)
+Perpetual Emigration Fund
+Perpetual Emigration Fund
+Persecution
+Personages:* Something-or-Otherages.
+personal
+Personal Ancestral File
+Personal Ancestral File
+Personal Ancestral File® (PAF)* A genealogical software package produced by the Church.
+Personal Ancestral FileÆ (PAF)* A genealogical software package produced by the Church.
+Personal Experiences and Testimonies
+Personal Progress
+Perth Australia Temple
+Peter
+Peter Priesthood - Derogatory name for the stereotypical young Mormon male. See also Molly Mormon.
+Peter Priesthood:* What the patriarchal order and priesthood is fixated upon.
+Peter Principle:* Tendency for Genital Authorities to rise to their level of incompetence in The Church Office Building's organizational hierarchy. The curious tendency for the length and size of one's male member to be inversely correlated to the rise in rank at LDS Church Headquarters.
+Peter Vidmar
+Peter Whitmer Home
+Peter Whitmer, Jr.
+Peter Whitmer, Sr.
+Petersoneptitude:* The icapability of the apologist to come up with a valid counter-argument which often leads to apologinsulting.
+Pew :* A medieval torture device still found in Mormon Churches. A first olfactory reaction to entering the High Priest class room. Smell coming from church gathering in summer time.
+Philosophy
+physical
+Physical Body
+Physical Death
+Physical Fitness and Recreation
+Physical Mischief Between Two Boys :* Male homosexuality (see Darth K. Vader's "For Young Men Only")
+Pinewood Derby - This race results in a whole lot of whining, crying.and all out tantrums. But the boys have a lot of fun.
+Pioneer Day
+Pioneer Day:* The Mormon Inquisition Celebration.
+Pioneer Day* July 24, celebration of the anniversary of the arrival of the Latter-day Saints in Salt Lake Valley in 1847.
+Pioneer Economy
+Pioneer Life and Worship
+Pioneers
+Pipe Links
+Pizza - Food which originated in the Chicago suburb of Italy on which is spent the second ten per cent of LDS income.
+place
+Plains of Agosh
+Plains of Heshlon
+plan
+Plan of Salvation
+Plan of Salvation, Plan of Redemption
+plan of salvation* The plan presented in the premortal existence providing for the creation, fall, probation, death, resurrection, judgment, salvation, and exaltation of mankind.
+Planning Calendars - A device that helps leaders remember meetings they didn’t want to go to. (They don’t need a planner to remember the ones they want to go to.)
+plates
+Plates, Metal
+Plates:* Dental appendages found in the mouths of many apostles.
+Pleasantville:* Documentary about life in Idaho
+Pleeeease? It's just one small request! :* Last ditch conversion effort by horny missionaries to convert that cute naughty Catholic girl who lives down the road. We all know what they say about those Catholic girls, don't we?
+Plural Marriage
+plural marriage* The doctrine that a man may be authorized by revelation from God through the living prophet to have more than one living wife.
+Plyg:*: A term to denote a polygamist or the child of a polygamist.
+PMT:* 1) Pre-Mormon Tension - The moral turmoil foisted on an investigator in order to get them to be baptized. 2) Pre Mormon-Testimony - A faking "Mormon's" worst nightmare as they have to pretend to believe what they don't. 3) Pre-Missionary Tension - Go figure.
+Poke-a-MO Weekend:* A semi-annual event that kicks off at downtown gay bars; occurs each and every General Conference weekend (best pickings after General Priesthood sessions).
+Policies, Practices, and Procedures
+Politics
+Polyg:* Nickname for someone in a polygamous marriage, especially one of the wives, also ìcohabî.
+polygadate
+polygamy
+Polygamy - The practice of plural marriage that was done away with so that the brethren would not miss all the Mash reruns.
+polygamy The practice of having more than one wife; more accurately, polygyny.
+Polygamy:* Pole-gamy. "Holier" Matrimony. "Mormon Hold 'em" (As seen on "The Simpsons") Legitimized lechery for the big sticks (see "priesthood" entry). No longer "official".
+Polygamy:* the LDS "belief" that men should have more than one wife. They are not practicing this "belief" currently. However some say when they make conversions in Muslim countries they do not require the convert to give up the extra wives. Many "fundamentalist" groups still "practice" polygamy. There are thousands of "secret polygamists" within the LDS church. FUNDAMENTALISTS
+Polygaphobia:* Fear of being or marrying a polygamist.
+Polygarmiony:* Two garments too many.
+Polynesian Cultural Center
+Polynesians
+ponder
+Poonvert:* Slang word for hormonal convert.
+pornography
+Portland LDS Temple:* Disneyland North.
+Portland Oregon Temple
+Porto Alegre Brazil Temple
+Post an Article on MormonWiki
+Post-Civil War Persecution
+Postearth Life
+posterity
+Postum - A coffee substitute made from barley and enjoyed by a good many Mormons. Yes, a "hot drink." See also Word of Wisdom, the.
+Postum:* Mormon coffee made from any and everything under the sun except tea or coffee. Liquid burnt toast.
+potential
+Potluck - Food that ceases to be lucky when removed from the pot.
+Potty Principle:* The peculiar process of the bladder and bowels reaching maximum storage capacity during Sacrament Meeting even on Fast Sunday and especially during testimony time.
+Poverty, Attitudes Toward
+power
+powerful
+PPI - Personal Priesthood Interview - Which is often preceded by the PPE (Preparation of Preposterous Excuses).
+Pratt, Orson
+Pratt, Parley Parker
+pray
+prayer
+Prayer Circle
+Prayer:* What you will be required to do until you have come around to my way of thinking. An oration issued in public or private full of flowery insincerities. A truly heart felt petition to the mercy of God when issued in a casino. The Judeo-Christian form of blessing (white magic)and cursing (black magic...no racial implications intended. Mormons do this 4-5 times a day! a device used to coax reluctant converts, or to break up awkward silences; during missionary work, it also allows a peek down a girl's top & up their skirt when they're not looking to check their modesty.
+Pre-Existence (Pre-Earthly Existence)
+Pre-Mortal Life
+Preaching the Gospel
+Predestination
+Preemie-This term is used to describe a young man who has not yet gone on a mission. The term is most commonly heard on LDS university campuses.
+Preexistence
+Preexistence:* It is hard to understand or witness effectively to a Mormon without understanding this doctrine. In some ways they have some very fatalistic values based on "present life" conditions being based on "past life" behavior. They believe if a person is born into a Mormon family in America that this means they were valiant faithful spirits in the preexistence.
+preexistence* (See .)
+preexistence* (See premortal life.)
+Preface
+Premarital Sex
+premortal
+Premortal Life
+premortal life* The doctrine of life as a spirit being before mortality. It is also called pre-earthly existence or antemortal life.
+Preparation Day
+prepare
+presence
+Preside
+Preside
+presidency
+Presidency
+Presidency of the Seventy
+Presidency, Concept of
+president
+President Benson - See Benson, Ezra Taft.
+President Hinckley Funeral
+President of the Church
+Presidents and Prophets
+Presiding Bishop
+Presiding Bishop* A General Authority under the First Presidency who directs the temporal affairs of the Church, assisted by two counselors; together they compose the Presiding Bishopric.
+Presiding Bishopric
+Presiding High Priest
+Press and Publications
+Press, News Media, and the Church
+Preston England Temple
+Prevelation:* What the prophet gets when he speaks with his Public Relations firm.
+price
+pride
+Pride and Prejudice:* Favorite reading of Mormons. Many get no further than the title.
+priest
+Priest, Aaronic Priesthood
+Priest:* youth group for "worthy" males between the age of 16 until they are ordained to the Melchizedek priesthood. These young men have been "ordained" into the Aaronic priesthood. You can see priests blessing the sacrament on Sundays at LDS church services. Because many young men leave the church during this age period there are many "inactive" members on the records of the church holding this office.
+priest* An office in the Aaronic Priesthood.
+Priestcraft
+priestcraft* Misuse of priesthood authority or spiritual gifts to gain personal influence or money.
+PriestDUD:* Efficacy indicating "Homonym" for Morg (Mormon) Priesthood.
+priesthood
+Priesthood - (pre-1978):* The Mormon Apartheid system
+priesthood - In L.D.S. doctrine, the authority to act in the name of God. Priesthood authority is passed from one priesthood holder to another through the laying on of hands, and every priesthood holder can trace his line of authority back through Joseph Smith to Jesus Christ himself. Every worthy male in the Church is given priesthood. Also used generically to refer to the entire group of priesthood holders as a body, though less pointedly so than in most other churches. See also Aaronic Priesthood, Melchizedek Preisthood.
+Priesthood Authority
+Priesthood Blessings
+priesthood blessings* Blessings of counsel and divine influence conferred by the authority of the priesthood.
+Priesthood Councils
+Priesthood Executive Committee, Stake and Ward
+Priesthood in Biblical Times
+Priesthood Interview
+Priesthood meeting
+Priesthood Offices
+priesthood offices* Specific appointments to positions of authority or of responsibility in the priesthood.
+Priesthood Power
+priesthood quorum* An organized body of male members who hold the same priesthood office.
+Priesthood Quorums
+Priesthood:* because their central teaching is "restorationist" Mormons emphasize the need for "restored" authority without which no Mormon believes they can receive baptism, communion, or temple ordinances. "The Priesthood was first given to Adam; he obtained the First Presidency, and held the keys of it from generation to generation," the Prophet said. "He obtained it in the Creation, before the world was formed." Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 157 "Christ is the Great High Priest; Adam next." Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 158
+Priesthood:* Penishood. Penilehood. Melchizeldic Penishood. Mel's Chizeldick Penishold. Crazydick Priesthood. Holy Perpahood. The big stick which rules the family home.
+priesthood* (1) The power of God; (2) the authority to act in God's name; (3) the right and responsibility to preside within the Church organization; (4) a term referring to the men of the Church in general.
+Priests
+Primary
+Primary - A sort of Sunday School for Mormon children aged three through eleven.
+Primary* The auxiliary organization in the Church for children from ages eighteen months through eleven years.
+principle
+prison
+Pro-mo:* An employee of the Mormon Church or Brigham Young University.
+Probation
+problems
+process
+Proclamation to the World
+Proclamations of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
+Procreation
+Profanity
+Professional Intuitive Consultant:* Prophet, seer and revelator.
+progress
+Prohibition
+Prolonging Life
+promise
+Promised Land
+Promised Land, Concept of a
+promised land* In Book of Mormon usage, usually the Western Hemisphere.
+Promised Poon Tang:* The syndrome that results any time sexual repression and religious ambition mix to form a bizarre doctrine based on an after-life filled with sexual fulfillment and religious exclusiveness.
+Prompting:* Inner feeling usually caused by dead people. In conference, a means of helloing nearly dead people to speak. The hearing of voices in the head.
+Prophecy
+Prophecy
+Prophecy in Biblical Times
+Prophecy in the Book of Mormon
+Prophecy:* Premature articulation. A sense of deja vu brought on by living the same life, over and over again.
+prophet
+prophet - In L.D.S. doctrine, one chosen by God to receive direct revelation. While apostles of modern times are ordained as "prophets, seers, and revelators," only the president of the Church is referred to as "the prophet" and is authorized to receive revelation on behalf of all God's children.
+Prophet Joseph Smith
+Prophet Mormon
+Prophet of the Church:* The man not sure if any specific belief is still taught within his church. (Gordon B. Hinckley, for example.)
+Prophet, Seer, and Revelator
+prophet, seer, and revelator* The special powers and functions held by members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
+Prophet:* The Zion King. Profit. Pro feet. Master-Mo. Ferengi. LDS Prophet...Grand Poobah of Utah. Pro-fet, fet being short for fettered. HRZ (His Royal Zioness). The Precedent (for everything a Mormon's supposed to do). Man noted for ability to live a long time and outlast his contemporaries.
+Prophet's pimp:* An employee of The Corporation of the President.
+prophet* (1) When capitalized, often refers to Joseph Smith; (2) when not capitalized, it can refer to the President of the Church, or any authorized spokesman for God; (3) one who has a testimony of Jesus Christ by the Holy Ghost has the "spirit of prophecy" (Rev. 19:10).
+Prophets
+proselyte (verb) An LDS variant of "proselytize," that is, to invite others to convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
+Protestant Reformation
+Protestantism
+Proverbs
+Provident Living
+Provo Utah Temple
+Provo-ked:* Self-righteous indignation in Utah County.
+Provo-tariat:* Working class Mormons from the backwoods, as opposed to the Salt Lake City-sie, the upper middle class General Authorities.
+Provo:* The Holier-than-thou City. Mormon Mecca. BYU. Provozac. Provoodoo. The City of Smotherly Love. City of birth of at least one (preferably two) children in every BIC (Born in the Covenant) family. Mormon Ground Zero.
+Provolone:* A Mormon form of baloney spattered about the BYU campus. The "meat", in contrast with the "milk".
+Provosexual:* Someone who is turned on by boring towns, boring women/men and boring religion.
+Proxi-mo:* A Holocaust victim who has been baptized for the dead by a Nazi Mormon.
+Proxy Baptism
+Proxy Baptism
+Prozac:* Provo Pez. ProvoCet. "Sandy Candy" - (In Sandy, Utah it's estimated that about 90% of the Mormon women in that city are on Prozac, Zoloft, or some other prescription anti-depressant.)
+Psalms
+Psalms, Messianic Prophecies in
+Pseudepigrapha
+Pubertum Maxidrine:* A wonder drug developed by Mormon fundamentalists which when administered to infants causes puberty to be reached at the age of two thus allowing more procreation and proliferation of the flock.
+Public Communications
+Public Relations
+Public Speaking
+Publications
+Puke-a-torium:* The Conference Center
+Pulpit
+Pulpit
+pure
+purpose
+Purpose of Earth Life
+Purpose of Life
+== Q  ==
+Quad
+Quad
+Quentin Cook
+Quentin L. Cook
+Quentin L. Cook
+question
+Quetzalcoatl
+Quinnify:* To find damaging information that undermines the very existence of the church but still be in denial about it's "truthiness."
+QuinnTelestial:* A defense of Mormonism for marginalizing apostates by accusing them of blowing "trivial tidbits of history" out of proportion and for being immoral, gay, lesbian or intellectual. Commonly used by Mormon apologists to discredit D. Michael Quinn, a prominent LDS historian who was excommunicated.
+quorum
+quorum (See .)*
+quorum (See priesthood quorum.)*
+Quorum of the Seventy
+Quorum of the Twelve
+Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
+Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the - The collection of apostles which stands second only to the First Presidency as a governing body of the L.D.S. Church. Sometimes also referred to as the Quorum of the Twelve, the Council of the Twelve, or simply the Twelve.
+Quorum of the Twelve Apostles* The body of twelve men who, under the direction of the First Presidency, constitute the second-highest presiding quorum of the Church.
+Quorum of the Twelve:* Mormon Politburo. Circling the Drain Gang.
+Quorums of the Seventy General Authorities organized in bodies of up to seventy members. Under supervision of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve, they direct missionary and other administrative activities of the Church.
+Quotes from the Prophets