Mormon Terms:Potential Terms
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These are suggested words for inclusion in Mormon Terms. Just because the word is on this list does NOT NECESSARILY mean that it should be included! Please review our inclusion criteria if you have any doubt!!
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A
a.p. - See assistant to the president.
Aaronic Priesthood - The lower order of priesthood authority in the L.D.S. Church, encompassing the offices of deacon, teacher, and priest. Young males are usually ordained deacons at the age of twelve. Named for Aaron, the brother of Moses -- not for baseball great Hank Aaron, as is widely believed. All "worthy" young Mormon boys are "ordained" to this priesthood beginning as young as age twelve. There are three "offices" within this priesthood: deacons, teachers, and priests. The lesser priesthood of the Church, consisting of the offices of deacon, teacher, priest, and bishop. Holders of this priesthood attend to temporal affairs of the Church (cf. Melchizedek Priesthood).
active in the Church Refers to regular attendance at meetings, observance of the principles of the gospel, and acceptance of Church callings.
Adam-ondi-Ahman The place (in what is now Daviess County, Missouri) where Adam gathered and blessed his posterity before his death; a locale where a future priesthood meeting will be held just previous to Christ's second coming.
Adam The first man. Latter-day Saints view him as one of the greatest and noblest of all men.
Adamic language A perfect spoken and written language given by God to Adam. added upon A phrase indicating that the faithful receive additional blessings in the life to follow. Those who were faithful in premortal life had blessings "added upon" them in mortality. Those who are faithful in this life will have "glory added upon their heads for ever and ever" (Abr. 3:26). administer To perform an ordinance, such as anointing the sick with oil or saying the set prayers to bless the bread and water of the sacrament.
age of accountability The age at which a child becomes personally responsible for motives, attitudes, desires, and actions. Designated by revelation to begin at eight years of age (D&C 68:25).
agency (often called free agency) The granted right to choose good or evil, and the responsibility for the choices made.
Ancestral File(TM) A computerized system of genealogical information that links names of individuals into pedigrees, showing their ancestors and descendants.
Ancient of Days A term used in Daniel 7:9, identified by revelation to Joseph Smith as Adam.
angel, fallen Specifically, the devil.* Generally, all who followed the devil in the premortal existence.
angels Literally, messengers; usually referring to messengers from God.
anointing(s) The placing of a drop or two of consecrated olive oil on a person's head as part of a special blessing, under the direction of the Melchizedek Priesthood.
Anti-Mormon Critic non-Mormon scientist, writer, historian, whose work undermines LDS doctrine.
AP - See assistant to the president.
ape - See assistant to the president.
apostate - One who has repudiated Mormonism for whatever reason and in whatever fashion, whether or not his or her name remains on the church's rolls. The commonly repeatedly Mormon party line would have it that these are the most unhappy people on the face of the earth, but reasonable humans are likely to perceive this attitude as sour grapes.
apostle - The second highest office in the Melchizedek Priesthood, and a special witness of Jesus Christ. Common Mormon belief holds that apostles know the resurrected Christ personally. Apostles are considered "prophets, seers and revelators," though only the ordained president of the Church holds all the keys necessary for administering the Kingdom of God on earth. See also Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the. An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood; usually a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
apostolic Church The Church presided over by the Twelve Apostles following the resurrection and ascension of Jesus Christ.
archives A general description for the record-keeping facilities of the Church in Salt Lake City. The archives hold a wide variety of records, including Church membership information, historical accounts, and the largest collection of genealogical data in the world.
area - The usually relatively small geographical region to which two missionaries are assigned
area A geographical ecclesiastical unit of the Church consisting of several regions and presided over by a president, who is a General Authority.
Articles of Faith Thirteen concise statements of LDS belief written by Joseph Smith in the Wentworth Letter.
assistant to the president - One of two missionaries who, by virtue of superior dedication, spirituality, and brown-nosing, are privileged to push paper in the mission office rather than pound pavement.
Assistants to the Twelve Persons who at one time in the Church were specifically called to be General Authorities to assist the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
Authority believe this was restored to Joseph Smith by having key Bible leaders appearing and ordaining Smith. Anyone ordained in the church receives a card tracing his priesthood back to Joseph Smith. Duly conferred priesthood power or delegated responsibility associated with position or function.
Auxiliary Organizations The Primary (children), Relief Society (adult women), Sunday School, and Young Men and Young Women organizations of the Church. Auxiliary organizations exist primarily to assist the priesthood government of the Church.
B
b.o.m. - Book of Mormon.
Babylon A term symbolic of worldliness.
Baptism of Fire and the Holy Ghost
Baptism:* "Baptism by immersion under the hands of a legal administrator, one empowered to bind on earth and seal in heaven, is the initiatory ordinance into the Church on earth and the celestial kingdom in the world to come (D. & C. 20:68-74; 2 Ne. 9:23-24). Baptism is the formally appointed means and ordinance which the Lord has provided so that man can signify his personal acceptance of all of the terms and conditions of the eternal gospel covenant. Thus in baptism, which as part of the gospel is itself a new and an everlasting covenant (D. & C. 22), man covenants to abide by all of the laws and requirements of the whole gospel."
Barge:* Jaredite
Barrow pit: * Something found only in Utah--a ditch alongside the road.
bear - In Mormon parlance, a verb invariably used with the word "testimony" to refer to the process of relating one's personal conviction of the truthfulness of certain religious precepts. This curious usage of the word is probably derived from the phrase "to bear witness." See also fast-and-testimony meeting, testimony meeting.
bear the priesthood To possess or hold duly conferred priesthood authority.
bear testimony To express one's personal convictions of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Beehive - 1) An LDS symbol of industry. 2) Young women's class.
Beehive Symbol* A logo representing industry and harmony, appearing frequently on objects associated with the LDS Church and Utah.
best two years of my life, the - A phrase sometimes employed by returned missionaries to describe their mission experience.
beyond the veil A metaphorical expression for the spirit world or for life after death.
BIC:* Born in the Covenant
bind on earth, bind in heaven Through the priesthood sealing power, to make an ordinance performed on earth valid throughout eternity.
Bishop:* heads a ward [300 to 500 members] who is also ordained a High Priest in their Melchizedek priesthood. They are largely unpaid and perform marriages and funerals and conduct services.
bishop's court A term used until recent years to indicate a disciplinary council conducted by a
Bishopric - In the L.D.S. ecclesiastical hierarchy, the presiding body of a ward, consisting of a bishop and his two counselors. See also first counselor.
blessing - This term can be used generically to refer to most any prayer, particularly prayers before meals, meetings, activities, etc. The term is often used specifically, however, to refer to an ordinance of the priesthood whereby hands are laid on a supplicant's head and a pronouncement of health, comfort, counsel, or christening is made. Though the syntactical structure of the blessing is similar to that of a regular prayer, the words are directed to the recipient rather than to God, often with instructions such as "be healed" or "live worthily" or "remember that your Father in Heaven is mindful of you." The giver of a blessing of this sort must be a worthy priesthood holder, and he is directed to keep his mind open and not speak his own thoughts or wishes, but rather to listen for the promptings of the Holy Ghost in knowing what instructions and/or promises to pass along to the recipient. When giving a blessing, the spokesman may be assisted by one or more other priesthood holders, who stand shoulder to shoulder and also place hands on the recipient's head.
Blood Atonement Some Mormons historically believed that some sins are so serious that they are outside of the blood of Christ. They believed it would be in the best interest of the offending person to have their own blood shed so they can have a hope that they will eventually be released from hell into the lowest kingdom in their afterlife. Some underground militia like fundamentalists feel they would be doing certain apostates a favor by shedding their blood.
BMW:* Big Mormon Wagon.
board (general, auxiliary) A small group of Church members called to help leaders of Church auxiliary organizations, such as Relief Society or Sunday School, at both the stake and the general Church administrative levels.
BOM:* Book of Mormon.
Book of Abraham* Writings of Abraham, revealed to Joseph Smith. The Book of Abraham is one of the books in the Pearl of Great Price.
Book of Commandments* The earliest published collection of revelations to Joseph Smith; a predecessor to the Doctrine and Covenants.
Book of Mormon - A collection of writings ascribed to various prophets who lived in undetermined regions of the American continents between 600 B.C. and A.D. 421. Another testament of Jesus Christ, and the keystone of the L.D.S. faith. The Book of Mormon tells the story of the prophet Lehi, who fled Jerusalem with his family after having been warned in a dream of the city's impending destruction by the Babylonians. They built a ship and sailed to America, where his son Nephi, also a prophet, began to keep a record of their proceedings on engraved metal plates. Subsequent prophets and kings continued this practice. Nearly a thousand years later, a prophet named Mormon abridged the records kept by his predecessors onto engraved plates of gold. These he gave into the keeping of his son Moroni -- you guessed it, another prophet -- who added a few chapters and then buried the record in a hill in what would later become the state of New York. In the early 1800s, a resurrected Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith, Jr., and led him to the site where the record was buried. Young Smith, aided by the Urim and Thummim, translated the engravings from the Reformed Egyptian into an English reminiscent of King James and soon thereafter published the work as the Book of Mormon -- so named in honor of its prime abridger. An account of ancient inhabitants of the Western Hemisphere, recorded on gold plates and translated by Joseph Smith. The record contains both a history of the people and the fulness of the everlasting gospel as revealed by the Savior to the ancient inhabitants.
Book of Moses* A record from the creation of the world and mankind to the flood at Noah's time, revealed to Joseph Smith while he was translating the Bible. Selections from the Book of Moses are now part of the Pearl of Great Price.
Book of Remembrance (1) A record begun by Adam and his immediate posterity; (2) a personal book containing genealogy and significant family history.
Born in the Covenant All children born to a couple after they have been married (sealed) in a temple.
Brass Plates - A record spoken of in the Book of Mormon, which was similar to the Old Testament, written on plates of brass, containing many writings of the prophets (1 Ne. 5:10-16); brought by Lehi and his family to the Western Hemisphere.
Brethren - (1) All male members of the Church; (2) "The Brethren," a designation of the General Authorities of the Church.
Brigham Tea or Brigham Weed:* See Mormon tea [DAW].
Brigham Young Cocktail:* [DAW] Moonshine, especially firewater or Indian whiskey.
Brighamite:* A follower of Brigham Young in the schism following Joseph Smith's death.
bucket - Calgary Canada Mission slang for a lazy missionary who habitually breaks the rules. Derivation uncertain. See also kicker.
buckfart - A flakism roughly equivalent to such words as "joker," "clown," "scumbag," and "stoopnagle."
burning in the bosom A metaphorical description of the feeling that sometimes attends the enveloping Spirit of the Lord, particularly when one understands God's words through the influence of the Holy Ghost (Luke 24:32; D&C 9:3-8).
BYD-This term stands for Bishop Youth Discussion. This is usually a Sunday evening meeting that youth 12 to 18 are asked to attend. At the meeting the Bishop gives a lesson on a specific topic, then the youth are able to ask him questions at the end.
BYU Motto:* Enter to serve, go forth to learn. The campus is our world.
C
Call - To offer a Church job to someone, through inspiration from God; e.g., "Brother Gilmore, the Lord has seen fit to call you to the position of Young Men's President." Derived from the Biblical passage Matthew 20:16: "For many be called, but few chosen." Also, the official notice of having been called. See also calling, mission call.
Calling* Invitation to accept an office or assignment; offices or assignments themselves. Any position of responsibility within the Mormon Church, from nursery attendant right up to prophet. Holders of such positions are said to have been "called" by God -- by inspiration through the duly constituted member of the bureaucratic chain. Missionaries receive their callings directly from the President of the Church, who purportedly receives revelation as to where in the world each one should be sent.
Canonize - To remove knowledge from member awareness by placing it in scriptures.
Celestial Kingdom* The highest of three degrees of glory in the kingdom of heaven.
center place of Zion The "center place," Independence, Missouri, the future site of the City of Zion (the New Jerusalem) and the temple (D&C 57:3); sometimes incorrectly called "center stake."
Chapel: * is the building the branch or ward meets in every week. The room or hall in a Church meetinghouse used for worship services.
Child of God The Latter-day Saint belief that all persons are spirit children of God in the premortal existence and that this parent-child relationship continues on this earth and through eternity.
chosen people Specifically those selected by God for special responsibilities, often requiring service and sacrifice; participants in the covenant of the gospel.
Church of the Firstborn* Those who are exalted or assured of receiving exaltation.
Cohab:* See Polyg.
collection of fast offerings The collection of voluntary offerings on fast day, usually the first Sunday of each month.
Comforter* The scriptures speak of two Comforters. The First Comforter is the Holy Ghost. The Second Comforter is Jesus Christ (John 14:1623; see also TPJS, pp. 150-51).
Commandments, The
Common consent* The principle whereby Church members vote to sustain and approve those called to serve in the Church and decisions made by leaders.
common judge The bishop of each ward, who has the responsibility to judge the spiritual and temporal condition of members of his ward. The stake president of each stake serves as a common judge for all members of his stake.
Companion - A missionary's assigned partner. Often shortened to comp. See also companionship.
companion, missionary A missionary's partner. Missionaries in the Church always work in pairs.
companionship - A unit consisting of two partnered missionaries who spend all their time together and are assigned to proselyte in a specific area. See also companion.
Compassionate Service* Aid or comfort rendered to others, in particular by members of the Relief Society.
Conference Reports* The published proceedings of the general conferences of the Church.
Conference:* Where one goes twice a year to hear "Mo"-tivational speakers.
confirmation* The bestowal of the gift of the Holy Ghost to newly baptized members by holders of the Melchizedek Priesthood; also official recognition of Church membership.
Consecration, law of* A divine principle whereby men and women voluntarily dedicate their time, talents, and material wealth to the establishment and building up of God's kingdom.
Convert (noun) A person who has chosen to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by being baptized and confirmed.
correlation meeting - Any of a broad spectrum of regularly scheduled meetings where Mormons in positions of responsibility get together to compare notes, swap gossip, and step on each other's toes as much a possible where their duties overlap.
correlation* A process by which all programs of the Church are identified and placed in proper relationship to each other: teachings, organizations, programs, meetings, and instructional materials.
Council in Heaven* The meeting in the premortal life of the Godhead and spirits designated for this earth, in which the plan of salvation was presented.
Council of the Twelve, the - See Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the.
Counselor: A person called to serve as an adviser, assistant, and occasional substitute for an officer or leader in the Church.
court (Church)* A term formerly used to mean a Church disciplinary council.
Covenant Israel, Latter-Day
crickets (Mormon) A type of cricket that threatened the crops of early Mormon pioneers. The crops were saved when large flocks of seagulls came and devoured the crickets.
CTR-This stands for Choose The Right, and is often seen on rings that members wear as reminders.
Cultural Hall - A very large space in the exact center most Mormon meetinghouses, suitable for stage plays, banquets, Scout ceremonies, blood drives, wedding receptions, and so forth -- though most often used for basketball games.
cumom - According to the Book of Mormon, a "more especially useful" beast living in ancient America. See note for "curelom." See also elephant, horse, ass.
Cumorah* (1) A hill in which the Book of Mormon prophet Mormon concealed sacred records before the annihilation of his people; (2) the hill in New York State, near the town of Palmyra, where Joseph Smith unearthed the gold plates from which he translated the Book of Mormon.
curelom - According to the Book of Mormon, a "more especially useful" beast living, along with cumoms and elephants, in ancient America. No one knows for certain what a curelom or cumom looked like, but apologists have speculated that they may have been mammoths or mastodons, and that Joseph Smith knew no English word to use as translations from the Reformed Egyptian.
D
D - Slang for "discussion"; e.g., "How many D's did you teach this week, Elders?" See also discussions, the.
d.a. - See dinner appointment.
D&C - See Doctrine and Covenants.
damnation* (1) The opposite of salvation; (2) to be stopped in one's spiritual progress; (3) the suffering of various degrees of penalty at the final judgment by those who have not accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ and repented of their sins.
DAMU:* Disaffected Mormon Underground.
Danites* A small and briefly organized band of Mormon militia men in 1838 who became the source for anti-Mormon legends.
Darkness:* The total lack of any light for three days, where even the sun could not light up the clouds during the day, and no one could light a fire with dry wood for three days. Mormons easily accept this claim in Third Nephi, Chapter 8 without any question or doubt whatsoever, and that has to be real "spiritual darkness!"
Daughters of the Whore:* LDS scriptural name for Protestant churches, the whore being the Roman Catholic Church.
Deacon:* Worthy boys age 12 to 14 are "ordained" into the Aaronic priesthood of which the office of deacon is the first held. Deacons pass the sacrament in LDS church services.
Dear Jane - A gender-reversed "Dear John" letter.
Dear John - A letter to a missionary from his significant other, informing him that she has failed to successfully wait. Often accompanied by a wedding announcement linking the significant other with one of the missionary's former companions. See also "Dear Jane."
Degrees of Glory* The celestial, terrestrial, and telestial kingdoms in heaven.
denying the Holy Ghost d (1) In general terms, rejecting a spiritual witness given by the Holy Ghost; (2) another term for blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which is an unpardonable sin.
Deseret* A Book of Mormon word meaning "honey bee," often used in titles of LDS institutions or by businesses in areas with concentrated LDS populations. A territory marked out by Brigham Young and his followers, originally comprising all of Utah, most of Nevada & Arizona, and parts of the states of California, Idaho, New Mexico, Oregon and Wyoming. The word comes from the BoM where it is glossed as "Bee".
Desert Tea:* See Mormon Tea [DAW].
die - In mission parlance, to be released from one's mission and return home; e.g., "I hope I die here in Babylonville, Elder. I'd hate to have to adjust to a whole new area before going home." Derived by analogy with the process in Mormon theology whereby spirits leave their premortal existence, are born physically and die on earth, then return to the spirit realm to await resurrection and judgment.
dinner appointment - An occasion when a member family invites the local missionaries over for dinner. The Church encourages this activity because a) it gives the missionaries a chance to remind the members that they should be introducing non-members of their acquaintance to the Restored Gospel, and b) it assures the missionaries of nutritious hot meals on occasion.
Disciplinary Procedures* The process of bringing a Church member before a priesthood officer or disciplinary council to account for alleged transgressions against Church standards and to take necessary steps toward repentance.
discussion - A lesson taught by missionaries to an investigator. So named, I believe, so as to minimize in investigators the feeling of being taught a rote catechetical sermon by inviting dialogue and greater back-and-forth participation. The current curriculum for prospective members includes six discussions, each about an hour in length, which cover the very most basic tenets of the Restored Gospel. Each discussion consists of several principles, which the missionaries are free to put across in their own words, adapting to the necessities of the situation. Companions usually take turns teaching principles. Most discussions end with an invitation to baptism. Most invitations to baptism end with a shake of the head. See also discussions, the.
discussions, the - A term applied broadly to the set of six missionary discussions, or to the process of teaching them to an investigator. A structured lesson on basic gospel principles presented to interested nonmembers.
disfellowshipment* A disciplinary action against a Church member that severely restricts participation in Church activity but falls short of excommunication.
Dispensation of the Fulness of Times
Dispensation A period of time in which priesthood authority and keys are established among mankind. The present dispensation, the last before the second coming of Christ, is called the "fulness of times."
Distribution Center* Centrally located outlets from which Church publications and other supplies are distributed.
district activity - A recreational activity designed to strengthen bonds of friendship, community, and purpose between the members of a district. Also, an excuse for goofing around. Contrast district meeting. See also zone activity.
District Leader - A missionary assigned to supervise usually two to four companionships, encompassing from four to eight other missionaries. Often shortened to d.l. See also zone leader.
district meeting - A weekly meeting at which the members of a district convene to report on their achievements of the past week, set performance goals for the next week, practice their teaching skills, and decide on someplace cool to go for lunch. Also, an excuse for goofing around. Contrast district activity.
District* (1) An ecclesiastical unit consisting of several branches of the Church in a geographic area where stakes are not organized; (2) a unit of organization in missions, consisting of missionaries and presided over by an experienced missionary called the district leader. A geographical area consisting usually of two to four companionships, encompassing from four to eight missionaries and supervised by a district leader. See also zone.
Doctrine and Covenants:* A volume of Latter-day Saint scripture containing selected revelations given to Joseph Smith and his successors in the presidency of the Church. A collection of revelations received primarily by Joseph Smith, though other latter-day prophets are also represented. One of the four canonized works of Mormon scripture. Often shortened to D & C
double-digit midget - Mission slang for a missionary with less than a hundred days of service remaining.
Dugout:* [DAW] Type of early Mormon log cabin.
dunk - Mission parlance for baptism. Can be used as either a noun or a verb; e.g., "How many dunks have you scored this month, Elder? Are you going to dunk anyone else before the month is over?" So derived because Mormons baptize by total immersion.
E
Early Morning Seminary LDS religion courses for high school students offered before the normal school day begins.
Efy.
elder brother A name or title of Jesus Christ, the firstborn of all Heavenly Father's spirit children.
Elders Quorum A group consisting of men holding the office of Elder in the Melchizedek Priesthood. An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood; a title designating a holder of this priesthood, a General Authority, or a male missionary.
Elohim* God the Father.
Empty Sea - A slang reference to the M.T.C.
Endowment* Ordinances of instruction and covenant performed by and for individuals in temples.
Enduring to the End* The doctrine that converted individuals must continue to show their faith through good works till the end of mortal life.
Ensign* (1) Since 1971, the official monthly periodical published by the Church. (2) a standard or flag.
Ephraim* The son of Joseph who was sold into Egypt, and heir to the birthright. The patriarchal blessings of many Latter-day Saints declare them to be of the lineage of Ephraim.
Eternal investigator - An investigator who takes the discussions repeatedly, often for years, without ever joining the Church. Sometimes, though not always, this is because the investigator simply enjoys the company of missionaries. Missionaries are counseled to limit the amount of time they spend with eternal investigators and to focus on more immediate prospects. (But eternal investigators are usually so much more interesting than the other kind!)
Eternal life* Exaltation in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom; often spoken of as "eternal lives."
Eternal Progression: Endless increase in glory and dominion.
eternity A synonym for "endless" as contrasted to things of mortality.
evangelist* The office of patriarch in the Melchizedek Priesthood.
even = as in ...thy Son, even the Lord Jesus Christ (Hinckley genitive)
exaltation* Attainment of the highest degree of glory in the celestial kingdom.
Excommunication A disciplinary action against a Church member in which membership is withdrawn.
Ex-Mormon or Exmormon:* Apostates-R-Us. Perdition Mission. The Church of the Latter-Day-Down-to-Earth People. Hellots.
F
FAIR:* A Mormon apologetic organization acronym - Fiction Articulated in Riddles. FAIRball:* A word play on "furball" meaning a Mormon apologetic statement inane enough to make one gag. faith Faith in God Program Faith in Jesus Christ Faith promoting rumor:* Something that didn't happen or isn't true that we pretend did happen or is true, because it makes us feel good. Mormon urban legend. faithful Faithship:* Implied friendship as a result of shared faith. This often leads to compete denial that any friendship ever existed once one friend no longer believes. Fake a Morgasm:* The act of bearing one's testimony in church while not actually feeling a burning in your bosom, often performed under duress or coercion. fall Fall of Adam Fall of Adam Fall of Adam and Eve Families Families are forever - Most particularly on Sunday mornings when one is trying to get into the bathroom. Families Can Be Together Forever Families Can Be Together Forever family Family finances Family History Family History Centers Family History Genealogy Family History Library Family History Library* The Church's repository of genealogical and historical data, the largest of its kind in the world, with branch libraries in more than 1,400 stake centers. family history, genealogy* Activity in the LDS Church that involves tracing one's lineage and composing ancestral histories. Family Home Evening Family Home Evening - The pre-game show for Monday Night Football. Family Home Evening 2 Family Home Evening:* FHE. Fighting and all Hell break loose Evening. "Manic Monday". Sabbath Extra. Family Yawn Meeting. 'Family Hoedown Evenin'. A weekly squirming exercise for Mormons and their children. Keeps members fit for Sunday hard-chair sitting. family home evening* A program in which families gather (usually on Monday evening) for family-centered spiritual training and social activities. Family Life Family Organizations Family Prayer Family Registry Family Registry(TM) A service provided by the Family History Department of the Church to help people who are doing research on the same family lines to cooperate and share results. Family Registryô A service provided by the Family History Department of the Church to help people who are doing research on the same family lines to cooperate and share results. Family Reunion:* AKA visiting the zoo. Family Search Family Tree Familysearch FamilySearch(TM) An automated computer system designed to simplify the task of family history research. FamilySearchô An automated computer system designed to simplify the task of family history research. Famous Mormons FAQ: Passing of Mormon Prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley FAQ: The Passing of Mormon Prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley FAQ:Passing of Mormon Prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley Far West Far West, Missouri farewell - See mission farewell. FARMS FARMS Jr.:* SHIELDS or FAIR. Farms Management Corporation Farms Owned By The Mormon Church Farms Owned By The Mormon Church. General Conference FARMS:* Where more sheep are bred. Pay-lay-alentologist's organization at BYU. Kolob Keystone Kops. fast Fast fast - To go without food for a specific purpose. In L.D.S. circles, this means skipping usually one or two meals in an act of discipline designed to tame the bodily appetites and bring a person more in tune with spiritual things. Fasting is normally coupled with prayer, and very often people fast when they are in need of a special sort of help from God, as a way to make their prayers more effective. It may also facilitate the sort of kinesthetic hallucinations which many people interpret as spiritual visitations. See also fast-and-testimony meeting, fast offering, Fast Sunday. Fast and Testimony meeting Fast and Testimony Meeting:* Snore and bore-a-thon. Practical training laboratory in enduring to the end. Starve and Tell Meeting. Fast and Cacaphony Meeting. Fast and Acrimony Meeting. Fast Day fast offering - In L.D.S. culture, a necessary accompaniment to fasting in which the faster donates to the Church an amount of money equal to or greater than the cost of the skipped meals. The money is earmarked directly for assistance to the poor (not a bad idea, actually). Think of it as "guilt money." On Fast Sundays, deacons are sent from house to house to troll for fast offerings from inactive members. Fast Offering:* The quicker the less painful. Fast Offerings fast offerings* Donations of at least the value of meals not eaten on fast Sunday, given to the bishop for the relief of the needy. Fast Sunday Fast Sunday - In the L.D.S. Church, the one Sunday set aside per month when all members who are physcially able to fast are expected to do so. See also fast-and-testimony meeting, fast offering. Fast Sunday Usually the first Sunday of each month, on which Church members refrain from food or drink for two meals and donate the equivalent cost to the Church to assist the poor and needy. The sacrament meeting on each fast Sunday, called fast and testimony meeting, is devoted to the voluntary bearing of testimony by members. fast-and-testimony meeting - A testimony meeting held on Fast Sundays in place of the normal sacrament meeting, where the time normally given over to sermons is devoted to allowing volunteers from the congregation to bear their testimonies. Suffering hungry through a fast-and-testimony meeting is one of the most agonizing ordeals that Mormons are required to undergo. Fastest Growing Church Fasting Fate father Father - A brother whose suit coat has either white stains on the lapel or frayed edges on the sleeves depending on whether his children are infants or missionary age (or both). Father and Sons Campout - A chance for sons to discover that the only essential difference between them and their dads is the number of marshmallows their fathers can get into their mouths before gagging. Fatherhood Fathers' Blessings Faust:* 1) Figure known for selling his soul to Satan. 2) Also subject of famous play by Goethe, Marlowe etc... not to be confused with 1). Fayette, New York Fear of God Featured Articles feeble knees feel feelings Fellowshipping Members fellowshipping members* The activity of encouraging established Church members to help new or inactive members to participate in Church practices. Fellowshipping:* Harassment. Feminism fetch fetch - A word used by Mormon missionaries the world over as an all-purpose substitute for "fuck." Synonymous with "flip." Fetch:* Mormon exclamation meaning to "fuck up". Slang for motherfucker. Sonofabitch. Aw-shit. See also: Flip. Fictorian:* A Mormon historian. field - See mission field. Fifty dollar bill - A mythical currency denomination. Some brethren claim to have actually seen one of these before marriage but even they are not entirely sure. filling the canteen = a boy trying to kiss as many girls as he can before he leaves for his mission final Final Judgment Finances Finances of the Church Financial Contributions find Fine Arts Fireside Fireside Fireside - A place where you can go and get a warm feeling. (But don’t count on roasting any marshmallows.) fireside - An evening Church service in which a touchie-feelie speaker addresses a group of Latter-day Saints on a gospel-related topic. The earliest firesides were held in people's homes -- thus the name -- and while some still are, the term has broadened to include any evening address, whether it be in a family room or in a chapel or via satellite from Salt Lake City. Firesides firesides* Informal gatherings of Church members and friends, often in homes and usually on Sundays, that feature a speaker or program of a spiritual theme. Occasionally Churchwide firesides are held under the direction of the First Presidency. First Contact:* The first meeting with a new race of beings from another planet. When the missionaries meet their investigator. First Counselor first counselor - In the Mormon ecclesiastical hierarchy, the first of usually two assistants called to aid a bishop, a stake president, etc., in the administration of his assigned jurisdiction, i.e., ward, stake, and so forth. See also bishopric, First Presidency, stake presidency. First Estate First Ministry of Jesus Christ:* Jesus having taken a physical body, and come to earth to establish the kingdom of God, was apparently incompetent and lacking in inspiration, for He made numerous mistakes and ultimately failed to impact humanity and complete His Mission - in fact creating such a mess with that Great Abominable Church, it seems like we would have all been better off had Jesus just stayed home and really gotten serious about carpentry. As it turns out, Peter was not the Rock upon He would build his church, but rather Peter was to return like Ben Kenobi bestow upon Luke Skywalker the Jedi Priesthood. In fact it seems Jesus was set up by His Father In Heaven for complete failure, just so that Joseph Smith could come down here and clean up all that mess Jesus had started... Leave it to Jesus, right? First Presidency First Presidency of the Church First Presidency, the - The supreme governing body of the L.D.S. Church, consisting of a president (or prophet) and an unspecified number of counselors, usually two. The prophet's counselors are drawn from the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, which must then acquire new apostles to fill out its ranks. When the prophet dies, the First Presidency is instantly dissolved and the counselors return to the Quorum of the Twelve, which then swells to fourteen or so in number. A new prophet is then selected from amongst the apostles -- traditionally the senior apostle, hence the usual advanced age and infirmity of prophets in recent decades. The new prophet selects counselors and the whole cycle repeats, often after only a few months. See also first counselor. First Presidency:* The God Squad. The "Provo-teriat". The Three Marketeers. The Preposterous Presidency. The Worst Precedentcy. The First Presidio. First Presidency:* these are senior apostles called by the President - Prophet to assist in the highest church leadership. Documents with their signatures are considered authoritative and binding on members. First Presidency* The President of the Church and his counselors; the highest ranking quorum in the Church. first principles and ordinances of the gospel* Faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism by immersion in water for the remission of sins, and the laying on of hands for the .gift of the Holy Ghost. First Principles of the Gospel First Quorum of the Seventy, the - A governing body of the L.D.S. Church subordinate only to the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. The Quorum is composed entirely of ordained seventies, though there is, surprisingly enough, no established numerical size for this group. A Second Quorum of the Seventy also exists, though I'm not quite sure why. First Vision First Vision, the - The occasion in 1820 when fourteen-year-old Joseph Smith, having retired to the woods (in a locale now known as the Sacred Grove) to pray about which church he should join, was purportedly visited by God the Eternal Father and his son Jesus Christ. These two distinct personages told young Joseph that no church currently on the earth was true, but that he would one day be instrumental in restoring the true Church of Jesus Christ to the world. To rewrite the story of Joseph Smith's First Vision, please see the feature "No Man Knows My Pancreas." First Vision:* The bit the Grays made up to help Joseph forget the anal probe. First Vision* The initial appearance of God the Father and Jesus Christ to Joseph Smith in the spring of 1820 near Palmyra, New York, marking the beginning of the restoration of the gospel. Firstborn of God Five Points of Fellowship:* Five gropes of bodyshifts. FKAM:* Formerly Known As Mormon (Sound it out....). flakism - Any nonsense word invented by David Flake that can be used as a substitute for profanity; e.g., "buckfart" or "shazz." flip flip - A word used by Mormon missionaries the world over as an all-purpose substitute for "fuck." Synonymous with "fetch." Flip:* Mormon exclamation meaning to "fuck up". Slang for motherfucker. Sonofabitch, Cocksucker, Aw-shit, See also: Fetch. Flower - A plant structure somewhat important for pollination but absolutely essential for Relief Society functions. Folk Art Folklore Folklore:* Former doctrines that have now became embarrassing to the LDS Church. follow Following the Brethren following the brethren* Heeding the counsel of local and general leaders of the Church. FoMo:* Formerly Mormon. food Food Storage Food Storage - Organic substances which promote good health among the brethren, not by consumption, but through a rigorous weightlifting program. food storage A supply of food necessary to sustain life for a year. Church leaders encourage members, where possible, to store food, clothing, fuel, and other items in preparation for emergencies. Football - The Great and Abominable church. At least according to the Relief Society. For the Strength of the Youth Forbidden fruit Foreknowledge of God Foreordination foreordination* The doctrine that individuals were called and set apart in the premortal existence to perform certain roles in mortal life, should they so choose. foreordination* The doctrine that individuals were called and set apart in the premortal existence to perform certain roles in mortal life, should they so choose. free agency (See agency.) forever Forgeries of Historical Documents forget forgive forgiveness foundation Four Corners:* Area where the states of Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona meet. Fourteen:* The legal age of a polygamist wife. See Helen Mar Kimball, Elizabeth Smart. Fox, Ruth May Foymons:* The "Mormons" who hang out in the foyer and hallways, never actually attending meetings: often closet disbelievers or apostates (see Mosochist). The Foymons like to hallstand while keeping their Mosochism to themselves. Francis M. Lyman Frankfurt Germany Temple Franklin D. Richards Franklin Day Planner:* Popular Mormon tool used to impress others with one's spiritual organizational excellence. Instrument used by Joseph Smith and Benjamin Franklin at the judgment bar to evaluate entrants to the Celestial Kingdom. freakin Freaking:* Mormon acceptable alternative to "Fucking". See also "Friggin." free Free - The only price which LDS mothers consider a bargain. free agency - The L.D.S. belief in every person's absolute right to choose his or her own beliefs and actions. Unfortunately, many Mormons tend to believe that free agency applies only to themselves and not to anyone else. Free Agency:* Freedom of mind which when practiced in such a manner as to disagree with a decision made by an appointed leader results in excommunication. free agency* See . Freedom Freemasonry Freemasonry and the Temple Freemasonry in Nauvoo Freiberg Germany Temple Frequently Asked Questions About the Passing of Mormon Prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley Fresno California Temple Friberg, Arnold:* Pretty good Mormon oil painter in traditional style without whose plates the Book of Mormon would be insufferably boring. Frick or Frickin':* A word used by contemporary mormons as a surrogate for "fucking." Friend - Someone willing to listen to your inspirational poetry. Friend Magazine Friend, the Friend, The Since 1971, the Church periodical for children. Friend, The* Since 1971, the Church periodical for children. Friend:* A nonmember acquaintance to whom you've never spoken more than a few words who you invite over for dinner with the missionaries. Unwitting gentile victim to be. friends Frigging (or freaking):* A euphemism for the "F" word as used by the righteous which is less commonly known to actually refer to female masturbation. Frostifaithing:* The Sugar-coated, Milk-before-meat, whitewashed, diluted, white bread, less offensive version of the church that many who were members 50 years ago no longer recognize today. Example: "The General Authorities want to frostifaith the entire religion so they appear to be more mainstream." (See also doctriglaze.) fruit fruitcake = at BYU spaz, fruity, and fruitcake mean crazy and not gay. fruity = at BYU spaz, fruity, and fruitcake mean crazy and not gay. FSU:* Former Spousal Unit. Fukuoka Japan Temple Fukuoka Japan Temple: * Fuckuova Temple. The best place you can tell any Mormon stalkers to get to. fulfill fullness Fullness of the Gospel Fulness of the Gospel fulness of the gospel* The doctrine, ordinances, authority, and organization necessary to enable individuals to attain salvation. Fundamental Principles Fundamentalist Mormons:* these both practice and believe in plural marriages and hold to very fundamental teachings taught by early church leaders like Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and John Taylor. Fundamentalists:* Fundies. People who still actually practice historical Mormon doctrine. Funeral Mormon Prophet
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g.a. - See general authority. g's - Slang for garments. GA:* General Authority, Great and Abominable. Gordon's Ass. Gawd awful. The Lyin' of Zion. Member of the A-nal Team. Geriatric Advisor. GA's:* Little Gray Men. Geezer Authorities. Gabriel Gabriel A person spoken of in Daniel 8:16 and Luke 1:11-19, identified as Noah by the Prophet Joseph Smith. Gambling Garden of Eden Garden of Gethsemane Gardening - A method for turning five hundred pounds of fertilizer into two and a half tomatoes. garment Garmentize:* To recognize that someone is Mormon because of the familiar neck and leg lines created by holy underwear. Garments garments - The sacred underclothing worn by many Mormons as a reminder of the covenants undertaken in the Temple as part of the endowment ceremony. The garments are to be worn at all times -- except during bathing, sports, and certain other activities -- and are not to be shown to or handled by non-members. Despite apocryphal claims that Mormons killed in various types of accidents have suffered no injury on the parts of their bodies covered by the garments, the Church teaches that the garments offer only spiritual and not physical protection. I mean, what good is magical armor that doesn't cover your head? Garments:* Garmies. G's. Funny undies. Jesus Jammies. Mormon birth control. Devil deflectors. Mason undies. Kolob Kevlars. Tits to the Square. Wicked wedgies. A filmy coating designed for the body which is worn as a continual reminder of the slipperiness of the doctrines of the Church. Thermal underwear for the righteous. Angel chaps. Pious panties. Magic Underwear. White under burka. Latter-day chastity belt. garments* Sacred ceremonial undergarments associated with temple covenants. garments* Sacred ceremonial undergarments associated with temple covenants. General Authorities* Members of the presiding lay leadership of the Church: the First Presidency, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Quorums of the Seventy, and Presiding Bishopric. Garmeroos:* What a koala bear or kangaroo wears after being endowed in the Sydney Australia LDS Temple. Gates, Susa Young Gathering Gathering of Israel Gathering of Israel gator - slang for "investigator." Gay Gays:* Prior to 1998, fictitious persons who exhibited homosexual tendencies. Caused by masturbation. See Same Sex Attraction (SSA). That longing look the missionary kept giving you. People who were never really Mormon. Gazelem GEDCOM Gender and Cultural Issues Genealogical Society of Utah Genealogical Work:* Mormons have been taught that they must research out their relatives. They fill out family group sheets and pedigree charts to establish links to the past. They present these records to the Mormon temple so that people can be baptized by proxy for the dead, then later adult "temple Mormons" will go through an endowment session by proxy for the relative. Later others will go into a sealing room and by proxy have entire families sealed together so they can be together in the Celestial Kingdom. Modern Mormons are using DNA to enhance their research but are saying this same science should not be trusted as it applies to the Book of Mormon. genealogy Genealogy Genealogy, Family History Genealogy:* Sorting out which of the wives you're related to. General Authorities General Authorities:* Gerontocracy. Zombies of Zion. The Illumi"knotty" (AKA Illumi"NUTTY"). The Deseret Mafia. The Prophet Club for Men. The Celestial Circle. Garmented Asses. Genital Authorities. Deseret Dinosaurs. General Authorities:* the Prophet - President, First Presidency, Apostles, Presidents of the Seventies, First Quorum of Seventy, Second Quorum of Seventy, Area Seventies, Presiding Bishopric. General Authorities* Members of the presiding lay leadership of the Church: the First Presidency, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Quorums of the Seventy, and Presiding Bishopric. General Authority general authority - Catch-all term for a member of any of the governing bodies of the L.D.S. Church, including the First Presidency, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the First and Second Quorums of the Seventy, and the Presiding Bishopric. Also applies to the Patriarch of the Church. Often shortened to g.a. General Authority(ies):* G.A. Great and Abominable. Gestapo Authority. gerontocrat. Generalizing Authority. Geritol Gang. Group also known in musical circles as "The Arythmiacs". Priapic (of, relating to, or resembling a phallus; phallic. Relating to or overly concerned with masculinity) post for big sticks. The American politburo. Geritol Authorities. Geriatric Authorities. General Church Information General Conference general conference General assemblies of Church members in Salt Lake City, regularly convened every April and October. General Conference Reports:* Chloroform in print. Statistics only making sense when viewed with your "spiritual eyes." General Conference Talks General Conference:* Self-aggrandizement". Mass spanking and finger-pointing fest. Hosted by the Prophet and his minions twice a year. Can be viewed live or by remote satellite link. General Regurgitants. General Handbook of Instructions General Handbook Of Instructions:* General Handbook of Inquisition. General Handbook of Impositions. General Relief Society Presidency General Relief Society Presidents Generalissi-mo:* The highest ranking Mormon leader in Latin America or Italy. Genesis Genital Authority:* Boyd K Packer or Spencer W Kimball who were obsessed with all aspects of sexuality. Gentile - An individual who is not a Mormon - yet. gentile - Used to refer to any non-Mormon. This is a non-stigmatic term, as opposed to "heathen." Gentile:* NeverMo. (In Mormonism) a practicing Jew. Gentile(s)* According to the context in which it is used, the following meanings are possible for Latter-day Saints: (1) one not of the lineage of Israel; (2) a non-Latter-day Saint; (3) one who is not Jewish; (4) one who is not a Lamanite. Gentiles Gentiles, Fulness of Gentiles:* any non Mormon. Geographical List of Temples George A. Smith George Albert Smith George Albert Smith (b. 1817) George Albert Smith (Prophet) George F. Richards George Q. Cannon George Q. Morris George Teasdale Geroni-mo:* Lamanite chief famous for smitting off the arms, legs and heads of ten thousand wicked Nephites in the Battle of Little Big Cumorahorn. get Gethsemane getting some action = kissing; making out Ghosts:* Departed relatives who have nothing better to do than hang around and provide promptings, get baptized, help out bored TBMs (True Believing Mormons) with family research etc for eternity. Giddianhi: * How to make a Mormon horse run Gideon Gidgiddonah gift Gift of the Holy Ghost Gift of Tongues:* Joseph Smith's new revelation that making out with women other than your wife is okay, in fact, its great, in fact, its commanded of you, in fact, is necessary to attain celestial glory, in fact.... Gifts of the Spirit Gigal Gilbert, Arizona:* South Gordy-Town. Gilead Gilgah Gilgal Girl - A constant irritation to LDS boys, even when they are not around. give Giz-mo:* A faithful member of an LDS ward who comes volunteers for those callings no one else will accept i.e restroom scrubber, Conference Center cleaner, temple session attender or nursery worker. Gladys Knight Gladys Knight:* New patron saint of Public Relations for the Mormon Church. Pimp Gordy's sugar bun. Glenn Beck glory Glossary go goal god God God the Father God, Attributes of God:* an exalted man who once lived on a planet like ours and proved obedient. He received "priesthood" and went through a temple having his family sealed to him. He and his wives are having spiritual babies for other planets as his kingdom eternally expands "eternal progression." Mormons believe in a trinity of purpose not substance. Doctrine & Covenants 130:3 reads "the appearance of the Father and Son in that verse [Jn 14:23], is a personal appearance; and the idea that the Father and Son dwell in a man's heart is an old sectarian notion, and is false." Later in the same section in verse 22 Smith wrote "the Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man's; the Son also; but the Holy Ghost has not a body of flesh and bones, but is a personage of Spirit. Were it not so, the Holy Ghost could not dwell in us." In the current temple endowment, as in the past, God the Father is introduced as being "Elohim," God the Son is introduced as "Jehovah," and the "Michael" is introduced as the third major person among the gods of creation. Many Mormons believe Michael was Adam's premortal name. God:* White guy on Kolob. God's Will Godhead Godhead:* "The Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man's; the Son also; but the Holy Ghost has not a body of flesh and bones, but is a personage of Spirit. Were it not so, the Holy Ghost could not dwell in us." Doctrine and Covenants 130:22 "I will preach on the plurality of Gods. I have selected this text for that express purpose. I wish to declare I have always and in all congregations when I have preach on the subject of the Deity, it has been the plurality of Gods. It has been preached by the Elders for fifteen years." Godhead:* Celestial oral sex. Godhood Godify:* To make ones self LOOK better than they are. Godmakers:* Mormon, a film made by Ed Decker, or a word that gets a strong response from faithful latter-day saints. Gold plates Gold Plates Gold Plates 2 gold plates* The anciently engraved metal plates from which Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon. golden - A term applied to investigators who are primed and ready to join the Church, often before even meeting the missionaries, and for whom taking the discussions is merely a formality before baptism. Golden Bible Golden Bible:* see Mormon Bible. Golden Opportunity:* A moment of very personal tragedy in the life of a friend or neighbor when you must insert yourself and preach the gospel. Golden Plates Golden Plates, the - The engraved record delivered by the angel Moroni to the prophet Joseph Smith, from which the Book of Mormon was purportedly translated. The plates were seen by only a few select witnesses, whose testimony can be found in the front of current editions of the Book of Mormon. Shortly after the work of translation was complete, Moroni returned and took the plates back to whatever dimension he originally came from. Golden Plates: * At the end of the rainbow, kept by a leprechaun called Moro O' Nigh. good Good - Mom, apple pie, church and caffeine-free Coke. Good-Ship-Mormon:: * Phrase coined in a letter written by Stuart Ferguson meaning, "I don't believe this crap but I'm too scared to leave". Gordenial:* Denial mechanism employed by the current LDS prophet to distance himself from his perverted predecessors. Example: "I don't know that we teach that." Gordon B Hinckley:* Gordon B. Wrinkley. The Zion King. GordyBeKinkly. The Hink. Gordon BullSh*t Hinckley. Gordinance B. Weekly. The Prophet of Oz. Gordo Big Twinkie. The Lying King. Pres. Gordon "No Man Knows My Doctrine" Hinckley. Gonna B. Deadsoon. Gordilox. Gordong B. Hink-lie. Gordon B. Hinckley Gordon B. Hinckley Funeral Services Gordon Smith Goshutes:* Derog. Name for Utes. ìGoshî + ìShootî. gospel Gospel Gospel Doctrine Class Gospel Essentials Class Gospel Geek:* A Mormon apologist most of whom live in Provo and work for FARMS. A FARMS worker. Gospel Music Gospel of Abraham Gospel of Jesus Christ Gospel of John Gospel Principles gospel* The "good news" of redemption through Jesus Christ; the principles and ordinances of the plan of salvation. grace Grace:* Mormons don't dwell on this word but they believe it applied to their "past" sins before the were baptized. Candidates for baptism are interviewed for worthiness first. grace* Divine help given through the mercy of Jesus Christ. It is an enabling power that allows men and women to receive eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts. Grandpa bill's general authority page Granite Mountain Record Vault Grant, Heber J. grateful gratitude Great and Abominable Church great and abominable church* All assemblies, congregations, or associations of people not authorized by God and that fight against God and his purposes great and abominable church* All assemblies, congregations, or associations of people not authorized by God and that fight against God and his purposes heaven* (1) The dwelling place of God; (2) any kingdom of glory. Great Apostasy Great Salt Lake:* Large dead salty body of water as opposed to the spiritually dead city near by. greenie - Greenhorn. A missionary new to the field, freshly arrived from the M.T.C. Butt of jokes and victim of mostly harmless initiation rites. Greenies - A term applied to new missionaries based on the metaphor of un-ripened fruit. Because, unlike other missionaries, they are not yet sweet, round and soft in the middle. Greg Dodge:* Busiest Man In Utah. The Great Liberator. Gridlock:* A conglomerate of mini-vans, Cadillacs, old Buicks, Chevy Suburbans and motorcycles squeezing out of church parking lot at high rates of speed after Fast and Testimony Meeting. grove of trees grow Growth:* Social proof that the Church is true (used in lieu of no factual proof). Guadalajara Mexico Temple Guantana-mo:* The only known blood relative of Fidel Castro who joined the Mormon Church. Guatemala City Guatemala Temple Guayaquil Ecuador Temple guide guilt Guilt:* An emotion beneficial to keeping control of the hosts of Mormons when we underscore their failing miserably in other areas. Higher suicide rates among young Mormon youth confirm that guilt can work wonders throughout ones life to get the results that the General Authority espouses. Temple marriage. Every young man must serve a mission. Molly Mormon should be perfect, even as her father the bishop is perfect. Feeling aroused when GA speaks in conference about how much more faithful people were in the days of Briggy, etc. Gull:* Young female soon to be married. White and delightsome bird that lives near large bodies of salt water and likes eating crickets.
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H. David Burton Habakkuk habit Haggai Hagoth Hagoth:* Book of Mormon ancestor of the Polynesians (FARMS). We're sure he's in Harry Potter somewhere but not sure where exactly. Half-witted - One casserole short of a full potluck. Halifax Nova Scotia Temple Halitemplosis:* Bad breath issued forth from the lips and mouths of temple workers at the veil. "Oh God, don't smell the breath of my mouth!" - repeated three times. Hallelujah:* Word said a lot in the Bible but never by Mormons. Hallusmithation:* Claiming to see God and Jesus and angels and saints and ancient golden plates and thinking you can translate the imaginary plates by sticking your head in a hat with some rocks. Hamilton New Zealand Temple Handcart Companies happens happiness happy Harem of the Twelve:* The nickname for GAs' wives during polygamous times. harmful Harmony, Pennsylvania Harold B. Lee Harris, Martin Harrison New York Temple Harry Reid Hathaway Brook Hathaway Brook Haun's Mill Haun's Mill Massacre have Hawaii Reserves, Inc. Hawaii, the Church in Head of the Church health Health, Attitudes Toward hear heart Heart - The spiritual center of all Relief Society sisters. It moves hundreds of gallons of blood each day that would otherwise be stagnant. And that’s just in the brethren. Hearthom heaven Heaven:* Post existence. A personal planet or some part of the Celestial Kingdom. Term much avoided in Mormon theology as it points to something concrete. heaven* (1) The dwelling place of God; (2) any kingdom of glory. Heavenly Father Heavenly Mother Heber C. Kimball Heber J. Grant Hebrews, Epistle to the Heck:* Mormons avoid saying "Hell" or "Devil" as they are commanded in the Bible "Not to take your LORD'S name in vain". Hedonophobia:* An abnormal, excessive, and persistent fear of pleasure common among Latter-day sufferers (LDS) with puritanical and patriarchal phobias. LDS typically feel guilty about experiencing pleasure even though they usually realize rationally there is nothing at all wrong with taking pleasure. Their guilt usually arises from the fact that they are participating a pleasurable activity while others in their ward or in the world at large are experiencing nothing but illness, grief, economic hardship and other painful problems. Their guilt may also arise from the belief that life is best lived as if aspiring to become a General Authority like Boyd K. Packer (similar to the idea that, for a medicine to do good, it must taste bad). Heirs Helaman 1 Helaman 2 Helaman 3 hell Hell Hell - A lake of fire and brimstone, but not Utah Lake. hell* (1) The condition of misery one may feel after sinning; (2) the temporary dwelling place of the unrepentant till the judgment day. help Helsinki Finland Temple Henry B. Eyring Henry B. Eyring: * Honk'n Big Nosering. Harry Big Spyring. Hank B Eyewink. Henry D. Moyle Henry Eyring Hermosillo Sonora Mexico Temple Heth Heth, son of Aaron Heth, son of Com Heth, son of Hearthom Hie:* What you have to do to get to Kolob. Alternative spelling: "high" (this spelling only used to describe what Joseph Smith probably was when he thought up the idea of Kolob). High Council High Council high council (high councilor)* A group of twelve high priests (and sometimes alternates) who help direct the affairs of a stake. High Piste: * Mormon only Ski slope. High Priest High Priest Group Leader: * High Grease Poop Leader. Mormon drug addict. High Priest:* A man (Caucasian only, and no women allowed) who is under enough toxic influence to preach Mormonism, and actually believe a word of it. High Priest:* worthy adult male leaders who have proven worthy elders. They "administer" ward and stake leadership as a bishops, high counselors, or stake presidencies. high priest* An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood. higher law, a - The authority to which Mormons appeal when the laws of the land inconvenience the fulfillment of their desires. Nowhere mentioned in Joseph Smith's twelfth Article of Faith: "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law." Hill Cumorah Hill Cumorah Pageant Hill Cumorah: * According to Ether 15:2 "nearly two million" of the Jaredites had their last great battle here using steel weapons and armor - Were there no metal detectors in 1830? Hill Ephraim Hill of Shim Hill Ramah Hinckley (n.):* A unit of measure: The angle by which traditional Mormon doctrine must be bent in order to conform to more orthodox Christian doctrine; usually equal to 180 degrees. Hinckleyness:* : To liken oneself unto Gordon Hinckley. Example: "If people would consider their Hinkleyness in all things before speaking, they would only relate faithful histories of the church." Hinckster:* From combining "huckster" with Hinckley. Hiram Page Hiram, Ohio His Royal Zioness:* (HRZ) The Mormon Prophet. Historians, Church Historic Temples Historical Sites History of the Church History of the Church (History of Joseph Smith) History, Significance to Latter-Day Saints Hit and Run Mormon:* Those who come upon the Ex-Mormon bulletin board, panic that they exist, bear their testimony and condemn, never to return. Hokey Pokey - What members do when they throw caution to the wind, get wild and crazy, and let it all hang out. hold holder Holiness Holy Bible Holy Garments:* White underwear worn by Mormons to keep themselves holy. The color white is symbolic, and helps the Mormon remember that they should only have sexual affairs with other married Mormons. Holy Ghost Holy Ghost:* (See also Mo-maculate Conception) Hooty Goat. Casper. Holy Poltergeist. God (TM) part III. Pyro-Ghost. Unholy Boast. Haole Ghost. Hormone Ghost. Horny Ghost. Holy Ghost:* they believe "He" is a "personage of spirit" as the third member of their Godhead. Although he is a spirit, they believe he is anthropomorphic. He is a "preincarnate man" who can only be in one place at a time not being omnipresent. Mormon Doctrine, 358-359. Mormons are confused. They distinguish between the third person of the Godhead and an impersonal force that is omnipresent. They call this impersonal force the "Light of Christ," Ibid., 446-447 "Spirit of God," Ibid., 751 and the "Holy Spirit" Ibid., 361 or "Spirit of the Lord." Ibid., 752-753 This latter article discusses their own difficulty in distinguishing between these terms in a way that makes sense. Mormons believe one day the Holy Ghost will gain a physical body. Variations of the English translations in the KJV Bible were the original source of confusion. Due to this confusion a past president of the church Joseph F. Smith wrote that the Spirit of God is like electricity emanating out from the anthropomorphic person of the Holy Ghost. Ibid., 753. The Greek New Testament is not confused using pnuemati hagio. The Hebrew Old Testament is also not confusing using ruwach qodesh. Holy Ghost* The third member of the Godhead, a personage of Spirit. Holy Heartburn:* See Burning-Bosom. Holy of Holies Holy Roller Bowl: * A BYU football game against Notre Dame, Southern Methodist University, Texas Christian University or Oral Roberts University.(Victory signals that the Lord has intervened and the Church is still true.) Holy Spirit Holy Spirit of Promise home Home Industries Home Teachers-The men in the ward are paired up and asked to visit usually three to four families each month. They are supposed to talk with the families, and give a lesson. Home teachers are supposed to provide extra support for those families, be aware of their needs and help in any way they can. Home Teachers:* Home INVASION Teachers. The Church spy network. Home Teaching Home Teaching - Visiting teaching, without the blubbering. home teaching* A Church program in which priesthood holders regularly visit assigned homes of members. homemaking One of three areas of emphasis in the Relief Society of the Church. Homo Sapien:* A biped, semi-hirsuit, terrestrial mammalian species of God. Where God fits in the Animal Kingdom. "As homo sapien is, God once was. As God is, homo sapien may become." homosexual Homosexuality honest Hong Kong China Temple Honor Code of BYU:* Boner Code...Oh Nooooo! Code. hooked-up = beginning an exclusive dating relationship; getting married Hooters Restaurant:* Newest impromptu Priesthood meeting site. "Now that's pure and delightsome!". "Yo, Brother Smith, check out that endowment." hope Hope of Israel Hormonal Convert:* A person lured to conversion to the Mormon church by the pheromones emitted by a True Believing Mormon of the opposite sex. A person who leaves the Church after the relationship is over. Hormone Ghost:* Warm feelings prompting single Mormons to propose marriage within a few weeks of meeting each other. Also known as "The Holy Gonads." Horny Ghost. Horne, Mary Isabella horse - According to the Book of Mormon, a "useful" beast living in ancient America. Note that we're talking about ancient America in approximately the year 600 B.C.E.. Note also that fossil records indicate all equid species in the Western Hemisphere died out at the end of the last Ice Age, about 10,000 years ago, and that no horses or related species existed in the New World until the sixteenth century, when Spanish explorers brought them from Europe. Then put that in your pipe and smoke it. See also curelom, cumom, elephant, ass. Horse:* Deer. Or maybe a Tapir. Hosanna Shout Hosanna Shout White Handkerchief:* Mormon Hankie Pankies. Hosea Hospitals Hot Dog - Mormon prime rib. Hot drinks: * (Word of Wisdom) Including iced tea and coffee, but not hot soup or hot chocolate. house House of Israel House of Israel Houston Texas Temple Howard W. Hunter Hugh B. Brown Hugh Nibley Hugh Nibley:* Indiana Nibley Human Tragedy Humanitarian Aid Humanitarian Center Humanitarian Center. Humanitarian Efforts Humanitarian Efforts Humanitarian Service humble Humility Humility Humor hump day - The halfway point in a mission. For an elder, this comes one year into his mission; for a sister, it comes nine months into hers. husband Husband - A brother that knows how to decorate tables. Hyde, Orson Hymn Hymn:* A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregations' range. Instant cure for insomnia. A noisy irritant to God and Jesus. A musical device prescribed by General Authorities as an aversion to masturbation, unless the hymn is "Come, Come, Ye Saints or Hold To The Rod". Hymnal Hymns and Hymnody Hymns of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1985 book) Hypocrisy - From the root word crisy meaning to be ruled by and the prefix hypo meaning a big fat ugly animal. Hyrum M. Smith Hyrum Smith Hysteria Excommuncatus:* An especial disease commonly found in General Authorities described as a cancer of the heart resulting in vindictive and vengeful behavior usually demonstrated by mass excommunications of church members in possession of free spirits.
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I AM:* "And don't you forget it! Once I have spoken that's the end of the discussion"- BKP. I know the Church is true I know this church is true :* "I haven't had a thought I could call my own in ....um....." . I'd like you to think I do. Idaho Falls Idaho Temple Idaho, Pioneer Settlements in Idaho:* Utah North. Name of Mormon rap group. idea Ignert:* Utah Mormonism for rude or obnoxious. Users of this word are oblivious to their own "ignernce" of the Queen's English. "Ignorant", a word that properly means "uninformed" or "stupid", but which those who are uninformed and stupid themselves use in a completely different sense. Illinois, LDS Communities in image Immaculate Conception immersion Immigration and Emigration immortal immortality Immortality and Eternal Life important improve Improvement - The act of becoming better. As in, the largest broom in the house is the broom for improvement. Improvement Era Improvement Era, The* An official publication of the Church, 1897-1970. In-Sin-Seer:*The state of making bold statements to lots of women about God to get them to hump you, speaking as a prophet of course. Inactive Inactive:* Someone who decided that it was about time to do something with their life. Inactivity:* The (often gradual) process of discovering the Church is a load of baloney. include Income Tax - Like tithing only instead of theocracy you get bureaucracy. increase Independence, Missouri Indian Student Placement Program:* Rent-a-Lamanite. White and Delightsome Skin Graft Draft. Indian Student Placement Services Indian student placement* The practice of bringing LDS American Indian children to live in LDS homes during the school year. Individuality Infant Baptism Infant Baptism Jesus' Baptism influence information Inside Mormon temples inspiration Inspiration Inspiration:* "I know everything you will ever need to know." inspire Inspired Version of the Bible Another name for the Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible. Institute Institute of Religion:* college and university outreaches with college level course work which are often accepted by students transferring to LDS colleges and universities. Institutes of Religion institutes of religion* Weekday religious instruction for students attending colleges, universities, and other postsecondary schools. instructions Instructor, the Intellectual History Intellectual reserve Intellectual Reserve, Inc.:* LDS Church's copyrights department. Arrogance Unlimited. Something the LDS Church wishes would happen. Where all Mormons are instructed to leave their reasoning capacity shortly before their first temple session. Intellectuals Unreserved:* See Latter Day Lampoon. Intelligence Intelligence:* A curse that only effects non-members. Should be avoided at all costs. Schools such as Ricks or BYU are available to train your mind to reject this evil affliction. Intelligences Interfaith Relationships Internal Links International Genealogical Index (IGI) International Growth International House of Handshakes:* The Mormon Temple International Magazines Internet Mormonism:* Mormonism as defined by the Apologists (as opposed to the prophets). The brand of Mormonism which believes in a limited geography and a local flood. "It was only his opinion" is the golden rule of Internet Mormonism. Internet:* Pre 2002 - God's tool to assist in spreading the Gospel. Post 2002 - Satan's Playground (Make sure you use an LDS ISP). Interstate 15 (Provo to Salt Lake):* The Celestial Highway Interstate 70 (Kansas west to "OZ"):* The Jello-Brick Road" interview Interviews investigate investigating investigator Investigator investigator - A prospective member of the L.D.S. Church, usually one who is being actively taught the discussions by the missionaries. investigator (missionary term) A person who is interested in the Church and is receiving missionary instruction. Investigator:* Anywhere else a person is usually sent to find fraud. In the LDS Church, someone who is to be defrauded Investigators invite Iowa, LDS Communities in Iron Rod iron rod An image from Lehi's dream in the Book of Mormon, meaning "the word of God"-suggesting straitness and security. Isaiah Ishmael Ishmaelites Israel Israel:* Utah - A state set up by Yiddish Gentiles. Israel* (1) Members of the Church; (2) the Old Testament patriarch Jacob and his descendants. Israelite Israelites
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J. Golden Kimball J. Golden:* Hot chocolate mixed with coffee. J. Reuben Clark J. Willard Marriott Jack Mormon - Once a term which referred to a non-member friendly toward the Church. Now refers to a Mormon who does not practice Church teachings and does not bother to conceal the fact, as by publicly smoking and drinking, or by having too much fun on a Sunday. Jack Rabbit Mormon:* Scientists have discovered that the happiest Mormons are those who live in utter poverty. They pay the least in tithing, can't afford BYU, missions, garmies (no panty line), crafts kits, lime Jello, clothes in general, and use no birth control, BUT do have the most spirit babies and are constantly fasting. They just don't get invited to many Mormon gatherings so they save lots of money on wedding gifts. They also have sex more often and enjoy it more. They are known as the "Jack-Rabbit Mormons". Jackson County Jackson County, Missouri Jackson County:* Location where Joseph Smith prophesied that a certain reverend named, Jessie would establish a New Jerusalem. Named in honor of one of the few sons of Ham to become white and delightsome. Jackson Five:* Jehovah's Osmonds. Jacob Jacob Whitmer Jacob, Son of Lehi Jacobites Jacom James E. Faust James E. Faust:* James E. Faustus. James E. Fist. James E. Feisty. James E. Talmage James the Apostle James, Epistle of Jared Jared, son of Omer Jared:* The brother of Jared's brother. Jaredite:* Generally taken to be Olmec (FARMS). One who "barges in" making a nuisance. Jaredites Jarom Jasher Jay Dub - Mission slang for a Jehovah's Witness. So derived from a shortening of the initials J.W. Jeff Flake Jeffrey R. Holland Jeffrey R. Holland:* Jewery R. Holyland. Jewelry R. Haul'n. Jeffrey R. Hohumm. Jehovah Jehovah, Jesus Christ Jehovah's Witnesses:* Like Mormons, but without the weirder bits. Jehovah* Another name for Jesus Christ, particularly in the Old Testament. Jell-O Belt : * Area of land from Rexburg, Idaho to Snowflake, Arizona (see Zion Curtain). Jell-O:* The mortar that holds the wardhouses together. Few will touch it. Jello - For some strange reason, LDS people consider this a vegetable. Jellophobia:* Fear of Green Jell-O. Jeneum Jeremiah Jeremiah, Prophecies of Jerusalem Jesse Knight Jesus Jesus Christ Jesus Christ ~ Jehovah:* "Every person who was ever born on earth was our spirit brother or sister in heaven. The first spirit born to our heavenly parents was Jesus Christ...so he is literally our elder brother.... We needed a Savior to pay for our sins and teach us how to return to our Heavenly Father. Our Father said, "Whom shall I send?" ... Two of our brothers offered to help. Our oldest brother, Jesus Christ, who was then called Jehovah, said "Here am I, send me".... Satan, who was called Lucifer, also came, saying, "Behold, here am I, send me." ... After hearing both sons speak, Heavenly Father said, "I will send the first." ... Because our Heavenly Father chose Jesus Christ to be our Savior, Satan became angry and rebelled." Gospel Principles, 11, 17, 18. The Mormon Jesus is also said to have ministered in the Precolumbian Americas according to the Book of Mormon. Jesus Christ in the Scriptures Jesus Christ, Fatherhood and Sonship of Jesus Christ, Names and Titles of Jesus Christ, Second Comforter Jesus Christ, Sources for Words of Jesus Christ, Taking the Name of, upon Oneself Jesus Christ, Types and Shadows of Jesus Christ:* Kryst Jeezus. Team mascot. Trouble-making Jew banned from BYU campus until he gets a haircut and a shave as well as agreeing not to make any more wine out of anything. Rumored to have the ability to walk across Utah Lake, but this is unconfirmed. Our oldest (spiritual) Brother. Historical personage in the Book of Mormon, occasionally to be heard talked bout in missionary talks to members of other churches. Yeshua Ha-Notzri/Ben Yosuf (fl. 1 century AD), native of Palestine, Rabbi who refused to follow his leaders and established rules and promoted love, peace and tolerance, while wearing his hair long and turning water into an alcoholic beverage. Jesus the Christ - Chapter I Jesus the Christ - Chapter II Jesus the Christ - Chapter III Jesus the Christ - Chapter IV Jesus' Baptism Jet - A means of travel seldom used by Mormons except to go to the mission field, mainly because, unlike donuts, airline tickets are not cheaper by the dozen. Jew:* A white Indian. Jews Jim Matheson Job Joe-fuddle:* see also Dunnify): To make up stories or even slightly modify them to sound more faith-promoting, even though the actual truth is not faith promoting. Joebauchery:* Partaking in generally lewd and disgusting activities such as sleeping with 14 year old girls (see also: Joelestation) and lots of married women. Joel Joelestation:* Forcing oneself on a 14 year old girl using the excuse an angel with a flaming sword commanded you to do such. Johannesburg South Africa Temple John A. Widtsoe John Buck John Doolittle John E. Page John F. Boynton John Henry Smith John Taylor John the Baptist John the Beloved John W. Taylor John Whitmer John, Revelations of Johnny Mormon:* Gentile term meaning a typical Mormon. The male version of Molly Mormon cf similar forms like John Doe, Johnny Reb, etc. join Joining the Church joint, the - Underworld slang for "prison" (as opposed to simply "joint," which denotes a marijuana cigarette); e.g., "Got a joint, Gene?" "C'mon, Richard, where would I get any grass here in the joint?" (C'mon, you must have known this already.) Jon Huntsman, Jr. Jon M. Huntsman, Jr. Jon M. Huntsman, Sr. Jonah Jonah:* The Original "JAWS" story. Pukey prophet. Mr. Lomu black and delightsome New Zealand rugby superstar. Jordan River Utah Temple Joseph Joseph B. Wirthlin Joseph B. Wirthlin:* Joseph B. Smurf'n. Joe B. Worthmore. UFO B. Earthlink. Joseph F. Merrill Joseph F. Smith Joseph Fielding Smith Joseph Leland Heywood Joseph of Egypt Joseph Smith Joseph Smith - a True Superman Joseph Smith Jr. Joseph Smith Memorial Building Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible (JST) Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible (JST)* The translation of the Bible by Joseph Smith, begun in 1830, which resulted in his receiving many doctrinal revelations. Joseph Smith-History Joseph Smith-Matthew Joseph Smith, Jr. Joseph Smith, Jr.:* Grove Boy. Liar building for a better tomorrow. Prophet, seer and fornicator. Pronounced "Joseph's Myth". Joseph Smith, Sr. Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration Joseph Wakefield Joseph, son of Jacob Joseph, son of Lehi Joseph, the Seer Joseph, the Seer (Elder Neal A. Maxwell) Josephite:* A follower of Joseph Smith III, the son of Joseph Smith Jr. They formed a larger group than the Brighamites originally, and did not head to Utah. They became the RLDS, now known as the Community of Christ. Josephites Josephobia:* Fear of Joseph Smith. Josephsmithanity:* The devout Mormon concept of Christianity. Rock star like infatuation with Joseph Smith. Josh Joshua Journal Journal of Discourses Journal of Discourses* A collection of sermons by LDS leaders, 1854-1886 (26 volumes); it is not an official source for Church doctrine. Journals Joy judge Judges judgment Judgment Day, Final Julie B. Beck Julie B. Beck Julie Bangerter Beck July 24th:* "Merry Brighamous". The day one finally finishes the task of going through Joseph Smith's criminal record as a New Year's resolution. June 27 just justice Justice and Mercy Justice:* When your twelve children have kids of their own. Justification Juvenile Instructor
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keep Keeping a Journal Keeping the Sabbath Keith B. McMullin Kevin B. Rollins key Keys of the Priesthood keys of the priesthood* The right to exercise or direct authority, perform ordinances, or to preside over a priesthood function, quorum, or Church organization. Keys to Abbreviations keystone Kib Kib, son of Orihah kicker - Washington Spokane Mission slang for a lazy missionary who habitually breaks the rules. This may be derived from the New Testament passage in which the Lord appears to Saul on the road to Damascus and says, "I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks" (Acts 9:5). Then again, perhaps it's derived from the simple phrase "to kick back," meaning "to relax." Beats me. See also bucket. Kiev Ukraine Temple kill Kilo-Brigamoron (KBm) : * A fundamental unit of embarrassment such as in your typical "I went to school but forgot pants" nightmare registers over 37 KBm on a properly-calibrated Brigamorotron". Readings of over 40 KBm are common among those faithful open enough to study the sexual antics of Joseph Smith with 14 year old girls and married women. Kim Kimball, Heber C. Kimball, Sarah Granger Kimball, Spencer W. Kimnor kind Kindergarten plates:* Set of ancient writings the toddler Joseph Smith dug up to help him read and write. Kinderhook plates Kinderhook Plates : * "Gotcha". Kinderhook, line and sinker. Joseph Smith's reality check. kindness King Benjamin King David King Dumcome:* King Lamoni's brother mentioned in the lost 116 pages. King Follett Discourse King James Bible:* Source text for the Book of Mormon. King James Version King Mosiah I King Mosiah II King Noah kingdom Kingdom of God kingdom of God* (1) God's dominion; (2) the Church; (3) the political government of God. Kirtland Kirtland Economy Kirtland Temple Kirtland, Ohio Kish Kitten Murder:* A compassionate Godís retribution upon innocent animals each time a male fires up his ìLittle Factory.î KKK:*Kolob Keystone Kops, the comical spiritual police affiliated with by FARMS. FAIR and General Authorities. Klub Kolob:* The Quorum of the Twelve, The Church Office Building. kneel know knowledge Koko-mo:* The only known Beach Boys groupie to be baptized in Montego Bay and confirmed in Key Largo. Kolob Kolob - According to Mormon mythology, the star about which orbits the planet on which God lives. I'm really trying to type this one with a straight face. Kolob Cream Pie: * One bite and your mouth will feel like it's been kissed by a goddess. This dessert is so righteous and beloved that it's true recipe has never been revealed. KOLOB:* Kirton Official Law Office Building. Where Peter Pan would've ended up if he'd have taken the first star on the LEFT. Kolobered:* Result of a surprise and unwanted visit from Mormon missionaries, home or visiting teachers or the bishop. KOLOBoration:* The intertwined cult and business interests of Mormonism. Example: "If the membership are faithful and pay their tithing, the Koloboration of the Lard will move forward". kolobotomy:* A spiritual procedure which removes the truth detection section of the cerebrum. Kona Hawaii Temple Korihor Kosher:* The word of shmizdom, oi! KSL Radio
