Mormon Terms:Potential Terms
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These are suggested words for inclusion in Mormon Terms. Just because the word is on this list does NOT NECESSARILY mean that it should be included! Please review our inclusion criteria if you have any doubt!!
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A
a.p. - See assistant to the president.
Aaronic Priesthood - The lower order of priesthood authority in the L.D.S. Church, encompassing the offices of deacon, teacher, and priest. Young males are usually ordained deacons at the age of twelve. Named for Aaron, the brother of Moses -- not for baseball great Hank Aaron, as is widely believed. All "worthy" young Mormon boys are "ordained" to this priesthood beginning as young as age twelve. There are three "offices" within this priesthood: deacons, teachers, and priests. The lesser priesthood of the Church, consisting of the offices of deacon, teacher, priest, and bishop. Holders of this priesthood attend to temporal affairs of the Church (cf. Melchizedek Priesthood).
active in the Church Refers to regular attendance at meetings, observance of the principles of the gospel, and acceptance of Church callings.
Adam-ondi-Ahman The place (in what is now Daviess County, Missouri) where Adam gathered and blessed his posterity before his death; a locale where a future priesthood meeting will be held just previous to Christ's second coming.
Adam The first man. Latter-day Saints view him as one of the greatest and noblest of all men.
Adamic language A perfect spoken and written language given by God to Adam. added upon A phrase indicating that the faithful receive additional blessings in the life to follow. Those who were faithful in premortal life had blessings "added upon" them in mortality. Those who are faithful in this life will have "glory added upon their heads for ever and ever" (Abr. 3:26). administer To perform an ordinance, such as anointing the sick with oil or saying the set prayers to bless the bread and water of the sacrament.
age of accountability The age at which a child becomes personally responsible for motives, attitudes, desires, and actions. Designated by revelation to begin at eight years of age (D&C 68:25).
agency (often called free agency) The granted right to choose good or evil, and the responsibility for the choices made.
Ancestral File(TM) A computerized system of genealogical information that links names of individuals into pedigrees, showing their ancestors and descendants.
Ancient of Days A term used in Daniel 7:9, identified by revelation to Joseph Smith as Adam.
angel, fallen Specifically, the devil.* Generally, all who followed the devil in the premortal existence.
angels Literally, messengers; usually referring to messengers from God.
anointing(s) The placing of a drop or two of consecrated olive oil on a person's head as part of a special blessing, under the direction of the Melchizedek Priesthood.
Anti-Mormon Critic non-Mormon scientist, writer, historian, whose work undermines LDS doctrine.
AP - See assistant to the president.
ape - See assistant to the president.
apostate - One who has repudiated Mormonism for whatever reason and in whatever fashion, whether or not his or her name remains on the church's rolls. The commonly repeatedly Mormon party line would have it that these are the most unhappy people on the face of the earth, but reasonable humans are likely to perceive this attitude as sour grapes.
apostle - The second highest office in the Melchizedek Priesthood, and a special witness of Jesus Christ. Common Mormon belief holds that apostles know the resurrected Christ personally. Apostles are considered "prophets, seers and revelators," though only the ordained president of the Church holds all the keys necessary for administering the Kingdom of God on earth. See also Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the. An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood; usually a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
apostolic Church The Church presided over by the Twelve Apostles following the resurrection and ascension of Jesus Christ.
archives A general description for the record-keeping facilities of the Church in Salt Lake City. The archives hold a wide variety of records, including Church membership information, historical accounts, and the largest collection of genealogical data in the world.
area - The usually relatively small geographical region to which two missionaries are assigned
area A geographical ecclesiastical unit of the Church consisting of several regions and presided over by a president, who is a General Authority.
Articles of Faith Thirteen concise statements of LDS belief written by Joseph Smith in the Wentworth Letter.
assistant to the president - One of two missionaries who, by virtue of superior dedication, spirituality, and brown-nosing, are privileged to push paper in the mission office rather than pound pavement.
Assistants to the Twelve Persons who at one time in the Church were specifically called to be General Authorities to assist the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
Authority believe this was restored to Joseph Smith by having key Bible leaders appearing and ordaining Smith. Anyone ordained in the church receives a card tracing his priesthood back to Joseph Smith. Duly conferred priesthood power or delegated responsibility associated with position or function.
Auxiliary Organizations The Primary (children), Relief Society (adult women), Sunday School, and Young Men and Young Women organizations of the Church. Auxiliary organizations exist primarily to assist the priesthood government of the Church.
B
b.o.m. - Book of Mormon.
Babylon A term symbolic of worldliness.
Baptism of Fire and the Holy Ghost
Baptism:* "Baptism by immersion under the hands of a legal administrator, one empowered to bind on earth and seal in heaven, is the initiatory ordinance into the Church on earth and the celestial kingdom in the world to come (D. & C. 20:68-74; 2 Ne. 9:23-24). Baptism is the formally appointed means and ordinance which the Lord has provided so that man can signify his personal acceptance of all of the terms and conditions of the eternal gospel covenant. Thus in baptism, which as part of the gospel is itself a new and an everlasting covenant (D. & C. 22), man covenants to abide by all of the laws and requirements of the whole gospel."
Barge:* Jaredite
Barrow pit: * Something found only in Utah--a ditch alongside the road.
bear - In Mormon parlance, a verb invariably used with the word "testimony" to refer to the process of relating one's personal conviction of the truthfulness of certain religious precepts. This curious usage of the word is probably derived from the phrase "to bear witness." See also fast-and-testimony meeting, testimony meeting.
bear the priesthood To possess or hold duly conferred priesthood authority.
bear testimony To express one's personal convictions of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Beehive - 1) An LDS symbol of industry. 2) Young women's class.
Beehive Symbol* A logo representing industry and harmony, appearing frequently on objects associated with the LDS Church and Utah.
best two years of my life, the - A phrase sometimes employed by returned missionaries to describe their mission experience.
beyond the veil A metaphorical expression for the spirit world or for life after death.
BIC:* Born in the Covenant
bind on earth, bind in heaven Through the priesthood sealing power, to make an ordinance performed on earth valid throughout eternity.
Bishop:* heads a ward [300 to 500 members] who is also ordained a High Priest in their Melchizedek priesthood. They are largely unpaid and perform marriages and funerals and conduct services.
bishop's court A term used until recent years to indicate a disciplinary council conducted by a
Bishopric - In the L.D.S. ecclesiastical hierarchy, the presiding body of a ward, consisting of a bishop and his two counselors. See also first counselor.
blessing - This term can be used generically to refer to most any prayer, particularly prayers before meals, meetings, activities, etc. The term is often used specifically, however, to refer to an ordinance of the priesthood whereby hands are laid on a supplicant's head and a pronouncement of health, comfort, counsel, or christening is made. Though the syntactical structure of the blessing is similar to that of a regular prayer, the words are directed to the recipient rather than to God, often with instructions such as "be healed" or "live worthily" or "remember that your Father in Heaven is mindful of you." The giver of a blessing of this sort must be a worthy priesthood holder, and he is directed to keep his mind open and not speak his own thoughts or wishes, but rather to listen for the promptings of the Holy Ghost in knowing what instructions and/or promises to pass along to the recipient. When giving a blessing, the spokesman may be assisted by one or more other priesthood holders, who stand shoulder to shoulder and also place hands on the recipient's head.
Blood Atonement Some Mormons historically believed that some sins are so serious that they are outside of the blood of Christ. They believed it would be in the best interest of the offending person to have their own blood shed so they can have a hope that they will eventually be released from hell into the lowest kingdom in their afterlife. Some underground militia like fundamentalists feel they would be doing certain apostates a favor by shedding their blood.
BMW:* Big Mormon Wagon.
board (general, auxiliary) A small group of Church members called to help leaders of Church auxiliary organizations, such as Relief Society or Sunday School, at both the stake and the general Church administrative levels.
BOM:* Book of Mormon.
Book of Abraham* Writings of Abraham, revealed to Joseph Smith. The Book of Abraham is one of the books in the Pearl of Great Price.
Book of Commandments* The earliest published collection of revelations to Joseph Smith; a predecessor to the Doctrine and Covenants.
Book of Mormon - A collection of writings ascribed to various prophets who lived in undetermined regions of the American continents between 600 B.C. and A.D. 421. Another testament of Jesus Christ, and the keystone of the L.D.S. faith. The Book of Mormon tells the story of the prophet Lehi, who fled Jerusalem with his family after having been warned in a dream of the city's impending destruction by the Babylonians. They built a ship and sailed to America, where his son Nephi, also a prophet, began to keep a record of their proceedings on engraved metal plates. Subsequent prophets and kings continued this practice. Nearly a thousand years later, a prophet named Mormon abridged the records kept by his predecessors onto engraved plates of gold. These he gave into the keeping of his son Moroni -- you guessed it, another prophet -- who added a few chapters and then buried the record in a hill in what would later become the state of New York. In the early 1800s, a resurrected Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith, Jr., and led him to the site where the record was buried. Young Smith, aided by the Urim and Thummim, translated the engravings from the Reformed Egyptian into an English reminiscent of King James and soon thereafter published the work as the Book of Mormon -- so named in honor of its prime abridger. An account of ancient inhabitants of the Western Hemisphere, recorded on gold plates and translated by Joseph Smith. The record contains both a history of the people and the fulness of the everlasting gospel as revealed by the Savior to the ancient inhabitants.
Book of Moses* A record from the creation of the world and mankind to the flood at Noah's time, revealed to Joseph Smith while he was translating the Bible. Selections from the Book of Moses are now part of the Pearl of Great Price.
Book of Remembrance (1) A record begun by Adam and his immediate posterity; (2) a personal book containing genealogy and significant family history.
Born in the Covenant All children born to a couple after they have been married (sealed) in a temple.
Brass Plates - A record spoken of in the Book of Mormon, which was similar to the Old Testament, written on plates of brass, containing many writings of the prophets (1 Ne. 5:10-16); brought by Lehi and his family to the Western Hemisphere.
Brethren - (1) All male members of the Church; (2) "The Brethren," a designation of the General Authorities of the Church.
Brigham Tea or Brigham Weed:* See Mormon tea [DAW].
Brigham Young Cocktail:* [DAW] Moonshine, especially firewater or Indian whiskey.
Brighamite:* A follower of Brigham Young in the schism following Joseph Smith's death.
bucket - Calgary Canada Mission slang for a lazy missionary who habitually breaks the rules. Derivation uncertain. See also kicker.
buckfart - A flakism roughly equivalent to such words as "joker," "clown," "scumbag," and "stoopnagle."
burning in the bosom A metaphorical description of the feeling that sometimes attends the enveloping Spirit of the Lord, particularly when one understands God's words through the influence of the Holy Ghost (Luke 24:32; D&C 9:3-8).
BYD-This term stands for Bishop Youth Discussion. This is usually a Sunday evening meeting that youth 12 to 18 are asked to attend. At the meeting the Bishop gives a lesson on a specific topic, then the youth are able to ask him questions at the end.
BYU Motto:* Enter to serve, go forth to learn. The campus is our world.
C
Call - To offer a Church job to someone, through inspiration from God; e.g., "Brother Gilmore, the Lord has seen fit to call you to the position of Young Men's President." Derived from the Biblical passage Matthew 20:16: "For many be called, but few chosen." Also, the official notice of having been called. See also calling, mission call.
Calling* Invitation to accept an office or assignment; offices or assignments themselves. Any position of responsibility within the Mormon Church, from nursery attendant right up to prophet. Holders of such positions are said to have been "called" by God -- by inspiration through the duly constituted member of the bureaucratic chain. Missionaries receive their callings directly from the President of the Church, who purportedly receives revelation as to where in the world each one should be sent.
Canonize - To remove knowledge from member awareness by placing it in scriptures.
Celestial Kingdom* The highest of three degrees of glory in the kingdom of heaven.
center place of Zion The "center place," Independence, Missouri, the future site of the City of Zion (the New Jerusalem) and the temple (D&C 57:3); sometimes incorrectly called "center stake."
Chapel: * is the building the branch or ward meets in every week. The room or hall in a Church meetinghouse used for worship services.
Child of God The Latter-day Saint belief that all persons are spirit children of God in the premortal existence and that this parent-child relationship continues on this earth and through eternity.
chosen people Specifically those selected by God for special responsibilities, often requiring service and sacrifice; participants in the covenant of the gospel.
Church of the Firstborn* Those who are exalted or assured of receiving exaltation.
Cohab:* See Polyg.
collection of fast offerings The collection of voluntary offerings on fast day, usually the first Sunday of each month.
Comforter* The scriptures speak of two Comforters. The First Comforter is the Holy Ghost. The Second Comforter is Jesus Christ (John 14:1623; see also TPJS, pp. 150-51).
Commandments, The
Common consent* The principle whereby Church members vote to sustain and approve those called to serve in the Church and decisions made by leaders.
common judge The bishop of each ward, who has the responsibility to judge the spiritual and temporal condition of members of his ward. The stake president of each stake serves as a common judge for all members of his stake.
Companion - A missionary's assigned partner. Often shortened to comp. See also companionship.
companion, missionary A missionary's partner. Missionaries in the Church always work in pairs.
companionship - A unit consisting of two partnered missionaries who spend all their time together and are assigned to proselyte in a specific area. See also companion.
Compassionate Service* Aid or comfort rendered to others, in particular by members of the Relief Society.
Conference Reports* The published proceedings of the general conferences of the Church.
Conference:* Where one goes twice a year to hear "Mo"-tivational speakers.
confirmation* The bestowal of the gift of the Holy Ghost to newly baptized members by holders of the Melchizedek Priesthood; also official recognition of Church membership.
Consecration, law of* A divine principle whereby men and women voluntarily dedicate their time, talents, and material wealth to the establishment and building up of God's kingdom.
Convert (noun) A person who has chosen to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by being baptized and confirmed.
correlation meeting - Any of a broad spectrum of regularly scheduled meetings where Mormons in positions of responsibility get together to compare notes, swap gossip, and step on each other's toes as much a possible where their duties overlap.
correlation* A process by which all programs of the Church are identified and placed in proper relationship to each other: teachings, organizations, programs, meetings, and instructional materials.
Council in Heaven* The meeting in the premortal life of the Godhead and spirits designated for this earth, in which the plan of salvation was presented.
Council of the Twelve, the - See Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the.
Counselor: A person called to serve as an adviser, assistant, and occasional substitute for an officer or leader in the Church.
court (Church)* A term formerly used to mean a Church disciplinary council.
Covenant Israel, Latter-Day
crickets (Mormon) A type of cricket that threatened the crops of early Mormon pioneers. The crops were saved when large flocks of seagulls came and devoured the crickets.
CTR-This stands for Choose The Right, and is often seen on rings that members wear as reminders.
Cultural Hall - A very large space in the exact center most Mormon meetinghouses, suitable for stage plays, banquets, Scout ceremonies, blood drives, wedding receptions, and so forth -- though most often used for basketball games.
cumom - According to the Book of Mormon, a "more especially useful" beast living in ancient America. See note for "curelom." See also elephant, horse, ass.
Cumorah* (1) A hill in which the Book of Mormon prophet Mormon concealed sacred records before the annihilation of his people; (2) the hill in New York State, near the town of Palmyra, where Joseph Smith unearthed the gold plates from which he translated the Book of Mormon.
curelom - According to the Book of Mormon, a "more especially useful" beast living, along with cumoms and elephants, in ancient America. No one knows for certain what a curelom or cumom looked like, but apologists have speculated that they may have been mammoths or mastodons, and that Joseph Smith knew no English word to use as translations from the Reformed Egyptian.
D
D - Slang for "discussion"; e.g., "How many D's did you teach this week, Elders?" See also discussions, the.
d.a. - See dinner appointment.
D&C - See Doctrine and Covenants.
damnation* (1) The opposite of salvation; (2) to be stopped in one's spiritual progress; (3) the suffering of various degrees of penalty at the final judgment by those who have not accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ and repented of their sins.
DAMU:* Disaffected Mormon Underground.
Danites* A small and briefly organized band of Mormon militia men in 1838 who became the source for anti-Mormon legends.
Darkness:* The total lack of any light for three days, where even the sun could not light up the clouds during the day, and no one could light a fire with dry wood for three days. Mormons easily accept this claim in Third Nephi, Chapter 8 without any question or doubt whatsoever, and that has to be real "spiritual darkness!"
Daughters of the Whore:* LDS scriptural name for Protestant churches, the whore being the Roman Catholic Church.
Deacon:* Worthy boys age 12 to 14 are "ordained" into the Aaronic priesthood of which the office of deacon is the first held. Deacons pass the sacrament in LDS church services.
Dear Jane - A gender-reversed "Dear John" letter.
Dear John - A letter to a missionary from his significant other, informing him that she has failed to successfully wait. Often accompanied by a wedding announcement linking the significant other with one of the missionary's former companions. See also "Dear Jane."
Degrees of Glory* The celestial, terrestrial, and telestial kingdoms in heaven.
denying the Holy Ghost d (1) In general terms, rejecting a spiritual witness given by the Holy Ghost; (2) another term for blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which is an unpardonable sin.
Deseret* A Book of Mormon word meaning "honey bee," often used in titles of LDS institutions or by businesses in areas with concentrated LDS populations. A territory marked out by Brigham Young and his followers, originally comprising all of Utah, most of Nevada & Arizona, and parts of the states of California, Idaho, New Mexico, Oregon and Wyoming. The word comes from the BoM where it is glossed as "Bee".
Desert Tea:* See Mormon Tea [DAW].
die - In mission parlance, to be released from one's mission and return home; e.g., "I hope I die here in Babylonville, Elder. I'd hate to have to adjust to a whole new area before going home." Derived by analogy with the process in Mormon theology whereby spirits leave their premortal existence, are born physically and die on earth, then return to the spirit realm to await resurrection and judgment.
dinner appointment - An occasion when a member family invites the local missionaries over for dinner. The Church encourages this activity because a) it gives the missionaries a chance to remind the members that they should be introducing non-members of their acquaintance to the Restored Gospel, and b) it assures the missionaries of nutritious hot meals on occasion.
Disciplinary Procedures* The process of bringing a Church member before a priesthood officer or disciplinary council to account for alleged transgressions against Church standards and to take necessary steps toward repentance.
discussion - A lesson taught by missionaries to an investigator. So named, I believe, so as to minimize in investigators the feeling of being taught a rote catechetical sermon by inviting dialogue and greater back-and-forth participation. The current curriculum for prospective members includes six discussions, each about an hour in length, which cover the very most basic tenets of the Restored Gospel. Each discussion consists of several principles, which the missionaries are free to put across in their own words, adapting to the necessities of the situation. Companions usually take turns teaching principles. Most discussions end with an invitation to baptism. Most invitations to baptism end with a shake of the head. See also discussions, the.
discussions, the - A term applied broadly to the set of six missionary discussions, or to the process of teaching them to an investigator. A structured lesson on basic gospel principles presented to interested nonmembers.
disfellowshipment* A disciplinary action against a Church member that severely restricts participation in Church activity but falls short of excommunication.
Dispensation of the Fulness of Times
Dispensation A period of time in which priesthood authority and keys are established among mankind. The present dispensation, the last before the second coming of Christ, is called the "fulness of times."
Distribution Center* Centrally located outlets from which Church publications and other supplies are distributed.
district activity - A recreational activity designed to strengthen bonds of friendship, community, and purpose between the members of a district. Also, an excuse for goofing around. Contrast district meeting. See also zone activity.
District Leader - A missionary assigned to supervise usually two to four companionships, encompassing from four to eight other missionaries. Often shortened to d.l. See also zone leader.
district meeting - A weekly meeting at which the members of a district convene to report on their achievements of the past week, set performance goals for the next week, practice their teaching skills, and decide on someplace cool to go for lunch. Also, an excuse for goofing around. Contrast district activity.
District* (1) An ecclesiastical unit consisting of several branches of the Church in a geographic area where stakes are not organized; (2) a unit of organization in missions, consisting of missionaries and presided over by an experienced missionary called the district leader. A geographical area consisting usually of two to four companionships, encompassing from four to eight missionaries and supervised by a district leader. See also zone.
Doctrine and Covenants:* A volume of Latter-day Saint scripture containing selected revelations given to Joseph Smith and his successors in the presidency of the Church. A collection of revelations received primarily by Joseph Smith, though other latter-day prophets are also represented. One of the four canonized works of Mormon scripture. Often shortened to D & C
double-digit midget - Mission slang for a missionary with less than a hundred days of service remaining.
Dugout:* [DAW] Type of early Mormon log cabin.
dunk - Mission parlance for baptism. Can be used as either a noun or a verb; e.g., "How many dunks have you scored this month, Elder? Are you going to dunk anyone else before the month is over?" So derived because Mormons baptize by total immersion.
E
Early Morning Seminary LDS religion courses for high school students offered before the normal school day begins.
Efy.
elder brother A name or title of Jesus Christ, the firstborn of all Heavenly Father's spirit children.
Elders Quorum A group consisting of men holding the office of Elder in the Melchizedek Priesthood. An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood; a title designating a holder of this priesthood, a General Authority, or a male missionary.
Elohim* God the Father.
Empty Sea - A slang reference to the M.T.C.
Endowment* Ordinances of instruction and covenant performed by and for individuals in temples.
Enduring to the End* The doctrine that converted individuals must continue to show their faith through good works till the end of mortal life.
Ensign* (1) Since 1971, the official monthly periodical published by the Church. (2) a standard or flag.
Ephraim* The son of Joseph who was sold into Egypt, and heir to the birthright. The patriarchal blessings of many Latter-day Saints declare them to be of the lineage of Ephraim.
Eternal investigator - An investigator who takes the discussions repeatedly, often for years, without ever joining the Church. Sometimes, though not always, this is because the investigator simply enjoys the company of missionaries. Missionaries are counseled to limit the amount of time they spend with eternal investigators and to focus on more immediate prospects. (But eternal investigators are usually so much more interesting than the other kind!)
Eternal life* Exaltation in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom; often spoken of as "eternal lives."
Eternal Progression: Endless increase in glory and dominion.
eternity A synonym for "endless" as contrasted to things of mortality.
evangelist* The office of patriarch in the Melchizedek Priesthood.
even = as in ...thy Son, even the Lord Jesus Christ (Hinckley genitive)
exaltation* Attainment of the highest degree of glory in the celestial kingdom.
Excommunication A disciplinary action against a Church member in which membership is withdrawn.
Ex-Mormon or Exmormon:* Apostates-R-Us. Perdition Mission. The Church of the Latter-Day-Down-to-Earth People. Hellots.
F
Faith promoting rumor:* Something that didn't happen or isn't true that we pretend did happen or is true, because it makes us feel good. Mormon urban legend.
Fall, The
Families Can Be Together Forever
Family History - Activity in the LDS Church that involves tracing one's lineage and composing ancestral histories.
Family History Library* The Church's repository of genealogical and historical data, the largest of its kind in the world, with branch libraries in more than 1,400 stake centers.
Family Home Evening:* FHE. A program in which families gather (usually on Monday evening) for family-centered spiritual training and social activities.
Family Registry(TM) A service provided by the Family History Department of the Church to help people who are doing research on the same family lines to cooperate and share results.
FamilySearch An automated computer system designed to simplify the task of family history research.
farewell - See mission farewell.
Fast - To go without food for a specific purpose. In L.D.S. circles, this means skipping usually one or two meals in an act of discipline designed to tame the bodily appetites and bring a person more in tune with spiritual things. Fasting is normally coupled with prayer, and very often people fast when they are in need of a special sort of help from God, as a way to make their prayers more effective. It may also facilitate the sort of kinesthetic hallucinations which many people interpret as spiritual visitations. See also fast-and-testimony meeting, fast offering, Fast Sunday.
Fast Offering* Donation of at least the value of meals not eaten on fast Sunday, given to the bishop for the relief of the needy. - In L.D.S. culture, a necessary accompaniment to fasting in which the faster donates to the Church an amount of money equal to or greater than the cost of the skipped meals. The money is earmarked directly for assistance to the poor (not a bad idea, actually). Think of it as "guilt money." On Fast Sundays, deacons are sent from house to house to troll for fast offerings from inactive members.
Fast Sunday - In the L.D.S. Church, the one Sunday set aside per month when all members who are physcially able to fast are expected to do so. See also fast-and-testimony meeting, fast offering. - Usually the first Sunday of each month, on which Church members refrain from food or drink for two meals and donate the equivalent cost to the Church to assist the poor and needy. The sacrament meeting on each fast Sunday, called fast and testimony meeting, is devoted to the voluntary bearing of testimony by members.
fast-and-testimony meeting - A testimony meeting held on Fast Sundays in place of the normal sacrament meeting, where the time normally given over to sermons is devoted to allowing volunteers from the congregation to bear their testimonies. Suffering hungry through a fast-and-testimony meeting is one of the most agonizing ordeals that Mormons are required to undergo.
Fellowshipping Members* The activity of encouraging established Church members to help new or inactive members to participate in Church practices.
Fetch:* Mormon exclamation meaning to "mess up". Slang for the s word. See also: Flip. A word used by Mormon missionaries the world over as an all-purpose substitute for the s word. Synonymous with "flip."
field - See mission field.
filling the canteen = a boy trying to kiss as many girls as he can before he leaves for his mission
Firesides* Informal gatherings of Church members and friends, often in homes and usually on Sundays, that feature a speaker or program of a spiritual theme. Occasionally Churchwide firesides are held under the direction of the First Presidency. An evening Church service in which a touchie-feelie speaker addresses a group of Latter-day Saints on a gospel-related topic. The earliest firesides were held in people's homes -- thus the name -- and while some still are, the term has broadened to include any evening address, whether it be in a family room or in a chapel or via satellite from Salt Lake City.
First Contact:* The first meeting when the missionaries meet their investigator.
First Counselor - In the Mormon ecclesiastical hierarchy, the first of usually two assistants called to aid a bishop, a stake president, etc., in the administration of his assigned jurisdiction, i.e., ward, stake, and so forth. See also bishopric, First Presidency, stake presidency.
First Ministry of Jesus Christ:* Jesus having taken a physical body, and come to earth to establish the kingdom of God, was apparently incompetent and lacking in inspiration, for He made numerous mistakes and ultimately failed to impact humanity and complete His Mission - in fact creating such a mess with that Great Abominable Church, it seems like we would have all been better off had Jesus just stayed home and really gotten serious about carpentry. As it turns out, Peter was not the Rock upon He would build his church, but rather Peter was to return like Ben Kenobi bestow upon Luke Skywalker the Jedi Priesthood. In fact it seems Jesus was set up by His Father In Heaven for complete failure, just so that Joseph Smith could come down here and clean up all that mess Jesus had started... Leave it to Jesus, right?
First Presidency of the Church
First Presidency, the - The supreme governing body of the L.D.S. Church, consisting of a president (or prophet) and an unspecified number of counselors, usually two.
First Presidency* The President of the Church and his counselors; the highest ranking quorum in the Church.
first principles and ordinances of the gospel* Faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism by immersion in water for the remission of sins, and the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
First Principles of the Gospel
First Quorum of the Seventy, the - A governing body of the L.D.S. Church subordinate only to the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
First Vision* The initial appearance of God the Father and Jesus Christ to Joseph Smith in the spring of 1820 near Palmyra, New York, marking the beginning of the restoration of the gospel.
Flip:* Mormon exclamation meaning to "mess up". Slang for many common curse words. See also: Fetch. A word used by Mormon missionaries the world over as an all-purpose substitute for the s word. Synonymous with "fetch."
Following the Brethren* Heeding the counsel of local and general leaders of the Church.
FoMo:* Formerly Mormon.
Food Storage - Organic substances which promote good health among the brethren, not by consumption, but through a rigorous weightlifting program. A supply of food necessary to sustain life for a year. Church leaders encourage members, where possible, to store food, clothing, fuel, and other items in preparation for emergencies.
Foreordination* The doctrine that individuals were called and set apart in the premortal existence to perform certain roles in mortal life, should they so choose.
Freaking:* Mormon acceptable alternative to the f word. See also "Friggin."
Free Agency - The L.D.S. belief in every person's absolute right to choose his or her own beliefs and actions.
Frick or Frickin':* A word used by contemporary mormons as a surrogate for the f word.
Friend, The* Since 1971, the Church periodical for children.
Frigging (or freaking):* A euphemism for the "F" word as used by the righteous.
fruitcake = at BYU spaz, fruity, and fruitcake mean crazy and not gay.
fruity = at BYU spaz, fruity, and fruitcake mean crazy and not gay.
Fullness of the Gospel* The doctrine, ordinances, authority, and organization necessary to enable individuals to attain salvation.
Fundamentalist Mormons:* these both practice and believe in plural marriages and hold to very fundamental teachings taught by early church leaders like Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and John Taylor.
Fundamentalists:* Fundies. People who still actually practice historical Mormon doctrine.
G
g.a. - See general authority.
g's - Slang for garments.
GA's - See general authority.
Gabriel A person spoken of in Daniel 8:16 and Luke 1:11-19, identified as Noah by the Prophet Joseph Smith.
Garments - The sacred underclothing worn by many Mormons as a reminder of the covenants undertaken in the Temple as part of the endowment ceremony. The garments are to be worn at all times -- except during bathing, sports, and certain other activities -- and are not to be shown to or handled by non-members. Despite apocryphal claims that Mormons killed in various types of accidents have suffered no injury on the parts of their bodies covered by the garments, the Church teaches that the garments offer only spiritual and not physical protection.
Gathering, The
gator - slang for "investigator."
Genealogical Work:* Mormons have been taught that they must research out their relatives. They fill out family group sheets and pedigree charts to establish links to the past. They present these records to the Mormon temple so that people can be baptized by proxy for the dead, then later adult "temple Mormons" will go through an endowment session by proxy for the relative. Later others will go into a sealing room and by proxy have entire families sealed together so they can be together in the Celestial Kingdom.
General Authority - Catch-all term for a member of any of the governing bodies of the L.D.S. Church, including the First Presidency, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the First and Second Quorums of the Seventy, and the Presiding Bishopric. Also applies to the Patriarch of the Church. Often shortened to g.a.
General Conference General assemblies of Church members in Salt Lake City, regularly convened every April and October.
General Conference Reports:* Chloroform in print. Statistics only making sense when viewed with your "spiritual eyes."
General Handbook of Instructions
General Relief Society Presidency
General Relief Society Presidents
Gentile - An individual who is not a Mormon - yet. - Used to refer to any non-Mormon. This is a non-stigmatic term, as opposed to "heathen." - According to the context in which it is used, the following meanings are possible for Latter-day Saints: (1) one not of the lineage of Israel; (2) a non-Latter-day Saint; (3) one who is not Jewish; (4) one who is not a Lamanite.
Gilead. Balm of
God:* an exalted man who once lived on a planet like ours and proved obedient. He received "priesthood" and went through a temple having his family sealed to him. He and his wives are having spiritual babies for other planets as his kingdom eternally expands "eternal progression." Mormons believe in a trinity of purpose not substance. Doctrine & Covenants 130:3 reads "the appearance of the Father and Son in that verse [Jn 14:23], is a personal appearance; and the idea that the Father and Son dwell in a man's heart is an old sectarian notion, and is false." Later in the same section in verse 22 Smith wrote "the Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man's; the Son also; but the Holy Ghost has not a body of flesh and bones, but is a personage of Spirit. Were it not so, the Holy Ghost could not dwell in us." In the current temple endowment, as in the past, God the Father is introduced as being "Elohim," God the Son is introduced as "Jehovah," and the "Michael" is introduced as the third major person among the gods of creation. Many Mormons believe Michael was Adam's premortal name.
Godhead:* "The Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man's; the Son also; but the Holy Ghost has not a body of flesh and bones, but is a personage of Spirit. Were it not so, the Holy Ghost could not dwell in us." Doctrine and Covenants 130:22 "I will preach on the plurality of Gods. I have selected this text for that express purpose. I wish to declare I have always and in all congregations when I have preach on the subject of the Deity, it has been the plurality of Gods. It has been preached by the Elders for fifteen years."
Gold Plates* The anciently engraved metal plates from which Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon.
Golden - A term applied to investigators who are primed and ready to join the Church, often before even meeting the missionaries, and for whom taking the discussions is merely a formality before baptism.
Golden Bible:* see Mormon Bible.
Golden Plates, the - The engraved record delivered by the angel Moroni to the prophet Joseph Smith, from which the Book of Mormon was purportedly translated. The plates were seen by only a few select witnesses, whose testimony can be found in the front of current editions of the Book of Mormon. Shortly after the work of translation was complete, Moroni returned and took the plates back to whatever dimension he originally came from.
Gospel* The "good news" of redemption through Jesus Christ; the principles and ordinances of the plan of salvation.
Grace:* Divine help given through the mercy of Jesus Christ. It is an enabling power that allows men and women to receive eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts.
Great and Abominable Church* All assemblies, congregations, or associations of people not authorized by God and that fight against God and his purposes
Greenie - A term applied to new missionaries based on the metaphor of un-ripened fruit. Because, unlike other missionaries, they are not yet sweet, round and soft in the middle. - Greenhorn. A missionary new to the field, freshly arrived from the M.T.C. Butt of jokes and victim of mostly harmless initiation rites.
H
Hear - as in let them that have ears hear.
Heart Heaven* (1) The dwelling place of God; (2) any kingdom of glory.
Heck:* Mormons avoid saying "Hell"
Hell* (1) The condition of misery one may feel after sinning; (2) the temporary dwelling place of the unrepentant till the judgment day.
Hie:* What you have to do to get to Kolob.
High Council* A group of twelve high priests (and sometimes alternates) who help direct the affairs of a stake.
High Priest:* worthy adult male leaders who have proven worthy elders. They "administer" ward and stake leadership as a bishops, high counselors, or stake presidencies. - An office in the Melchizedek Priesthood.
Higher law, a - The authority to which Mormons appeal when the laws of the land inconvenience the fulfillment of their desires. Nowhere mentioned in Joseph Smith's twelfth Article of Faith: "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law."
Holy Ghost* The third member of the Godhead, a personage of Spirit.
Home Teachers - The men in the ward are paired up and asked to visit usually three to four families each month. They are supposed to talk with the families, and give a lesson. Home teachers are supposed to provide extra support for those families, be aware of their needs and help in any way they can.
Home Teaching A Church program in which priesthood holders regularly visit assigned homes of members.
homemaking One of three areas of emphasis in the Relief Society of the Church.
Honor Code of BYU
hooked-up = beginning an exclusive dating relationship; getting married
Hot drinks: * (Word of Wisdom) Including iced tea and coffee, but not hot soup or hot chocolate. house
Humor - need to include lightmindedness
hump day - The halfway point in a mission. For an elder, this comes one year into his mission; for a sister, it comes nine months into hers.
I
Improvement Era, The* An official publication of the Church, 1897-1970.
Indian student placement* The practice of bringing LDS American Indian children to live in LDS homes during the school year. Also known as Indian Student Placement Program or Indian Student Placement Services
Inspired Version of the Bible Another name for the Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible.
Institute of Religion* Weekday religious instruction for students attending colleges, universities, and other postsecondary schools. College and university outreaches with college level course work which are often accepted by students transferring to LDS colleges and universities.
Instructor, the
International Genealogical Index or IGI
Investigator - A prospective member of the L.D.S. Church, usually one who is being actively taught the discussions by the missionaries. A person who is interested in the Church and is receiving missionary instruction.
Iron Rod An image from Lehi's dream in the Book of Mormon, meaning "the word of God"-suggesting straitness and security.
Israel* (1) Members of the Church; (2) the Old Testament patriarch Jacob and his descendants.
J
Jack Mormon - Once a term which referred to a non-member friendly toward the Church. Now refers to a Mormon who does not practice Church teachings and does not bother to conceal the fact, as by publicly smoking and drinking, or by having too much fun on a Sunday.
Jackson County (Missouri)
Jay Dub - Mission slang for a Jehovah's Witness. So derived from a shortening of the initials J.W.
Jehovah - Another name for Jesus Christ, particularly in the Old Testament.
Jehovah's Witnesses:* Like Mormons, but without the weirder bits.
Jello Belt: * Area of land from Rexburg, Idaho to Snowflake, Arizona (see Zion Curtain).
Johnny Mormon:* Gentile term meaning a typical Mormon. The male version of Molly Mormon cf similar forms like John Doe, Johnny Reb, etc.
Joseph Smith Memorial Building
Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible aka JST* The translation of the Bible by Joseph Smith, begun in 1830, which resulted in his receiving many doctrinal revelations.
Josephite:* A follower of Joseph Smith III, the son of Joseph Smith Jr. They formed a larger group than the Brighamites originally, and did not head to Utah. They became the RLDS, now known as the Community of Christ.
Journal of Discourses* A collection of sermons by LDS leaders, 1854-1886 (26 volumes); it is not an official source for Church doctrine.
Judgment Day, Final
K
Keys of the Priesthood* The right to exercise or direct authority, perform ordinances, or to preside over a priesthood function, quorum, or Church organization.
Kicker - Washington Spokane Mission slang for a lazy missionary who habitually breaks the rules. This may be derived from the New Testament passage in which the Lord appears to Saul on the road to Damascus and says, "I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks" (Acts 9:5). Then again, perhaps it's derived from the simple phrase "to kick back," meaning "to relax." Beats me. See also bucket.
Kingdom of God* (1) God's dominion; (2) the Church; (3) the political government of God.
Kirtland (Ohio)
Kolob - According to Mormon mythology, the star about which orbits the planet on which God lives.
L
L.D.S. - See Latter-Day Saint.
Lamanites* (1) An Israelite people in the Book of Mormon, descendants of Joseph of Egypt through Lehi and Ishmael; (2) today, many American Indians.
Latter-Day Saint - Member of the Mormon Church. Taken from the Church's official moniker. Used in abbreviation as an adjectivial reference to things Mormon; See also Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, The, saint.
Laying on of Hands The placing of hands by those holding priesthood authority on the head of a member to confer authority, office, calling, or blessing.
Leadership conference - A regular series of training meetings for the district leaders, zone leaders, and assistants to the president in a mission.
Legend - A missionary whose successes and/or exploits were so amazing and inspirational that his fame lives on in the mission long after his release -- sometimes for years afterward. Most legends tend to accrete around righteous, upright missionaries, though it is rumored that there exists a subculture in which legendary tales of bold rulebreaking are passed down from one generation of elders to the next. But I wouldn't know anything about that.
Leopard Sweat:* [DAW] Moonshine -> Valley Tan.
Less Valiant In The Pre-Existence
Levitical Priesthood* The lesser priesthood. (See also Aaronic Priesthood.)
Light of Christ.* The power of Christ infused in all creation.
Line of authority (1) A priesthood bearer's "priesthood lineage," that is, a sequential listing of ordinations tracing one's own priesthood authority through priesthood leaders to the apostles and Jesus Christ.
M
M.R.S. degree:* The degree all female freshmen of B.Y.U want to earn by their junior year so they won't have to serve a mission and be considered "old maids". M.T.C. - See Missionary Training Center. mac 'n' shazz - A flakism meaning "macaroni and cheese" -- particularly the instant Kraft variety, a staple of the missionary diet. See also shazz. Macaronhi:* One of the most twisted characters in the BoM, but also known to be white & delightsome. (see also Spaghetti). Machis-mo:* Cocky self-righteous bravado displayed by spiritually impotent Mormon males. Example: Any General Conference talk given by Boyd K Packer. Madrid Spain Temple Magazines Magi:* The most famous trio to attend a baby shower without bringing Tupperware. Magic Magic Valley Magnifying One's Calling magnifying one's calling* Measuring up to the duties to which one may be called. Mahah Main Page Main Street Plaza:* A sovereign area where the Mormons institute Satan's Plan. Gordon B. Hinckley has been heard shrieking, "NOW IS THE DAY OF MY POWER!!!" make Malachi Malachi, Prophecies of Malcolm X-Mormon:* Black and Delightsome Mammonism (MAM-uh-niz-uhm) noun:* The greedy pursuit of riches. (Mammon, riches, avarice, and worldly gain personified as a false god in the New Testament + -ism.) "The survey revealed that mammonism, or the principle of the almighty dollar, is strong in Mormonism with 46 percent of those polled agreeing that money can buy happiness." 44 Pct of Mormons feel more dejected after tithing. Mammoth, Woolly:* A Jaredite Elephant (FARMS). man Man of Holiness Man's Search for Happiness Manchester, New York Manger:* Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO and because Joseph got lost while refusing to ask for directions. Manhattan New York Temple Manifesto Manifesto of 1890 Manifesto of 1890* The pronouncement that the Church had officially ended the practice of polygamy. Manila Philippines Temple Mankind Manna:* The Cheerios scattered on the chapel floor following sacrament meeting. Another male chauvinist reference in the church... sheesh! Manti Manti Utah Temple Manuscript, Lost 116 Pages Marion G. Romney Mark E. Petersen Mark Hoffman Mark Hoffmann Mark Hofmann:* When it absolutely, positively has to be blown up over night. A man with a plan. A man with a divine purpose. "When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed - forge ahead!" Mark of Eve:* Similar to the Mark of Cain. Women recieve this curse for original sins of Eve and non-valient performance in the pre-existence. Curse includes female gender and exclusion from the priesthood. Also means a diminished role after death. Where men become Gods women share one man with countless other women. Marmots:* California slang for "Marmons". marriage Marriage - (Oh well, the couch is comfortable.) A device to prevent brethren and sisters from missing each other by keeping them well within firing range. Marriage and Families Marriage Rates Marriage Supper of the Lamb marriage, eternal* The doctrine that the bonds of marriage may continue into the eternities if a man and a woman are sealed in a temple and continue faithful to their covenants. Marriage:* Device to produce more members and keep old ones in (not to be confused with other loving or erotic relationships). Marriner W. Merrill Marriott Center:* The Marry-a-lot Center. Very Odd Center. marry Martha Stewart's Moroni Macaroni:* This recipe, formerly shared only with insiders is now being trumpeted and served at your nearest K-Mart kitchen. Drenched in disappearing golden plated butter and sprinkled with curelom condiments and goes well with funeral casseroles and green Jell-O. Caution: This dish is so heavenly that it often is swept skyward as if by an angel. Martin Harris Martin Harris Farm Martin Harris:* A fool and his money. Martyrdom of Joseph and Hyrum Smith martyrdom of Joseph and Hyrum Smith* The murder of Joseph and Hyrum Smith by a mob in Carthage, Illinois, on June 27, 1844. Martyrdom of Joseph Smith Martyrs marvelous work and a wonder A reference to a prophecy of (Isaiah 29:1-14) concerning the restoration of the gospel and the coming forth of the Book of Mormon. marvelous work and a wonder A reference to a prophecy of Isaiah (29:1-14) concerning the restoration of the gospel and the coming forth of the Book of Mormon. Marvin J Ashton:* Marvelously Ashen. Marvin J. Ashton Mary Ellen W. Smoot Mary Whitmer Mary, Mother of Jesus Mason:* Mormon who can read and speak "Reformed Egyptian." Masturbation * Young Men and Young Women's "self" service project. The Big M. Shakin' hands with Dallin Oaks. Pat the Packer. Material Culture Maternity and Child Health Care Mathoni Matriarchal Grip:* Something adept Mormon moms use to control several of their kids at the same time. Matter Matthew Cowley Matthew, Gospel of Matthias F. Cowley MAV:* Mormon Assault Vehicle. Short for Mormon-owned mini-vans full of blond-haired children. Maxi-mo:* A true believing Mormon (TBM). One who takes Mormonism literally. Maxwellian:* To liken oneself to Neal A Maxwell. Example: "I believe we should all look for magical maxwellian metaphors that mimic miraculous moments in Mormon merriment." MBT:* Member by Tradition, as opposed to TBM - True Believing Mormon. McKay Christensen McKay, David O. McTemple:* The International House of Handshakes. Mini-morg. "Want lies with that order?" meaning Meat Mecham, Evan - Bigoted former governor of Arizona, whose opinions and antics shamed even fellow Mormons. Medford Oregon Temple Medical Practices meet meeting Meetinghouse Meetinghouse Libraries Meetings, Major Church Meganacle Melbourne Australia Temple Melchizedek Melchizedek Priesthood Melchizedek Priesthood - The higher order of priesthood authority in the L.D.S. Church, encompassing the offices of elder, seventy, high priest, patriarch, apostle, and prophet. Named for Melchizedek, that oh-so-famous Old Testament character. Melchizedek Priesthood:* all worthy adult males hold this priesthood. Offices within the Melchizedek priesthood are elder, seventy, high priest, patriarch and apostle. This priesthood is extremely important to Mormons and particularly as it applies to the temple work. They are taught to scoff at the biblical teaching of the "authority of the believer." In any discussion they may ask "where do you get the authority to baptize?" No one performs an ordinance in the LDS church out of need. It is only through specific delegated authority. Melchizedek Priesthood:* Melstethocope Priesthood. Melchizeldick Priesthood. Melpencildick Priesthood. The Unpronounceable Priesthood. The Milky-Dick Priesthood (or Penishood). Holy Milk-his-dick Preesthoodsthood. Male & his Dick priesthood. Melchizedek Priesthood* The higher priesthood, including the offices of eider, seventy, high priest, patriarch, and apostle, and focused upon the spiritual things of the gospel (cf. with Aaronic Priesthood). Melchizedek Priesthood* The higher priesthood, including the offices of elder, seventy, high priest, patriarch, and apostle, and focused upon the spiritual things of the gospel (cf. with Aaronic Priesthood). Melvin J. Ballard member membersheep:* The Mormon flock of faithful. Membership membership record* The official certificate of membership in the Church kept at Church headquarters. Membership Records Membershit:* How one feels after a lifetime of flockship. The in-active majority on the rolls. Memphis Tennessee Temple Men, Roles of Mental Health mercy Mercy Mercy Killing Mericat:* [DAW] Native term for non-Mormon Anglo (from ìAmericanî?) Merida Mexico Temple Meridian of Time Meridian of Time - The era in which Jesus Christ lived. The term is derived from the fact that time, in Western civilization, is measured backward and forward from the approximate date of his birth. Merrill J. Bateman Merry Chiasmus:* It's always Chiasmus time at FARMS. Merry Christmas:* Merry Smithmas. Merry "X"-mas. Mesa Arizona Temple Mesa, Arizona, USA :* Salt RIVER City. South Salt Lake. MesMORMONizing :* Repetition and memorization, but only as a specialized tool to build and maintain a testimony similar in effect to chanting. Mesoamerica:* Favorite holiday spot of Mormon apologists in FARMS. Noted for ancient Lamanite sites and day trips. Mesquite:* Last stop for picking up booze along I-15 before entering Utah. message messenger Messenger and Advocate Messiah Messianic Prophecies in the Old Testament Meta-mo-phosis:*1. Subtle changes to embarrassing LDS doctrine and dogma designed to ease the membership into mainstream Christianity while maintaining tithing cash flow 2. The transformational process of a True Believing Mormon realizing that church doctrine and dogma are mythical. 3. The act of peeling away ones garments, stretching ones thought processes and blissfully flying off into the real world. Metaphysics Mexico and Central America, the Church in Mexico City Mexico Temple Mexico, Pioneer Settlements in MIA:* Murder, infidelity and apostasy. Missing In-Actives. Micah Michael the Archangel Michael The archangel, identified in LDS teachings as Adam.* Middle East, the Church in the Midvale:* Mid-Valium. Mo-Veil. MIG:* Men in Gray either missionary drones or GA's. Mike Crapo Mike Leavitt Mike Simpson Military and the Church Milk before Meat :* The more plausible before the ludicrous. Valium before lobotomy. Water before Wee. Listen to the "Tit" first. Milk Mormons:* Mormons who have absolutely no philosophical or intellectual curiosity about doctrine, history, the nature of priesthood authority or any other important aspect of their belief system but are instead completely content to go through life singing "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree", blessing the refreshments, sticking gold stars on each others' foreheads and gushing over every cliche, platitude and absurdity ever uttered by any of the General Authorities. Millenarianism Millennial Star Millennial Star* The official publication of the Church in the United Kingdom, 1840-1970. Millennium Millennium:* 1) The thousand year period when Mormons will be the only people left to hit that ass. 2) The thousand year period when Mormons believe they will be able to enjoy the rewards benefits of being completely indifferent to the struggles for world peace, civil justice and environmental responsibility by being the only people left alive to hit that ass. - see the "Promised Putty Tang" and (the) Second Coming. mind Minivan - The Mormon sportscar. Minorities Miracle of forgiveness Miracles Mishie:* Slang for Mormon Elder or Sister serving full time as a missionary. Mishmash:* Odd hotchpotch of contradictory and unrelated ideas as taught by missionaries. mission mission - The period of service, usually two years, in which a young man or woman gives up a real life in exchange for the privilege of trudging around and knocking on the doors of people who would rather be watching television; e.g., "I won't marry you, Josh, unless you go on a mission first." Also used to denote a single geographical region, administered by a mission president, in which missionaries are assigned to serve; as in, "Poor Bobby Joe has been called to the Iowa Des Moines Mission." mission call - The official notice a prospective missionary receives of where he will be assigned to labor. See also call, calling. mission farewell - The Sunday church meeting at which a departing missionary offers his testimony before entering the Missionary Training Center. Mission farewells used to be more elaborate affairs than they are now. Both of the departing missionary's parents would also speak during the program, and other family members would be likely to perform musical numbers or offer prayers. In recent years, the general authorities have attempted to scale down mission farewells, particularly by not permitting family members to plan the program and by discouraging families from holding "open houses" after the meetings. Predictably, given the social nature of the Mormon animal, that's one of the dicta from Salt Lake that hasn't gone over very well. Mission farewell and homecoming mission field - Metaphorical term used by Mormons to indicate the non-specific place where missionary work takes place -- as distinguished from the places where they live. Derived from a passage in the Doctrine and Covenants, referring to the great number of souls awaiting conversion, that says, "For behold the field is white already to harvest" (D & C 4:4). mission home - The residence of a mission president and his family, provided free of charge by the Church and normally located in an upscale yet not ostentatious neighborhood. mission office - The administrative headquarters of a mission. Mission president mission president - A leader appointed for a period of three years to oversee and administer a specific geographical mission of the Church, supervising usually one to two hundred missionaries. Mission presidents and their families are provided with nice houses and cars, and often angle for positions of even greater responsibility and authority. Many mission presidents are successful businessmen of one stripe or another who attempt to indoctrinate their subordinate missionaries with effective sales techniques. This presumably prepares the missionaries to accept the obligatory multilevel marketing jobs upon their return to mainstream Mormon society. Amway likes Mormons. Mission President:* Masturbation expert. mission reunion - An event at which returned missionaries who served together under the same mission president gather to convince each other of how good those old mission days were and how much everyone misses them. Usually held in conjunction with General Conference in April or October. Mission Reunions Mission, Mission President Mission:* A period of approved unemployment, mainly for young men, at the participant's own expense. Involves a great deal of traveling on foot and enforced companionship, among other trials. missionaries Missionaries Missionarionette:* missionary missionary - A proselytizing representative of the L.D.S. Church. Most missionaries are young males who serve for a period of two years at their own expense -- or, more likely, at the expense of their families. Young women serve for a period of eighteen months, and older couples serve for six, twelve, or eighteen months. Young single men become eligible to serve missions at the age of nineteen, whereas young single woman (being, of course, encouraged to consider multiplying and replenishing the earth as a higher priority) are not eligible until the age of twenty-one. All young men are encouraged to go on missions -- and may find themselves censured by the community if they do not. Mission service is such an important rite of passage that many parents offer their sons what amounts to bribes in order to coax them into the field. It is not uncommon for returned missionaries to be rewarded with a car, with college tuition, or with, in my case, a newly finished bedroom all to himself in the attic of his family's house. Missionaries are expected to devote all their time and energy to the task of preaching the Restored Gospel. They dress and groom conservatively and are not permitted to engage in such worldly activities as dating, watching movies or television, reading newspapers, magazines, or books not officially approved for missionary consumption, listening to music not performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and any other pastime designed to stave off imminent insanity. Children are trained early to look forward to mission service, by learning to sing such songs as "I Hope They Call Me on a Mission" in Primary. See also "best two years of my life, the," elder, mission president, sister missionary. Missionary Assault Vehicle:* An ancient mountain bike with bald tires and no brakes. Missionary Couple:* People who engage in coupling on a frequent basis in the missionary field. Missionary Coupling:* Two mishies getting it on. missionary discussions Basic gospel lessons missionaries use to teach interested people about the Church and its doctrines. Missionary district Missionary Lessons:* Plan 10-The Series. Missionary Program Missionary Training Center Missionary Training Center - A complex of dormitories and classrooms adjacent to Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, where newly called missionaries go for training before being sent to their assigned missions. Those learning to teach the discussions in their native tongues stay at the Missionary Training Center for three weeks. Those learning a foreign language stay for eight weeks. Usually shortened to M.T.C. Missionary Training Centers missionary training centers (MTC)* Centers where formally called missionaries are instructed and trained before departure to assigned missions. Missionary Work missionary work - The act of attempting to convert souls to the Restored Gospel. All Mormons are encouraged to perform missionary work, though most prefer to leave it to the ordained missionaries. Missionary work:* The indiscriminant sharing of ignorance. Kolob snowjob. Missionary Zone Missionary, Missionary Life Missionary:* Zionista. Eunuch. Imp. One of several kinds of mischievous Mormon fairies. Someone who refuses to take a POSITION on anything. Zion Zombie. Missions Missions of the Twelve to the British Isles Missouri Missouri Conflict Missouri Period mistakes Mitt Romney MLM:* Multi Level Mormonizing, Mormon Level Marketing. Utah County is the capital of this predatory marketing scam. MMM:* Mountain Meadow Massacre. Murdering Mormon marauders. Mormon Millennial Madness. Mo-bot:* A Mormon robot. Staunch LDS. Mo-dar:* The uncanny ability to detect who is Mormon and who is not by body language, dress, speech inflections and mannerisms but not by "The whisperings of the still small voice." Mo-hawk: * An LDS member of the John Birch Society who voted for Reagan. Mo-hicans: * First Native American nation to convert en masse to Mormonism and later to un-convert en masse when modern DNA science revealed that they were descended from Mongolia/Siberia rather than Jerusalem. Mo-it-all: * This term relates to faithful and ex Mormons alike: Someone who knows every little piece of doctrine and can spout a relevant tidbit in any conversation. For example: Heber is such a Mo-it-all, he could still teach Gospel Doctrine and Joe-Fuddle everyone there with his vast knowledge of church history and doctrine. Mo-lag Archipelago:* Church Education System where Seminary and Institute students are brainwashed with Mormon mind control. A group of islands in the South Pacific Ocean known a Mormon Samoa. Mo-lebrity:* People of certain questionable "celebrity" status (see has-beens) who retain their celebrity status among Mormons and are worshipped as idols just because they are Mormon. ( see Steve Young, Osmonds, Gladys Knight, etc.) Mo-maculate Conception:* Once God, our father in heaven, had picked out just which teenage honey he was to impregnate, the Holy Spirit was called upon to "get that thang all warmed up and ready." It is said that God Cock being so powerful, Mary needed the Holy Spirit to first come upon her, prior to God "squirting GODGOO all up in that." Because the Holy Ghost is often depicted as a dove, it has been suggested by church authorities that this came to pass through the use of a holy feather. True to LDS form and tradition, it has been cited numerous times that Mary being so holy, proves a perfect example for LDS Young Women by keeping her mouth shut after having sexual relations with her father. Mo-tard:* A Mormon who is always late to church meetings. Mo-trin:* A popular recreational drug used at Youth Conferences which induces a first vision experience with a dazzling display of Elohim, Jehovah and the Holy Ghost enticing the youngster to start a new religion. Mo-Wegian:* A Mormon with Scandinavian ancestry often called Christiansen, Jensen, Sorenson, etc. Mo'rridor:* The Mormon front from Ogden through Salt Lake City to Provo, Utah. Moamphetamine:* A colorless and odorless drug used by most bishoprics inducing an energized state of wakefulness in spite of endless mind numbing meetings and rote testimonies. MOB:* Men on bikes, usually LDS missionaries. Men of Boyds, spiritual hitmen. Mobid:* A peculiar state of being morbid that requires one to take ridiculous stocks of food and preach to all that will listen that the latter-days are upon us and the end is nigh (unless you are a good Mormon). Moceited:* The "we're better because were part of the one true church" mentality often held by Mormons. This is often manifest by a condescending tone and sarcastic attitude toward those not of the one true church. Mocons:* A religious icons of a Mormon theme. Examples: families are forever cross stitch, Del Parson Jesus pictures, Crosses (oh wait, that's Catholicism), Framed Proclamation to the Family, Temple pictures, CTR rings, etc. modern Modern - Knitting with stainless steel. Modest Clothing Modesty Modesty in Dress Moho, meaning Mormon homosexual. moisture (as opposed to rain, snow, etc.) Molly - A perjorative adjective referring to behavior typical of a dewy-eyed Mormon girl; e.g., "Buying herself a sewing machine was such a Molly thing for my wife to do." Derived by shortening "Molly Mormon." Molly Mormon - Derogatory name for the stereotypical young Mormon female. Sometimes shortened simply to "Molly." See also Peter Priesthood. Molly Mormon:* Pollyanna of the Patriarchy. The ideal wife for a returned missionary. Mollywood:* Salt Lake City. Relief Society. Brigham Young Studios. Mormon themed film production including: The RM, Singles Ward, The Book of Mormon Movie, The Work and the Glory, Seminary videos, church PR campaign segments, etc. Momecca:* Salt Lake City, The Promised Land, a destination of pilgrims in the LDS world. Monday Monday Night Football:* The only day that true mormon families gather to watch the sport of football. Sometimes use this as an activity to family home evening. Suggested by the church so they can watch football too because everyone else watches it on Sunday. money Monogaphobia:* Fear of not being a polygamist. Monopoly money - Mission slang for Canadian currency, so derived because every denomination is a different color. Monounce:* To cut off ties with a family member once their status as a non-believer has been established. Example: "I was monounced by my parents and family, cut out of the will and not allowed to attend family events."(See also disMowned). Monsonize:* Tell a disturbing commandment or idea in a cute homily. Monterrey Mexico Temple Montevideo Uruguay Temple month Monticello Utah Temple Montreal Quebec Temple Mopologist:* A Mormon apologist. One who mops up myths and places them in a list. Fictorian. Oxen moron. Disneyologist. Moranis, Rick - An actor who achieved notoriety as Bob McKenzie (to Dave Thomas's Doug) on SCTV, then went on to sink to even greater depths of acheivement. For more information, see here. more More-menism:* Feminist definition of Mormonism. Moreman:* A person with a higher priesthood rating than you. Morg Morg:* Mormon ORGanization. An unthinking member of the Church. This has its origin in Star Trek the Next Generation. "The Borg" are a collective of various different humanoid species which have been "assimilated" into a huge community. Each member of the collective is incapable of individuality. All actions are determined by the collective mind and are for the benefit of the collective, its future existence, and continual growth. The Borg are characterized by their cold lack of compassion or emotion, and ruthless pursuit of the goals of the collective, if necessary at the expense of the individual "drones" or members of the collective. Morg = Mormon + Borg. Also, Morg is a homonym for Morgue, representing death of the individual or spirit which often results in fully submitting one's will to the Church. Morganic Brain Syndrome:* Creepy kind of a dopey inbred look caused by LDS cult brainwashing. MBS is the only disease known to be both hereditary and contagious. Morgasm:* Testimony bearing by an LDS person. Climaxing during the washing and annointing ordinance in the temple. Morgbotitude:* The self-righteous "we are special" attitude of smugness found in Mormons. Morgonomics:* A financial system which automatically deducts 10% of an individualís annual gross product and empties it into General Authorities retirement accounts. Morianton Mormal:* One who thinks Mormonism is normal. Mormania:* The Mormon frenzy of running from one church meeting to another. The Mormon version of the rapture. The uncontrollable urge to bear your testimony. Mormanism Mormanity:* The Latter-day Saint sub-section of humanity. Wherever two or more Mormons gather. The state of Utah. Mormies:* The Mormon equivalent of Moonies. The specially selected attractive "non-special spirit" sister missionaries assigned to all LDS visitor centers. Morminess:* The degree to which a person accepts the dogma of the Mormon leaders. Example: "Parley P Pratt's morminess caused him to take Hector McLean's wife Eleanor. He was killed because of his morminess." Mormmys:* The Ex-Mormon equivalent of The Grammy's. A collection </slamtoons/mormmys> of parody tunes and hymns that mock Mormon music. Mormoan:* A Mormon Samoan. Mormon Mormon - A prophet of ancient America, according to L.D.S. teachings. Compiler and abridger of the original engraved plates from which the Book of Mormon was purportedly translated. Also, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, so nicknamed due to belief in the divine nature of the Book of Mormon, or an adverbial reference to things related to the Church. Mormon Art and Artists Mormon Assault Vehicle or MAV:* A Chrysler or Dodge mini-van stuffed with nine screaming children, their pregnant mother and crazed father driving to the ward house on Sunday mornings at 9:00 A.M. The Anti-Chrysler. Mormon baptism Mormon Battalion Mormon Beliefs Mormon Beliefs on human tragedy Mormon Bible:* Gentile name for Book of Mormon, also called golden because of the plates. Can be found in some early sources about the religion. An old Western expression according to DAW is "to take a davy on the Mormon Bible", meaning to swear on something considered worthless or stupid, by non-Mormons. Mormon Blanket:* [RA] Patchwork quilt made of smaller scraps. Mormon books Mormon Callings Mormon Church Mormon City:* Salt Lake City. Mormon Cricket Cola:* Sickeningly sweet beverage that produces a strong buzz followed by heartburn. (Warning- The after taste of the artificial sweetener may induce uncontrolled vomiting all over the side of the nearest mountain.) Mormon cult Mormon culture Mormon doctrine Mormon Doctrine - An Introduction Mormon Doctrines: The teachings of Jesus Christ Mormon endowment Mormon Exodus Mormon Finances Mormon garments Mormon Gazpacho:* A marriage of rich and powerful flavors with a choice selection of fresh spicy young tidbits. This recipe was secretly developed in Illinois, later to be openly promoted in Utah. Government sanctions forced production to move to Mexico. It is served cold in keeping with the original admonition of the Word of Wisdom. (Warning: Has been linked to psychotic episodes, delusions of grandeur, and death.) Mormon Ground Zero:* Provo, Utah. Mormon Handicraft Mormon history Mormon History Main Page Mormon Holidays Mormon Humor Mormon Idioms Mormon jokes Mormon law of chastity Mormon leadership Mormon Life and Culture Mormon meetings Mormon Millennium Malaise:* A syndrome remarkable for these signs and symptoms: pasty white face, blank stare, sunken eyes, tongue hanging out, weak trembling voice, exhaustion, compulsive need to attend endless meetings, sense of desperation, hoarding of food stuffs, history of failing in at least thirteen multi level marketing scams, has memorized Duane S. Crowther's book "Prophecy Key To The Future", writes fan mail to Cleon Skousen, bears testimony with a voice that deteriorates into incoherent ramblings and word salad. Most commonly found in isolated areas of Jackson Country, Missouri, USA. Mormon Miracle Pageant Mormon missionaries Mormon Missionaries at the Missionary Training Center Mormon Movie:* A cheesy way to present the church. The only thing mormons can watch on sundays. Examples could be God's Army, Brigham City, Singles Ward, The RM. Mormon Music Mormon myths Mormon myths 2 Mormon Oiler:* Derog. Mormon Mexican. Mormon Pioneer Trail Mormon Pioneers Mormon Poets Mormon Politics Mormon Population Mormon Populations Today Mormon practice Mormon president Mormon Priesthood Mormon Priesthood 2 Mormon prophet Mormon Prophet Funeral Mormon religion Mormon Scripture Mormon Should Mean "More Good" Mormon Should Mean "More Good" (President Gordon B. Hinckley) Mormon standard time Mormon Standard Time - The LDS belief that time is merely a transient illusion associated with our mortal existence. An LDS meeting was once reported to have started on time. But the incident has since been attributed to a cosmic anomally which temporarily altered the space-time continuum. Mormon Standard Time - Twenty minutes late. Mormon Tabernacle Choir Mormon Tabernacle Choir Broadcast ("The Spoken Word") Mormon Tabernacle Choir:* PR Choir. Mo Tabs. Testimonkies-R-Us Choir. The only piece of Mormonia that the rest of the world will ever accept. Mormon Tabernacle Choir* The large lay choir that broadcasts weekly from Temple Square in Salt Lake City. Mormon Tabernacle Queer:* A closet gay guy who thinks being in the bass section somehow makes them straight. Mormon temple Mormon temple marriage Mormon temples Mormon Temples: A Slideshow Mormon Terminology Mormon theology Mormon Trail Mormon undergarments Mormon underwear Mormon women Mormon Youth Symphony and Chorus Mormon-Brake:*[D.A.W] A log tied behind a cart to slow it down when going downhill. Mormon-Buckskin:* [RA] Baling wire. Mormon-Buggy:* [D.A.W] Light springed wagon with fringed top. Mormon-Currency:* Carrots. Mormon-Derrick:* [RA] Type of crane for lifting hay off carts. Mormon-Dip:* [RA] Milk gravy. Mormon-Dog:* [DAW] Can with pebbles used as a rattle to control cattle when no dogs are available. Mormon-Hobbles:* [DAW] Hobbles made of metal like a puzzle to deter native rustlers. Mormon-Iron:* [DAW] Rawhide. Mormon-shirttail:* [RA] Short-sleeved shirt. Mormon-tangle:* [DAW] A packerís knot, also known as the ìsquaw hitchî. Mormon-tea:* [DAW] A brew made from plants of the genus ìephedraî. (Although it contains no caffeine, the WoW specifically forbids HOT drinks! Another double standard!) Mormon-Tree:* [DAW] The Lombardy poplar (Populus nigra), a fast growing tree used for hedging etc. Mormon:* Mobot. God groupie. Ten percenter. A common misspelling of the word 'moron' having the same meaning. Jehovah's Witless. Mormondom:* [DAW] ñ Mormon country, Utah and environs. Mormondumb:* The magic kingdom of Joseph Smith and of those gullible enough to play and pay along with him. Mormoness:* Old word for Mormon woman. Mormonism Mormonism and Christianity Mormonism and Marriage Mormonism and World Religions Mormonism cult Mormonism vs. Christianity Mormonism, An Independent Interpretation Mormonism, Mormons Mormonism, Mormons* Unofficial terms for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and its members; members prefer to use the official name of the Church and to be referred to as Latter-day Saints. Mormonism:* Churchianity. Joseph's Myth. Mormon Mary Glands. What those BIC are fed on, except in public. Mormonite:* Old word for Mormon. Mormonophobia:* fear of becoming a Mormon. Mormonopoly:* The Church's ownership and acquisition of non-religious real estate. Example: There's a Mormonopoly in downtown Salt Lake. Mormonotony:* Constancy of tone or pitch or inflection by General Authority Conference speakers. Mormonry:* [DAW] Arch. Mormonism. Mormons Mormons believe Mormons, Image of Mormonwasm:* Doctrine of polygamy, racism, blood atonement, Adam-God, Lamanites being denied as ever existing by current Mormon leaders and members. MormonWiki Articles Mormotone:* The hypnotizing cadence of speech often used by General Authorities during talks, especially at General Conference. Moron Moroni Moroni 1 Moroni 2 Moroni, Angel Moroni, Visitations of Moroni:* A name missionaries can say without giggling. An angel who blows smoke out his trumpet and his ass simultaneously. Capital of the Comoros Islands in the Indian Ocean (must be a coincidence...) A DEAD Indian. The Mormon Temple Mantra. 'Moron, I?'. Moroni* (1) A Nephite military leader, c. 60 Be; (2) a Book of Mormon prophet, c. AD 420 who in 1827, as a resurrected being, gave Joseph Smith the gold plates from which Joseph translated the Book of Mormon. A statue of Moroni is placed atop some LDS temples and on the hill Cumorah. Moronihah Morpologist Morrill Act of 1862 mortal Mortality Morthodox Moses Moses Thatcher Moses, Book of Mosiah Mosiah 1 Mosiah 2 Mosochism:* Faking belief in Mormonism for the sake of family relationships. Mosumption:* To make an assumption based solely on one being Mormon. Example: "He made the Mosumption that I wouldn't allow my daughter to get a tattoo." mother Mother in Heaven Mother in Heaven* The teaching that spirits born on this earth have their premortal origins with a literal Heavenly Mother as well as a Heavenly Father. Mother in Israel Motherhood Motion Pictures, LDS Productions Motrix Motrix : * A society based on Mormon dogma. A movie based on the life of Gordon Hinckely. Utah. Provo. BYU. Mount of Transfiguration Mount Timpanogos Utah Temple Mountain Meadows massacre Mountain Meadows Massacre:* Mormongate. Bronze Medal "Winner" for American mass-murder, though it held the record for 137 years. Mountain Meadows Massacre* An incident in which certain Indian and Southern Utah Mormons participated in the massacre of a wagon train of immigrants passing through the Territory of Utah, 1857. Mowejuana:* A popular drug used by missionaries to spike the Kool-Aid of stubborn investigators inducing them to chant "we wanna be baptized." Mozac:* Consecrated Prozac. Most commonly prescribed anti-depressant in Happy Valley. MTC-The shortened name of the Mission Training Center. The most well known missionary training center is in Provo, Utah, but there are numerous centers all over the world. Formally called missionaries go to the centers for training and instruction. Missionaries going places where they will be speaking a different language stay longer to learn the language. MTC:* Missionary Training Cell. Missionary Torture Chamber. Mormon Tom Cats. Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Mormon Tactic College. Mormon Tactical Cruelty. Mushroom-taking Center. The "Co-Mish". Missionary Testicle (or Tit) Crusher. MTP:* Mormon Thought Police much of... = as in much of happiness (Hinckley genitive) Mulek Mulekites Mulekites:* The most "stubborn" of all early inhabitants of the narrow neck of land, the land northward and the land southward. Multi-culturalism in the Modern Mormon Church:* That's how they keep their tax exempt status while getting their masses to vote Republican. mum - Slang of the Great White North for "mother." Mummy - A mythical creature that is very old, mumbles incoherently and strikes fear into the minds of its victims. Like a high councilman. Murder Murphy's Law (as in Thomas Murphy):* "If a prophet can fall, he will." Museum of Church History and Art Museums, LDS Music Music and the Spoken Word Musicians Mutual Mutual The Church's auxiliary organization for youth ages twelve through eighteen, for many years called the Mutual Improvement Association, or MIA. Mutual The Church's auxiliary organization for youth ages twelve through eighteen, for many years called the Mutual Improvement Association, or MIA. Name Extraction Program* Systematic transcription of genealogical information from original vital records. Mutual-Weekly activities for the teenage members of the Church. These are put together on a ward or congregation level. my heck My Temple Page Mystagogy: * Interpretation of Mormon mysteries. Mysteries of God Mysteries: * Deep darks. Mormon "answers".
